Suzie: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do 1234.

Suzie: And welcome back. Hello, everyone. Hello and welcome back to sharing my truth pod. Go and give this, this pod a little five stars and comment and like on this pod. And if you go to share my truth pod on the instas or TikTok or anywhere else you can find us on social, you can dm us, dm dm us. Check my mail on us.

Mel: There's not anything to drink.

Suzie: I wish I did, to be honest. I could blame it on that boozy lunch, but that's about it. And if you go to sharemystruth.com, you can also go leave us a voicemail. Not many people know this. You can go leave us a voicemail. We want to hear your little voice. You can send us an email, but really we just want to hear from you. Share truth, set up a funny story. Send us a funny story. And yeah, we want to hang out. We want to chat.

Mel: We do.

Suzie: Hey, babes.

Mel: Hello, Danny.

Suzie: How are you?

Mel: Fabulous.

Suzie: Oh my God. Don't get me started. You look fabulous.

Mel: Oh, thank you.

Suzie: I know we're not filming this episode, but you look hot. Just for everyone's imagination right now, Mel is, like, wearing lingerie. It's super nasty.

Mel: Yeah, it definitely wouldn't be doing that.

Suzie: All right, Mel, what are we even talking about today? If I can speak properly?

Mel: This is a good question. So I've seen this written about quite a few times now. And the subject is. Yeah, are you ready?

Suzie: Yes, of course.

Mel: Tolyamory. Not polyamory.

Suzie: I'm like, I was gonna say, I know what polyamory is.

Mel: Polyamory with the t t.

Suzie: Olemory.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzie: Got it.

Mel: And what it is is it's you're in a relationship and you know your partner is cheating and you tolerate it. No, it's called Tollyamri. So you're not in an open relationship.

Suzie: No.

Mel: You haven't sort of discussed it. I obviously don't know whether there are levels of this, but you just tolerate, hence the terminal totally amory.

Suzie: This is not e and m, which is ethical non monogamy.

Mel: This is the opposite of that. Yeah, like, you know, you just, you.

Suzie: Know, but you, does the other person know that you know?

Mel: Well, I don't know. I think there's probably a range.

Suzie: And why are we tolerating this? Is it because the other person has money and they're taking care of you? Or is it just because I don't.

Mel: Know what's the point, kid? To me, it's absolutely hilarious that they're writing about it now because it's been going on since dawn of time.

Suzie: I feel like even more so before. Before people could get divorces and all.

Mel: These things, for God's sake.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: You know, my grandmother did this, except my grandfather.

Suzie: Granny.

Mel: To put my grandmother in one house and his mistress in another house.

Suzie: Fabulous.

Mel: I mean, that's decent, you know?

Suzie: Is that decent?

Mel: No, but, you know, she knew. So I'll take my grandmother as a case in point.

Suzie: Granny O.

Mel: She was delighted that he would spend actually pretty much all of his time with said mistress. I don't know what her name was, because she didn't have to deal with him or spend any time with him or sleep with him.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: So for her, it was very convenient.

Suzie: But he didn't want to divorce her.

Mel: Well, in those days they didn't.

Suzie: You didn't exactly.

Mel: They got married when they were very young. I think my grandma was like 18 or I would be fat.

Suzie: I would be ******* loving it, too. If I didn't like him, I'd be like ******* great.

Mel: Yeah. So he wasn't there, and then unfortunately she died. And then he came back and my grandmother was beside herself.

Suzie: Oh, yeah, the mistress died.

Mel: Yeah, mistress died. She wasn't happy at all. But I think lots of couples do this. Obviously, it probably is very frequently women who are tolerating. Tolerating knowing that the man is going off.

Suzie: Why do you think that?

Mel: Why do I think that's the case? Obviously don't think only men cheat. I think that's, that's what we think.

Suzie: Why are women only the ones that are tolerating it?

Mel: I mean, maybe men do too, if they really love their wives, but I think if they. They know that that person needs something else that they can't give them or don't want to give them, which obviously is sex or intimacy or whatever it is, and they can't give it to them. So they're kind of happy for them to go off and have it, but stay together. I think there is a whole range. I think there are people who just know, but decide to just kind of be in denial and can kind of tolerate it. And I think there's a lot of people who either something's happened in their sex life, and I think it can often be women. Earlier on, because you have children, things have happened to your body, you just physically, I think because women, you need to kind of be in the thing. Right? Like men could have sex in a burning house at the drop of a hat. Whereas women have to be kind of in the mood. Everything else should be. They're not the same. I mean, it's all this whole thing about responsive and desire, how desire works with men and women. Right. And I. So I think that there's a period, if you've had children and you're very busy, you're working or whatever, you just. Just don't have space in your. In your physical being.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Like, you're so tired.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And you can. I mean, this is where lots, lots of things can happen in marriages. And so maybe you just don't have it. Have the time, the space in your brain, the space in anything. Your emotions. So, you know, the man's going off and you think, okay, well, at least he's getting it somewhere else, and so he'll be okay. I mean, obviously, I think that's very dangerous.

Suzie: Well, I think that's just dumb. Like, it's also dumb for the guy to not be like, I want to divorce you because you're not giving me everything you want. I want. Well, not everything, but, like, sex is, in my little opinion, sex is very important, especially in a marriage and. Or in a relationship. And so if you are cheating on that person, it's never gonna stop.

Mel: Look, you know, I could never do it.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: I could never do it because I think sex is the ultimate. It's the ultimate intimacy and connection. And if you kind of destroy that, to me, if I was in a relationship with. That was happening, I just couldn't handle it. But I think that, you know, people sweep things under the rug. They're like, you know, whatever. This is just easier. It's easier?

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Like, you've talked a lot about, you know, why do people, like, I keep asking you, why do people just not communicate? Why do they not talk? And you say to me, because it's. It's easier to not talk. Now, I do understand that, you know, I've been married 25 years or whatever it is, 25 years, married 20, whatever, but a long time. And, of course, the communication is a. An ongoing thing. It doesn't just go day one unless you're both very good at communicating, which often one person's better at the other, more willing than the other. I mean, that's often. Yeah.

Suzie: One person's hornier than the other usually too.

Mel: Yeah. And one person can talk more easily, draw the other person out. Like, you know, so you have to kind of work on it. Right. And you have to both be willing to work on it and both accept, fundamentally, your flaws, like, what you're not good at.

Suzie: So what if, like, you know, the woman, let's just say, does not want to have sex with their partner anymore? Does that man just shut down and say, okay, well, if you're not gonna have sex with me, I guess I'm not gonna have sex. Or does he go off and find someone who will have sex with him?

Mel: I think.

Suzie: And then that is something you have to tolerate because you're not having sex with him.

Mel: 100%. But I think there's a lot of women who do not fundamentally understand that. They do not understand that, yes, as a woman, you need sex, but it's much easier for women to. What's the word? Like, kind of bottle it up. I mean, men is obviously more of an urgent need. I think women can sort of deal with not having sex in a better way.

Suzie: Can I also put my opinion on that a little bit? So, like, I think women, because we, for me, I mean, I feel like also, I'm not just a sexual person. I actually really enjoy sex. I know a lot of women who don't actually enjoy sex. Right. So I think if more women enjoyed sex and knew more about how to have sex for their pleasure, we see a lot more women wanting to have more sex with their partners. But men don't know how to **** women properly? I think, for the most part, yeah.

Mel: I mean, I think it's a mixture of both. It's a mixture of people being mismatched. If you're not willing, like you said this, to be kind of open minded and to kind of try things and stuff like that and. Yeah, and, you know, I've said this to you many times. I commend your confidence and the fact your ability. No, but it's a big thing, and most people don't have it. They don't feel that great about themselves, that great. And it's got nothing to do with the physicality of how good you look. They just don't feel that confident in their sexual appeal. In, you know, you can see the most beautiful women who are just, like, sort of almost frigid, like, cold. Right.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: They're not confident in their sex appeal. Sex appeal is much more than how you look. Yeah. It's your personality, how you come across. Like, it's. Being confident is hugely appealing to people. And you have to, like you said, you enjoy it, you want it, blah, blah, blah. But I just think a lot of women do not understand that if they are going through a period of their life where they can't have sex, they don't want as much sex, they can't deal with it, they're in pain because of physical changes after childbirth, any of those things which can last very long time. They just don't talk about it, they just say, well, you're just gonna have to put up with it. But that's not what happens, that's not real, that's not the way to deal with it. And if you're feeling something, you have to talk to your partner about it.

Suzie: And it's funny, cause women are usually the ones who are better talkers, who want to have most information. And then obviously it's hard to talk about sex because you don't wanna hurt the other person's feelings. And sex is a very sensitive topic, especially if you're not getting the right sex and you don't know how to ask for the right sex, cause you don't know what you're asking for, obviously.

Mel: Yeah, I think a lot of people are like that because you have to actually meet that person. And I think I've said this before, my sort of first sexual encounters, I didn't meet the person who kind of made me feel good about myself, whereas like my husband says he had the reverse experience. And so it kind of sends you on a trajectory of how you feel about sex and how you feel about interacting with people or relationships or any of the above. And I think that's just luck. Yeah, you're lucky if you, if you draw the right person, isn't it? It's not about love, it's about somebody respecting you, wanting to take time with you, wanting to, you know, perhaps when you're young, teach you or all of that kind of stuff. Yeah, and I think a lot of people don't have that. And it just sends them down this path. Yeah. And you just keep going down this path and you never actually quite figure it out until very, very late on, because maybe you don't meet that person until quite far down the road. I think it's the weird thing about sex and, you know, hence this podcast, why we talk about it so much is that why is the most natural thing in the world actually so difficult for so many people.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: That they cannot figure it out? Like we, you know, the Hollywood movies, it's all like, you know, you know, it's all like hot and steamy and they get it all works straight away and everyone's got it.

Suzie: Oh yeah, girl comes in 5 seconds.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So realistic.

Mel: And it's just so not just from.

Suzie: The guy being on top and visionary. Yeah, it's really, really.

Mel: And, you know, why do a lot of men not know that? Well, they don't know that because the woman hasn't told them that or they haven't been with women who said. Found a way of nicely saying, you know, let's try this or whatever sexy.

Suzie: Dirty talk saying, you know what I mean? It's just like.

Mel: Well, I can imagine you're very good at it.

Suzie: Well, let's just try. It's hard. I mean, it's like, I think a lot of women are so afraid to say what they want because they're afraid to say it in a bad way. And like, I'm one of those women because I hate hurling people's feelings and I hate confrontation. But if you say it in a dirty, sexy way while you're doing dirty, sexy stuff it's gonna come across a lot better and maybe more exciting. And he's gonna want to do it if it's turning you on more. Hopefully he wants to do it if that's the case. You know what I mean?

Mel: For sure. I mean, I think the other thing that we haven't talked about, I mean, obviously there are men who tolerate women going. Having affairs and not just with men.

Suzie: Isn't that cold thing, though?

Mel: Only if they're watching.

Suzie: Really. Okay.

Mel: They have to be watching.

Suzie: They have to be watching.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Or they. Isn't it like if they just know what's going on?

Mel: That's a very good question. Somebody's gonna have to tell us. I thought it was about watching. No, it probably is being into the whole.

Suzie: Into the whole thing.

Mel: I'm not talking about.

Suzie: Right. So this isn't really into it. This is somebody tolerating, non consensual, like a fairing going on.

Mel: Non. I don't know. Non consensual, non ethical. Like you haven't really talked about it. You're just.

Suzie: You know what's happening.

Mel: Yeah. You know, you're tolerating it and you're sort of okay with it in a weird sense, which I think is psychologically super messy.

Suzie: So damaging.

Mel: Very damaging. And I think the other thing is, like, people, if you've been with somebody for a very long time and particularly if you've had children obviously your sex life is going to ebb and flow. It's going to go in different directions at different points because you're a man, you know, man and a woman.

Suzie: No, you're a man.

Mel: I'm a man. Yeah. But, you know, it's going to change as you go along and you have to talk about that. Why are you feeling. What is the problem? What is the, you know, and I think the other thing that particularly women don't talk about is if they're not happy with their body causes all sorts of ****** up ****.

Suzie: Even during the time of the month when I don't feel my sexiest, I'm like, please don't touch.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And I do not want to have sex with you. Right.

Mel: Yeah. And it's very hard for men to understand how, like, you're in pain or you're really uncomfortable. I mean, I still, at my grand old age, get very painful periods. It's horrible.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I've had them all my life, and my husband's been fully trained in this, like, don't go anywhere near me. Be very careful with me because it is just.

Suzie: I don't wake the dragon.

Mel: Yeah, 100%. And you'll just blow, like, your whole.

Suzie: Oh, yeah, that's not great.

Mel: I mean, I know, but I think there's another thing that if you're in a relationship and you're not unhappy, but you're not sort of happy.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And if you're in any way angry, particularly. I'm looking at this from a female point of view. If you're any way angry at a man, you're angry because you don't think he's doing what he said he would was going to do in life, whether that's professionally, as a father, as a husband, as a. Whatever it is, you're angry in some form. Right. There's a bit of rage going on, which I think is very common, and you don't talk about it. That rage builds and there is nothing like rage to turn off the sexual, like.

Suzie: No, that's so true.

Mel: Just don't want to go anywhere near you.

Suzie: Yeah. Yeah.

Mel: I'm so, like, ****** off with you in a sense that I haven't. It's sort of down deep in my. I haven't really been deeply emotional.

Suzie: Sense of anger. Yeah.

Mel: I'm not really sort of screaming at you every day. I'm just disappointed or I'm. You're not. Whatever it is, you're not doing what you said you'd do or, you know, let's say chores in the house. You know, this conversation seems to come up a lot like men and women both working, but the women ends up doing more, and you've got rage about that. It could be the smallest thing.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And that builds up and bray. It does not. It's like the sex.

Suzie: You don't want to **** when you want to. When you're mad at your.

Mel: Well, it's like your desire tap just. It's off. It's like, don't.

Suzie: Yeah, it's not like, it's like angry *******. Because that can be fun. But it's mostly like, yeah, it's not totally different. It's like you've heard of point in *******. It's like, it's like that's. You don't want to **** that person. You're disgusted with them.

Mel: It's. They are a total turn off.

Suzie: Turn off? Yeah.

Mel: You don't in your head know that?

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: Because you don't realize that. You just, like, push, push, push away. And there is a lot of that going on. And I think, and from men and from women and I think, but probably, you know, somebody's gonna come at me. But probably mostly women.

Suzie: More.

Mel: More percentage women. And if women feel like that, they're just like, I don't know what to do about it. I haven't actually processed or thought about the fact. I just don't want to touch you. I don't want to touch you. I don't want you to touch me. So you just go off and do your thing. Like, I don't have to deal with it.

Suzie: Yeah. I know a lot of guys, which is like, this is kind of bad, but, like, I know a lot of guys who have cheated are cheating on their girlfriends or their wives. And I mean, like, since I'm their friend, I'll know this, we'll talk about it, stuff like that. And it's like, unless the girlfriend or wife will say anything, they're just gonna keep doing it. Like, it's just the way it is. He's not just gonna come to some realization of, like, oh, I've been a ***** person. I'm gonna stop doing this. No. **** no. He needs to get his **** wet, and that's what he's going to do. Until you have a conversation of, like, I know you're doing this. I'm gonna divorce you if you don't stop. Or there, like, is some therapy going on or, like, there has to be some kind of, like, an ultimatum or something.

Mel: Yeah, what's the point?

Suzie: What's the point of being in this relationship if you're not *******? Very least?

Mel: And, you know, especially in this day and age, like, you know, we started the episode talking about my grandmother, and that was a different time. She kind of had to stay married to him because financially, although she actually did work, my grandmother really but she.

Suzie: Didn'T have her own bank account or anything like that.

Mel: I think maybe later on. Right. But. And obviously, long period, she didn't work, and he mostly looked after her, but, I mean, she was a bit of an old battle axe, but that's the other stuff. But. But, you know, in those days, you kind of were forced to. We don't live in that world anymore. Although divorcing and separating is incredibly difficult, it is probably the worst thing that we'll.

Suzie: I'm not saying it's the first choice. No, but there's things that you should be thinking about if you know that the other person who's sleeping beside you is also sleeping with someone else.

Mel: Well, 100%. And I do know people who are legally married, but they don't live in the same house. So they don't hate each other, but they don't want to be in a relationship, but they stay legally married to. So because of all their finances. And if they own businesses and properties and whatever, and they have children, but they live separate lives.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: They just. It's just easier financially if there's a lot of money involved and they don't hate each other, but they and their partners are sort of okay with it because they're sort of, you know, it's later on in life and they don't really care. I mean, I would be okay with it, but that, you know, whatever. We have to do what is right for us.

Suzie: Yes, of course.

Mel: But I think. I think there's a lot of Tolly Amory going on. Tolly Amory, Tolly Amory. But I think. And men and women. Maybe more women, but I think ultimately, all it does is create even more rage. I mean, all I hear today from young women is how, you know, men are ********, that they're all bastards. They're never gonna find a nice man, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, well, if you get into those kind of situations. Yeah. You know, there are just as many horrible women as men.

Suzie: Oh, exactly. Like, I think it's obviously everyone's problem that everyone's a *******, I don't know, narcissist nowadays. Yeah, obviously. Like, with social media and all these things going on with dating apps, it's so easy to cheat now, too. And I think a lot of people's definitions of cheating are becoming a little bit more weird because it's not just like the old days where you didn't have phones and texting and all these things that it's so easy to, like, get in touch with another person where it's like, is phone sex cheating, or is. What do we call. What do we talk about today? Now? Rub and tug.

Mel: Oh, rub and tug.

Suzie: Is that cheating? Like, for me, it's not neither of those things. Cause it's like. Well, did you. Is it, like, more emotional? I don't know. Like, it just. There's things that I think people define as cheating that change in every single relationship. And so that's also really hard about it, too.

Mel: I would 100% agree with that. And I can give you an example. Like, I've never, ever had an issue with. I don't know what politically correct way of putting this. With titty bars.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: You know, strippers. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, titty bar. Titty bar. That's what we call them. That's very unpleasantly correct. But that's what it is. Get your **** out.

Suzie: But which bunch of *******?

Mel: What? No, in England, we don't have the *******.

Suzie: Oh, really?

Mel: I mean, I don't know if there are places where they aren't, but generally.

Suzie: Got it.

Mel: As far as I know, they covered up.

Suzie: Very interesting.

Mel: It's not Amsterdam. Sure. You know, having live sex on stage. I can.

Suzie: There's, like, full on nudity here.

Mel: I'm pretty sure. Yeah. That's my. That's my understanding. Okay. Anyway, sorry, but I've never, you know, like, you go on, like, bachelor parties where you go to these all, like, guys do, you know, go out. Yeah. Just to me, couldn't care less.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: Does not faze me at all.

Suzie: And you're, like, the cheating. Not the cheating queen, but, like, the anti cheating queen.

Mel: Yeah, but that isn't. To me, that's not cheap. That's right.

Suzie: Why is. I'm not cheating for you just to, like, give the audience some.

Mel: That's a very good question. Because I. I don't think. I don't think men looking at that, watching ****, masturbating. Not with you. I don't have an issue with that.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: You know, it's not like my husband goes to places or, you know, titty bars.

Suzie: Right. Like, spending all of the money on the titty.

Mel: No, like, I mean, generally. And he would go, tell me. It's generally. In the old days, they would. In a business context, that would happen a lot. You'd go, if you're taking a client out, depending on the client, you know, and, like, you know, a bachelor party or some kind of stupid. But I just doesn't. It just doesn't faze me at all. Whereas I can think of one bachelor party Max went to, and obviously, I knew they were going to a titty bar, and he went to a titty bar for my. For my wedding. All of. All the guys. Come on.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And one guy, he was like, you cannot tell it wasn't his wife then, but you cannot tell her. You cannot. She'll go berserk. Wow. And, like, a couple months later, something sat down. We were talking about it, and she found out. She went crazy.

Suzie: Crazy.

Mel: And he was on the sofa, literally sleeping on the sofa for, like, it was months and months and months. No. And you're just like, why the **** over? I don't understand it.

Suzie: Like, it's Cr. Like, it's not like a super. Unless they are addicted. Like, there are **** addictions. There are things that these are happening.

Mel: But men do this stuff. Yes.

Suzie: It's not a problem just watching.

Mel: I. You know, I also like, you know, like Las Vegas. Like, you get. There's one hotel, I don't think they have it anymore. They used to have these dancers in. It's a cosmopolitan hotel. It's a really nice hotel. And they had this bar, and they had these cute cages. They weren't naked, but they were scantily clad and very sexy and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, I remember being there with somebody and I thought, oh, God, it was a woman. And she was just like, don't you think that's just awful? And, you know, so disrespectful?

Suzie: Probably gonna pay thousands of dollars. I'm like, no.

Mel: All power to her if she can do that. And she's got a body like that. And, you know, I couldn't ****** do that at any point in my life. Why would I judge her? But I. I just don't have an issue with it at all.

Suzie: Well, it's kind of the same with, like, some guys will think that sex toys for women is cheating on them.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Which is ******* bullshit, boys. Like, that is unbelievable.

Mel: Has anybody ever said that to you?

Suzie: Not to me, because I would never be with a person like that. But I've seen that online, and, like, I've seen it.

Mel: Like, that's mad.

Suzie: It's ridiculous. It's like, this has nothing to do with you. This is about my pleasure. And, like, if you can't handle a ******* vibrator, dude, like, get. Your **** is not ready for this, you know? But, like, it's like a. If I was watching **** and guy didn't like that I was watching ****, I'm like, **** off.

Mel: Well, yeah. I mean, I remember sort of years ago, this woman I knew, who, I don't know why, she confided in me. I didn't really know her that well. And she confided me, like, she said her husband would watch **** and would **********, and she was horrified by it, and what should she do? And I didn't. I obviously stopped myself. And I was like, that's sort of completely normal. And I was just. I was just like, I don't. I'm not really understanding what your problem is. And then I sort of said to her also, you know, you try and ask questions to help, like, so do you have a healthy, you know, sex life? And the answer was no. Okay. You're like, so why do you think he's doing it, then? I mean, it's not like rocket science.

Suzie: Yeah, but then there you go. So then those things aren't cheating, let's say.

Mel: No, I don't.

Suzie: To you, all these. Everyone has. To me, it's.

Mel: Another person is involved.

Suzie: Okay. So physically, or would that be like a texty text?

Mel: Oh, yeah.

Suzie: A sexy text.

Mel: That wouldn't be cool.

Suzie: That's cheating. And sexy pics. And then, let's say onlyfansheende.

Mel: Yeah. Cheating. Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't think it's cheating. Onlyfans. I think that's a bit of a stretch. What I do think is if you have a subscription to OnlyFans and you're not willing to share that with your partner, that you have got that for sure. That's a bit odd. The thing I do think about onlyfans, again, I'm not criticizing anybody who uses it or is on it, is that, you know, you're generally on there because you're asking for specific things and.

Suzie: Yes, very specific.

Mel: Yeah. So why are you asking this person to do very specific things? I mean, you know, if I. And if I was with somebody who's doing that, I'd just be like, hmm. You know, I mean, that's. That's not really that cool, is it? Because there is an element there, and I know it's like a really thin line and, like. But that you're not obviously doing it for them, so why are they doing that kind of thing? Yeah, but I. Yeah, I mean, I don't think personally, like, that's not really cheating. I don't think, like, I definitely don't think going to strip clubs is cheating. I think a lot of people do that. I know a lot of women have been to strip clubs.

Suzie: Yeah. I've been to a strip club.

Mel: Amusing. And especially, like, in. If you live in Europe, in Amsterdam, you know.

Suzie: Oh, yeah. Like, take it away from it. Yeah.

Mel: Full on. And I just. No, I mean, I don't. Don't see the big deal. I really don't. But I think I, again, I just. That's my boundary and my level. And some people are way. I mean, some women who are quite young that I know, who have a problem if their guy watches **** or they won't watch **** together, they think that's like, horrendous. And you're like, what? So you're so. Everyone's level is so all over the place. And then if you're in a couple where your level is, like, I'm saying, like, I think this is completely normal. But they're like, ugh, you're disgust. How do you. If you don't talk.

Suzie: No, but that's exactly what I'm saying. It's like cheating is different for every single person. So, like, if you. And I think that's like something I think about with this, like, tolly Amory thing. It's like you're tolerating because you think it's cheating, but they don't think it's cheating also. Right? So, like, he's like, well, I'm watching ****. And she's like, please don't watch ****. And he's like, well, I'm gonna do it anyways because it's not cheating to me. Yeah, she's gonna tolerate that.

Mel: But. But I think mostly this is somebody going off and having a ******* everyone. Yeah. Because they're nothing being fulfilled.

Suzie: But no, that is something to talk about with your partner. If this is a problem for you and you're tolerating maybe some habits that you're not liking, sexual habits or not. It's just like being like, hey, like, what's the line here? What do we think is the line for me? What is line for you? And that's a kind of a cool, fun conversation to just like, bring up. It doesn't have to be weird or awkward or mean or anything like that. Judgmental. It's just like trying to find out better things about who you're with.

Mel: But I mean, surely if you're living with somebody.

Suzie: But people are ******. People get move in after like three months.

Mel: I know.

Suzie: **** people. So they don't even know, like, people get crazy with this ****.

Mel: Yeah, well, they. They mistake lust for love.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: And they think, oh, you know, and then it all goes wrong and all goes wrong, darling. Oh, we could talk about this for hours.

Suzie: I know. I really want to talk to you about, you know, we have this little new segment. What's the tea girl? We want to talk about something else, something new that's going on that interests you today, me this week, you specifically. I obviously don't know you.

Mel: It has nothing to do with what we've just talked about. But I'm seeing a lot of articles about Ozempic.

Suzie: Okay.

Mel: And obviously, a lot of people are taking Ozempic and pretending they're not taking Ozempic. And then you look at them and you know they're taking Ozempic.

Suzie: All the celebrities in the world.

Mel: Yeah. Every celebrity. And the rise in particularly young women, because now it's quite easy to get a lot of this stuff online. And I'm not sure how much they're checking. I don't know. Somebody can tell me how easy it is to get.

Suzie: I think it's different in every country.

Mel: I think it is. Yeah. I mean, I saw an ad yesterday in Toronto.

Suzie: Yeah. They're all over Toronto. Yeah.

Mel: I mentioned the company. Don't upset. But, you know, that was. And I, you know, that was a big ad for that. And the woman in it was, you know, needed to lose quite a few pounds kind of thing. And, you know, that's what the ad was. And so it was pretty obvious. And so you're like, okay. But it's, like, in your face and it's everywhere. And because we have this really, I think, in modern society, completely messed up thing about body image. Like, we have this. We've gone to the extreme of the sort of Lizzo kind of thing. Yeah. It's fine to be 300 pounds if you're good with it.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: And that's just fine because everyone's gonna accept that.

Suzie: It's like, let's just be healthy for whatever your size is.

Mel: I'm sorry, that isn't, you know, like, people judge you. And I do not think you should be doing anything crazy. Like, I know so many young girls, or even when I was young, who were doing all these crazy diets, starving themselves.

Suzie: Yeah. Yeah. That was Maya's generation too. Yeah.

Mel: Be healthy. Be a healthy weight. Like, everybody's weight goes up and down, particularly women, because we're hormonal. Most women I know have gone up, you know, 2030 pounds in their life, come back. You know, I'm not saying that's healthy, but what I'm saying is most people go through a range.

Suzie: Well, I think the whole thing about it is that like ozempic is completely not healthy? This is not a part of a healthy diet unless you actually need this drug for diabetes, because that's what it was originally used for.

Mel: Right? The semiglutide or some pronounce it, but yeah, it was. And the problem with it, from my understanding, is you take it and I think it's very effective for people who've really struggled for years and years and years and years, and they have serious weight to lose. And so I think that's sort of where the origins are. But the problem is, of course, it makes you feel full, so you don't eat. So basically you're not eating, which is why you lose weight. Right. It's really not as calories.

Suzie: Is that what this is? Is that what's happening?

Mel: Yeah, and. But the problem is there are lots, which is sort of leading into, like, the articles that I've read, there's lots of side effects.

Suzie: Yeah, I've heard of these.

Mel: Yeah. You can feel very nauseous. The other thing is diarrhea, which there was a story recently where somebody was at Gwyneth Paltrow's, one of her fancy parties in the Hamptons, and this person had like involuntary, like, diarrhea. Oh, ****. Like just ran off shut.

Suzie: Not diarrhea in the middle of the party and running away.

Mel: Yeah, I think it does happen. It's quite a common side effect. Oh my God. ****** up. God, that can't be worth it. And then I think there are all sorts of other things. I've heard of stories of women's, you know, cycles, menstrual cycles, being messed up.

Suzie: Oh, yeah, getting pregnant.

Mel: Because they're messed up.

Suzie: Getting pregnant.

Mel: Not from that, but because their cycles messed up. You know, it's messed up or whatever. Or they got the dates because the cycles messed up, but all sorts of weird things. And of course, the fundamental thing is if you cut, this is not meant to be, from my understanding, a drug you take for the rest of your life. No, you're meant to take it to get the desired effect, then obviously change your lifestyle.

Suzie: But then. Exactly. Then after you take it, you just gain the weight back.

Mel: Well, because. Yeah, because you're eating nothing and then you're eating something. So anybody on the planet, if you just eat nothing or eat a celery steak and then the next day you eat a cheese sandwich, obviously you're gonna put on weight. Even if you're eating less, you're gonna put on weight. I mean, it's just.

Suzie: I know, like, that's the thing, like, I. It's hard because you and I have one friend who I know taken it, and she is super happy. She looks great, and I think she's still on it. But I mean, like, who knows what. What's gonna happen when she's off of it? And I mean, like, obviously you see all these people who are, like, you know, breaking the stigma of, like, ozempic, and, like, we're on it, and it's like, okay, like, I'm. Look, I'm loving that you're taking, you know, action. Action for your health if you think that's what this is. But I think a lot of people take it too far and then they reverse the results when they have to get off of it, because, like you said, it's not a forever solution.

Mel: No.

Suzie: Stuff is, like, you ******* people, you have to start eating if these are, like, things that you're. These are their goals that you want to have. It's like eating. Eating is the biggest part. They always say that any kind of personal trainer, nutritionist is like, you can work out all you want, but if you're eating like ****, it's not gonna.

Mel: It's not gonna make any. Yeah, exactly.

Suzie: Which I know that I ******* love to eat, and it's gonna make any upsetting.

Mel: Yeah. It's not gonna make any difference.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I think that we've got to this point, like, when I was younger, everyone, like, everyone would say to you, if you were fat, you're fat. Like people were. No, but people, like parent, like family, whatever, were much more upfront. Nobody was dancing around it. No.

Suzie: Yeah, yeah.

Mel: Lose 40 pounds, and then we sort of gone into this bozzy positivity thing. But I think what we lost in the body positivity is that nobody should be doing crazy stuff. And you don't have to look like something unattainable. Like Gwyneth Paltrow, who is very willowy and thin and has 15 chefs and probably is genetically thinner and whatever. Yeah, of course. But there's lots of other healthy role models who are, like, a healthy weight, who look good, who are not super thin and not overweight. Yeah. Just kind of look healthy and normal. And that would be the thing to, you know, strive to.

Suzie: You hope that people would want to.

Mel: Strive for that more and that this understand. But I don't think in sort of fighting that we've said, no, you should be happy if you're happy with yourself at 300 pounds, but you're not. I mean, get. You're not.

Suzie: It's just health wise, it's like, don't you want to feel like you could ******* climb a flight of stairs?

Mel: Well, 100%. I mean, if you're 300 pounds, it affects everything on a young woman, you are going to have problems with your cycle. If you want to have children, you're going to have problems that you're going to. Yeah, you're going to have problems with club. I mean, you're going to have problems with everything. And I hate to break it to you, everyone, and certainly saying, this is not the thinnest person in the world. People look at you and they judge you and, you know, I'm, you know, and you strive and you do your best. And certainly, you know, I'm 51. It's a different thing to being younger, but, you know, you, you gotta, it's, I don't know, we're just in this sort of silly, sort of non realistic thing. And so people take exemplar because it's a quick fix. Mm hmm.

Suzie: And quick fixes have been there for forever.

Mel: 100%.

Suzie: And was it Anna Nicole Smith or Ann Nicole Smith who did that whole, like, it was like one of these things and like, I'm aging myself. This is like the early two thousands, but, you know, there's all these, like, box treatments, and it was like the very, like, kind of anorexic zone where everyone on the page was like, anorexic. Or they were like, oh, Britney Spears has gained ten pounds. Doesn't she look disgusting?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Which is like, looking back at that now, obviously, I'm like, holy ****. But, like, at that point. But that's where we've become from up this, and now it's like, we're obviously on that opposite side because everything always happens in extremes, and then it can.

Mel: Like, yeah, because nobody's talking about ten pounds, which is, you know, like many women will, you know, fluctuate.

Suzie: No, of course.

Mel: I think the other thing about a zempic, I can always tell if somebody's taking it because they tend to, it always goes too far and they always get too thin. They get too thin. I, you know, I am, I'm going to say again, not a medical professional, but in my, my analysis of it, I think because you literally go from eating to not eating at all or eating very, very little, you're obviously going to lose tons and tons, tons of weight, and you're gonna lose way more than you wanted to or thought you were gonna do, which is why you get the bobblehead syndrome. Do you know what I'm talking about, you know, the bobbleheads, those things that. It's an american.

Suzie: Small bodies, big heads.

Mel: No, like, you know, it's a north american thing, so.

Suzie: No, I don't know what a bobblehead is.

Mel: European. Wouldn't know what I'm talking about. Like, the sports. And the head's much bigger than the body. Yeah. And that's what it looks like. The person's head looks way bigger because their body's got so thin. Their head looks completely bizarre. But, yeah, it's not a long term thing. But the thing going back to my thing that I've been reading is that young women are going into, like, emergency rooms or private clinics or doctors with all these weird symptoms from, like, the diarrhea to the menstrual cycle to the nausea, and you're like, stop taking it.

Suzie: Yeah, I know. I heard about a really weird one where it's like, I remember reading about it, and it's like, people who are needing a surgery or something like that are having surgery, and they're on Ozembic and they don't eat. They haven't been eating. Cause they're having a surgery. And so you don't eat before your surgery. Obviously, everyone knows that who's had a surgery before, and they go under the knife and there's food still in their stomach from before.

Mel: Oh, my God.

Suzie: Yeah. And so I've heard that that's a thing. And so, obviously they can't do the surgery. It's like. So, like, it's like, ******* things up that we have no idea about. And then we're only obviously finding these things out for ridiculous reasons. So there's things that we don't even know. Obviously, we're finding out now more, but there's probably things that we won't find out for another, like, ten years at least.

Mel: It's like, any of these things.

Suzie: Yeah, it's crazy. So just, if you are on it, like, there's no shame in being on medication, obviously.

Mel: No. You do whatever you need to do.

Suzie: But it's just like, just literally, we have to not believe that these things don't cause, like, any issues. Right. These are always side effects with medications, no matter what you're taking. Even multivitamins.

Mel: Yeah. It's not magic.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And, you know, it's basically making you feel like you don't want to eat, making you feel full, whatever. I mean, you have a gastric band or whatever. It's making your stomach smaller. You don't want to eat. It's the same thing, but it's it's taking it. You know, if you need to lose a serious amount of weight and buy a serious amount of weight, I'm not talking about 20 pounds, I'm talking about 30 pounds. I'm talking about 50, 68, like huge amounts of weight. Then obviously if you're struggling, that seems like a very good idea, you know, because you have to break the cycle. And I think one of the reasons, you know, people go on diets and particularly women, men lose fast weight, weight faster than women. And you don't, if you don't see the results quick enough, you just get disheartened and you go back to it. Yeah.

Suzie: ****, yeah. That happens to everyone.

Mel: Right. So you do something dramatic. It gets you, you know, going kind of thing. Yeah. But obviously, yeah, you have to change your lifestyle dramatically. But if you're 20 pounds overweight, you make a few changes, you'll probably lose, especially if you're young, you're gonna lose. You're older, it's much harder. But like anything, there are huge consequences. And I'm not in any way bulleting it. I totally understand. I'm a short person. I've struggled, you know, I'm. I've struggled with weights all my life and I think, you know, in sort of varying degrees. And, you know, I've never been massively, massively overweight, but I've struggled. And I understand the men, the mental, the physical, you know, so I understand why you would take ozempic. All I'm saying is there are obviously a lot of side effects and you might want to think about those and that, you know, I mean, I've even thought, I thought one, you know, one time you see people and they're taking a Zen p. But I know I'm somebody who feels very, like, nauseous and very bloated and very. So I just know it would totally **** me up. And, and also, it's just not a solution because then you got to come off it. Yeah.

Suzie: And just, uh, it's about, it's just a cycle. Just think twice if you want to be doing it.

Mel: Yeah. And it's just, you know, it just to me, because it's specifically young women who are very affected by this and the pressure. And this, by the way, is nothing new. No, women have always. I think young women think this is a new thing. The pressure to be skinny. I'm like, oh, my God. It's like the pressure was a massive.

Suzie: Because your family would actually say something.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Or like, like other people, they would.

Mel: Say things to you people don't say, you want to go anymore. No, they don't say anything.

Suzie: Just gonna say, your doctor doesn't even say anything. It's like, no, no, no. There was, like, immense pressure to be, like, underweight, 100%. That's what it was.

Mel: That was the point.

Suzie: It wasn't healthy. It was, like, underweight. If you wanted to be anywhere of good looking, 100% or, like, yeah, healthy. In a doctor's mind, 100%.

Mel: When I was young, it was like, you would drink your calories. Like, if you were going out on Saturday or Friday night, you wouldn't eat so that you could drink the calories, but you figured out you literally ate nothing for, like, Friday and Saturday, and you drank calories.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And you're just like, which obviously is horrendous.

Suzie: No, I remember weighing my food at, like, 16. Like, yeah, it's just like, you don't need to do that. There's like, you just have to be healthy. And I'm understanding that now, obviously. But I think a lot of young women. Cause of social media has made it way worse. There's a huge amount of pressure of that way of just like, oh, my God, I see all these hot girls who are all fake, obviously.

Mel: Most.

Suzie: Most part. And how do they. How are they like that? Oh, my God. They're on Ozempic. Oh, my God, I'm gonna be on Ozempic.

Mel: It's like, **** no. Anyway, so that's, that. That's. That's the tea.

Suzie: That's a tea, guys. That was a lot.

Mel: That was a lot of tea.

Suzie: That was a lot of tea. That was a lot of diet tea.

Mel: There was a lot of diet tea. I've had that.

Suzie: Oh, God. It makes a **** like you never believe.

Mel: It hurts your stomach. Yeah.

Suzie: Um, okay, well, guys, uh, if you've been on Ozempic, if you've had. What was it again? Tall tallyopolyopoly, polyamory. Um, if you guys are in a Tolly Amory relationship or you guys are totally amorous to us, total amorous relationship, you guys are on Oz. Epic. You guys know someone who either of these things have happened to or doing whatever you want to talk to us about, we'd love to hear from you guys in your opinion on everything, because this is a crazy little time we're in. It is polyamory. Polyamory. Just lamb bear. Love yourself.

Mel: Love yourself, cabbage soup.

Suzie: It's the whole thing.

Mel: Try and have a higher opinion of yourself. I'm still trying to do that.

Suzie: I just get my rocks off by other people's opinions of me. So that's why we're going to ask you guys for five stars a review on this. All right, love you guys so much.

Mel: Till next time.

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Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our website sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time. Bye.