Suzie : Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do.

Suzie : 1234 hello, everyone, and welcome back to sharing my truth pod. You're here with little melon sues, and we're super excited for you to be here today with us. We have a fun little write in, but we don't want you to forget to write your own stuff into us. And you can go do that sharingmytruth.com. you can leave us a voicemail. You can send us an email. You could even send us snail mail. But please don't because probably won't get it for like, in a year if we all know Canada Post. But you could also send us in our DM's and at sharing Richard pod on all of our socials on our YouTube. You can actually see us there. What do we look like? Or maybe super ugly. I don't know. Hey, babe.

Mel: Hello, dali.

Suzie : How are you?

Mel: I'm fabulous.

Suzie : Do you like that? Yeah.

Mel: Yes. It's all fabulous. Yeah. I mean, I'll say that. Even if it isn't.

Suzie : I know I've seen you. Not fabulous. I'm fabulous.

Mel: Keep calm and carry on.

Suzie : And I'm crying on the inside, Brit, it's fine as long as you look stoic and just gotta be thought crumbling.

Mel: Inside, but that's fine.

Suzie : Well, it feels great. It feels great to just not show anyone what you're really feeling. It feels fabulous.

Mel: I'm an expert.

Suzie : Oh, good. And she has never seen a therapist.

Mel: No, I haven't.

Suzie : So we have a sweet little write in.

Mel: We do.

Suzie : Someone wrote in to us. And we thank you guys for that. And we want to remind you that you guys can do that. We absolutely love hearing from you. And this one, we both have read through it, and it's something that very much interests me. And I feel like you probably have friends who've dealt with it. But please, Mel, you're going to read it for us.

Mel: I am. I'm going to read. Read this. And I am going to caveat. Anything we say after this, we're not giving any advice or anything. We're just. This is somebody who's written in and we're saying our opinion. Yes, but that's it. You know, there's no facts to this. Yeah, don't get all.

Suzie : We're not facting around. Okay.

Mel: Yeah. So this is actually a woman who's written into us. And she said that over 15 years ago, I had. She had an affair for two years with a family friend. Yeah. So they stopped all contact when the guy moved away with his family. And they promised each other not to ever tell anyone. Anyway, recently this man died. He passed away. And the woman received a furious. What she described as a furious and threatening letter from his wife, the widow. She's. The wife has known about them for years. That's what she says in the letter. And she says that she's going to contact my husband. So the woman has written the husband, who is not aware that they had an affair 15 years ago.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And she's asking. She's written in to us because she said it would destroy my marriage if my husband found out.

Suzie : Sure.

Mel: So what do I do? Do I contact this woman, this wife, this bereaved woman? Or do I just hope it all kind of goes away? And it's a very good question. And we do seem to get an awful lot of questions about affairs and.

Suzie : Cheating, because I'm just gonna say it, almost everyone cheats.

Mel: Yeah. Except for.

Suzie : Has had. Yeah, except for Mel and Mel's husband. But, yeah, it's such a common thing because people have needs and people have wants. Sometimes doing things in the moment feels a lot better than actually going to therapy and talking about it with someone. And I understand that 100%. Cause sex is a part of a lot of people's lives, and a lot of us aren't getting enough of it.

Mel: Oh, 100%. And I think the other thing we don't understand, and particularly women, is a lack of intimacy. You know, sex, whatever you, wherever you want, sort of that line is, can cause so many issues in your life that you don't realize are connected to that. You know, not just, you know, everyone says, oh, a frustrated woman or whatever, but I mean, like, so many issues. The way you feel about yourself, your energy levels, your. The way you treat your partner, the way you treat your family can all go back to this thing. This sort of. Are you essentially sexually frustrated? Do you get enough intimacy, enough touch and, you know, sensuality and whatever in your life? And it can cause so many issues. So I do. Although, you know, you've heard me saying I'm not a big fan of cheating. And I come from a family where I'm a big fan. You know, I, you know, my father was a serious serial, serious serial cheater, and it affected my family massively. It was awful. And, you know, pretty much destroyed my mother, I would say. And so that has left that imprint on me. But I obviously understand why this happens. This happens because people are unhappy. It happens because, like you say, they have needs. They could be going through something, you know, if something's happened in your life, let's say a bereavement or. And I'm not talking about this. This writing, you know, something tragic's happened, or the stress, financial stress, whatever. Sex or a little fling or whatever you want to call it, a trystein can. It's escapism, isn't it? I mean, it's like, you know, watching.

Suzie : Hugely escapism watching tv.

Mel: Why do we all watch Bridgerton? We're sort of escaping into another world that we don't. That's not anywhere got anything to do with our world.

Suzie : We're just watching these weird people in Bridgerton having sex, and it's like, why are we not like, well, of course we're doing that. But, yeah, no, I. Absolutely.

Mel: So it could have happened. So, I mean, this is the question. This happened 15 years ago, and we don't know. Cause this woman hasn't said to us, but we assume her marriage is fine and going well and all the rest of it. Yeah. And to go well, yeah.

Suzie : If she's so worried that it's gonna ruin her marriage, then, yes, everything must be fine. Everything must be, like, totally okay. And I can understand that because it's like an affair doesn't have to mean a ruined relationship. It can just mean that you've had this experience with someone else, and if you. You know, you weren't pregnant from it or you didn't get a disease from it or anything like that, it can just be kept a secret between you and that other person. And you might feel that guilt on yourself, but you don't have to bring.

Mel: It to that other person to transfer it. You mean you do not have to.

Suzie : Transfer that guilt and judgment that you have on yourself to your partner if you feel like it's only gonna hurt them and ruin your life. And I don't know if she has kids. I don't know if she has and ruin their lives. It's just. Just for what, in my opinion?

Mel: Look, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do agree with that. I do think that there's lots of different things going on here. I do think there are different kinds of cheating and affairs. If you like. Like, if you had a moment in your life, and it sounds like this might be the thing, maybe this is what she needed. She had this connection with this person. It lasted a fairly long time. She said two years. And she's not been a sort of serial cheater after that. So there's not that issue of kind of constant betrayal, then, you know, I think that's a different thing from somebody who's endlessly ******** everything that moves and is not being very nice to their partner. And I'd also like to say that that's men and women.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And I think the issue for me, and for me, the issue is always about lying.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: She's basically lied for 15 years now. I understand what happens is you live your life and the person doesn't find out, and you're happy, and you carry on, and you sort of put it in a drawer, you file it away. And if this person moved away, which is what she said, they moved away, the family, there's no chance you're going to interact. You put it in a drawer, you should file it away. And if she carried on and her relationship was fine, then I understand why that happens. And the issue really here, I think, is you obviously want to preserve your marriage. You do not want to hurt this man, your husband. And he will be hurt, because I think the thing that he'll be most hurt by is the lying. You've basically lied to him for 15 years. The betrayal is one thing of having, and an affair for two years is not a bit of a, you know, roll around in the hay, as we like to call it in England.

Suzie : Yeah, you're right.

Mel: This is an emotional connection, and that's where betrayal is much more intense. Like, you've actually connected with somebody on a different level. And I'm not saying that's love or whatever, but it's. Two years is a ****** long time. And you lied for two years and then for the next however many years. So the problem here is, what do you do about this woman, this wife, this widow who's threatening. Now, that is threatening behavior, that it's.

Suzie : Not ruin your ******* life if. Because obviously she's feeling extremely hurt and distraught. She lost her husband, possibly like, I mean, she doesn't. We're not talking to the widow, but we're assuming it's. It was the love of her life. But did she say that we don't knew before? Yeah. So that's really hard to not be able to. Maybe she wasn't able to ever confront her husband about it.

Mel: Well, maybe he told her. I mean, that's. That's the problem here is to sort of unravel this. And obviously, we're trying to help the person who's written in to us is that the woman, the widow, is, and I think we say this as two women sitting here, is going to be completely illogical, filled with rage and guilt and not guilt. Sorry. Rage and grief.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And those are not logical things. And you are just going to be spiraling. And anybody who literally can take the brunt of that and you want to ******* target that at them. And that is this woman, although it isn't logical because her husband has passed, so really, what's the point? And that's very easy for us to say, but she has grief and rage and anger and whatever, and she needs to send that somewhere. And that's this woman, the fairy. The mistress. Right, your fairy. Yeah, the mistress. And so what the hell does this woman do? Because she says it's a family friend. So she could just turn up on a doorstep now and then threatening to tell the husband.

Suzie : Here's the thing, right? Like, are they gonna go to the funeral?

Mel: Well, yeah, she doesn't say that. Don't know.

Suzie : She doesn't say that. I mean, obviously, I bet she is also upset that this family friend has passed if you had this kind of emotional affair with him as well. Right? So she's obviously feeling some kind of a grief, which she also can't speak to her husband about. And she's probably feeling a little bit lost in, like. Okay, well, how do I. Obviously, she says she's over the affair, so that's fine. Like, okay, I totally get that.

Mel: Many years have passed.

Suzie : You don't have to be in love with him to feel some kind of other kind of love for him. Right. But, yeah, this must be really confusing for our listener. It's just a really hard thing to kind of want to be there for maybe this woman who lost her husband and your friend. But, like, how do you. You have to kind of also be a little selfish and not want her to ruin your life?

Mel: Well, 100%, I think, yeah. I mean, you got one of three choices. You do, like, hope it blows over. Cause they live somewhere else. The second thing is you. You talk to your husband. Obviously there are two choices there. You lie or you don't lie. And the third thing is you approach this woman and try and have a sort of conversation with her that. Well, one thing is you could deny it because you've already been lying, so you could say it didn't happen. Or the other option is to say, look, this happened a very long time ago. I really am very sorry. I didn't mean to cause you any pain. I'm deeply sorry, but please don't ruin my life. However, I think that's pretty risky because as a woman, I know what women are like, you think you're going in there with this reasonable kind of logical. Let's talk about this. And if that other woman is in this space of rage, grief, all these things, huge emotion, swinging pendulum, she's gonna like, **** you. You know, you tell me. Of course you're gonna say that. The other thing I would like to say, and this is interesting from my point of view, from my age. Point of view is 15 years ago, of course, you didn't have the iPhone issue. Yeah. So there's not gonna be any footage.

Suzie : Real proof.

Mel: Right. It's not like today. Like, literally everything's everywhere. And why anybody does anything without fear is a mystery to me.

Suzie : People like the fear. That's what they do.

Mel: Yeah, I think that's obviously tantalizing, isn't it? But, you know, you don't know. Maybe they wrote love letters to each other. Maybe there is a photo of something. Yeah, exactly. Maybe her husband admitted something. Maybe they had a discussion. You just don't know. And that would be my fear if you sort of went down the road of, okay, I've been lying this long. I'm just gonna carry. I'm gonna take the lie. So it protects my husband, essentially, you know, that line of thought. And you just kind of lie because you don't know what this woman has on. You don't know. And this is a kind of unpleasant, slightly blackmail y situation. I mean, I do understand this is blackmail, right? Well, yeah.

Suzie : I mean, like, I just don't think, as a daughter of a lawyer, you don't want to write her any kind of a letter of any sort. I don't even know if you want to get on the phone with her. Cause she could record it. Like, I'm just trying to think of these things that she could do to turn it against you and to show your husband, I don't think you want to engage in any sort of way. If anything, you write her a text or whatever, an email, and being like, hi, I got your letter. I'm so sorry to hear about John. I'd love to see you. You know what I mean? I'd love to see you. And then you also have a little bit of time. You're not admitting to anything, right? You're not admitting to anything, but you have some time to kind of be like, hey, if I do meet with this woman, what am I going to say? And then you might change your mind in the moment, too.

Mel: 100%. I mean, I did think of that, and I thought, well, yeah, but it sort of then opens a dialogue. And, you know, and then I think.

Suzie : You'Re going to regret it, though, if you don't see her.

Mel: Yeah. I mean, I think. Do you go and sort of somehow approach her first and then talk to your husband? Because that would be. My worry, is that at this point, the lies are the lies. But if your husband inadvertently finds out because you haven't spoken to him first.

Suzie : Then your husband's not gonna find out. Your husband's not gonna find out. He's not a woman.

Mel: No, but what I mean is, what if this is a family friend which she's threatening to write? You just don't know how she's gonna get to him.

Suzie : You can tell her she's ******* crazy. You can tell him she's ******* crazy.

Mel: Well, that had also occurred to me. She could deny you, and she's been.

Suzie : Denying the whole time.

Mel: But, I mean, that is the thing. Do you just deny this to preserve your relationship? And I would like to say, because people have been coming at me on YouTube, is that. I'm not suggesting that that's a good thing. I mean, you know what I would say? Don't have the ****** affair in the first place.

Suzie : Yeah, but we're so perfect like you, Mal.

Mel: Thank you, Suzy. But this has happened now, and that really is a pointless thing for me to say. This has happened. She is. All these many years later, she has a happy marriage.

Suzie : She's been with her husband.

Mel: She has a husband. And at the end of the day, you do not want to cause him pain. This is going to destroy him.

Suzie : So deny.

Mel: So there is one. Yeah. I mean, it's carry on with the lie, but so. And I don't have an answer because I think this is very.

Suzie : We don't have an all.

Mel: There are only. Exactly. Thank you, Susie. There are only certain routes you can go down, but I think you have to be very careful because your husband could hear through this woman. You don't know. Maybe this woman's gonna start talking to other people. I mean, you just don't know.

Suzie : You don't know if she's.

Mel: That she's a little bit unhinged because she's not in a great place. You just don't know. So, you know, do you sort of start some kind of conversation with your husband? Say, look, so and so has contacted me. She's really kind of upset a lot. Like, kind of open that conversation. Not necessarily talk specifically about the affair, and just so he knows you've had contact. So it wouldn't be like, oh, my God, you were lying. That you'd had contact kind of thing. I guess that's one way of dealing with it. I think you really have to come to terms with, do you just carry on lying or do you fess up? Do you tell.

Suzie : It's so interesting to me that you keep on being like, you're lying. You're lying even though she hasn't thought about it. Is it lying even though she doesn't say anything?

Mel: No. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So fair enough. I should explain really more what? I mean, I agree. I think that if something happens a long time ago, like I said, and in this case, because they moved far away from each other, they're sort of away, they closed the door. They truly closed the door. And she put the whole thing in her little back pocket, in her little drawer, in her mind or wherever it is, and then was able to carry on with her life.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: Now, the other thing, you're also underestimated. So what? So sorry, I'm not going to jump forward. So why is she lying? Well, she's lying because she spent two years with this man and she was married.

Suzie : She was definitely lying then.

Mel: Yeah. Of course, if you don't. I'm sorry, but if you don't tell your husband, this is a. This is an untruth. This is cheating. This is lying.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: You didn't tell him. So the fact that you haven't talked about it or done it for the last 15 years or 13 years or whatever, that the time is doesn't make any difference. It's not continuing lie. It's not an active lie.

Suzie : Yeah. Yeah.

Mel: It's just. You're living a lie. Right. Yeah.

Suzie : Like you're not telling. Not telling your husband or your partner everything isn't lying to them. It's just not telling them everything.

Mel: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting, the Susie perspective. So I. I would say there's no.

Suzie : Right answer, but I'm just.

Mel: I think all husbands and wives. Let me just. All husbands and wives don't tell the full truth.

Suzie : Yes.

Mel: Like, but not like, in my case, it's nothing to do with cheating. It's like I may not be completely specific about what store I've just been to. I may or I may choose the time when I'm gonna mention something.

Suzie : Yes. We're very. We should be smart in our relationship.

Mel: I'm very smart, and my husband is fully aware of this.

Suzie : He's very smart with his things.

Mel: He totally does it to me. So I know when to approach him about things or when he's a bit tetchy. And he knows when. Don't talk to me about these things. That's. It's not lying, it's managing people.

Suzie : Absolutely. Yeah.

Mel: Cheating is a whole different realm.

Suzie : Trust me. I'm not saying that, like, yeah, yeah.

Mel: I know lots of people do it. And that's why I think this writing is really interesting. And I would like to say that I really am trying my very best to not come from a place of judgment. Although cheating, and I. That's why I said at the beginning, has impacted my life. Not me personally, but impacted my childhood greatly.

Suzie : Well, you personally.

Mel: So I have a very specific idea of it and what it does to people. But I'm obviously a human being. I understand why people do it, but.

Suzie : That'S also because he brought it into your life, talking about your father. Right. Like, this woman is trying to not do that 100%. She's trying to save these little pieces that she still has 100%. So how does she do that?

Mel: Yeah. And I think a lot of people have these situations.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: Where something may have happened a very long time ago, whether it's a drunken night out. Yeah, baby. Or it's a long affair like this. And then they just got on with their life and they seemed to be fine. I mean, the thing that you are, we don't know, because we don't know this piece of information is, did the husband, if this was a family friend, actually suspect that there were feelings and just thought, oh, no, it's me imagining it or whatever. Did he suspect around that time that something was going on? I thought, oh, no, no, there was no proof, and they just moved on. Was she behaving differently in a sexual way or in an intimate way or an emotional way to her husband? Did he suspect? Was he having an effect?

Suzie : Exactly.

Mel: I mean, you just don't know.

Suzie : We don't know these facts.

Mel: So it's so difficult.

Suzie : I know. So, I mean, for her, just dealing with this other woman, who's obviously and rightfully upset, I think you have to just deal with it very carefully and not admit to anything, because you could put yourself in a very dangerous situation with your own life, and it's not worth it. Doesn't sound like it is worth ruining your life for. So do not admit to anything before you kind of are able to hopefully calm her down and have a real life, adult conversation with this woman face to face, because you can't do it over the phone, you can't do it over email. Do not do it over text. Do not have any proof that this is the thing.

Mel: But I would like to also say if, let's say you met her in a public place, you went for coffee or whatever. Also be really careful. People record conversations all the time.

Suzie : No, you're right. So do you just deny, deny, deny, Mel. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Mel: It's very, very difficult. I really don't want to say one thing or the other because I don't know.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: I'm not a professional.

Suzie : No, of course.

Mel: Nothing. All I would say is, I think you have to. You go down one route or the other and you've got to accept the maybe consequences that are good or bad. So if you deny, we're not going to say lie. We're going to call it deny, love it. You have to accept the fact somebody could ****** find out or there's some proof or there's something, and that is going to completely blow up in your face. If that's the case, and it's going to be a thousand times worse.

Suzie : You're right.

Mel: If you tell the truth, this could destroy your marriage, this could really hurt this man, etc. Etcetera. But you've told the truth. But as you say, and I am understanding this, I still don't necessarily think this is a place where I am totally comfortable with, but is telling the truth just to relieve your guilt rather than make the situation better? And I think a lot of the time people do admit to things because it makes them feel better, but it hurts the other person.

Suzie : Yeah, but is this pointless? Like, I mean, obviously we don't know the relationship that she has with her husband, but maybe if. If it were. If, like, if it were to. If she were to tell her husband, being like, hey, I have something I want to tell you. And it was 15 years ago. And just like, I want to be honest with you because I love you. And coming from that place and being like, I mean, honestly, I have no idea. I have never been in a relationship for 15 years. I have no idea what that's like. And we don't know what their relationship is like, but maybe is coming clean about it going to help the relationship too?

Mel: Well, it might do.

Suzie : I mean, you just never know, right?

Mel: It might do. I mean, the thing that I always. The place I always come from is lies, lies. Like built on lies and lies, lies. Yeah, they just eventually. And I. You know, that. That's the problem is you don't know. Why does this woman know? Why does she know? And does anybody else know?

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And, you know, it is nobody's business. And I have to say to you, I'm really sorry that this has happened, because I think this is an awful situation because you kind of moved on, although you, in my opinion, didn't do something great in your marriage, but you're a human being. You haven't committed some horrible crime. You did something that you're not supposed to in marriage, which is having fair. And this woman is not thinking with a rational mind. She's hurt, she's in pain, she's feeling grief. And those. That's not a rational person. So that would be my other problem, is if you contact her, it could get even worse. I know, because she may be like, you're the source of, you *****. And you're the source of all these. We just don't know where that's gonna go. And. But then this idea of it blowing over, not so sure that this is gonna blow over. That that's my.

Suzie : That's why I'm like, I don't also, it's scary to think that this woman's always possibly gonna come for you 100%. And so if you think it's gonna blow over, and it just never does, and then you always have this woman on your back, you either have to meet her.

Mel: I.

Suzie : Or tell your husband. And those are the only two options?

Mel: They're the only two options.

Suzie : Those are the only two options.

Mel: They're the only two options. And, you know, do you say something to your husband along the lines of this woman's, don't tell him that you're meeting her, but just that this woman's contacted you, and she's a bit, you know, unhinged kind of thing, so that he's aware of it in case she comes to him in between, you sort of go to her. Because my fear is that this, this person has said to us that it's a family friend. So we're all connected in this weird way. And who, you know, we know what families are like. People talk behind backs. They say things. They, you know, things often in families or friends or close friends in this can be mega blown over. And then you find out that, oh, my God, you know, so and so knew, or you just don't know, do you? And that's. That is a huge problem. But the. The other thing I would like to say, and I said this before, is, I think there's a lot of people in this situation. A lot. And like I said, I try and not be judgmental, because I get it. You're human, and **** happens and emotions take over and feelings of, you know, you know, passion and lust and whatever, which is not logical in itself. And generally happens because you're not in a good place. I mean, if you're married, something, it's.

Suzie : Usually about escaping, trying to figure out something deeper than what is actually going on.

Mel: And it's not as odd as it sounds. It's not always about sex. Obviously, the sex helps you escape. And obviously, a lot of the time people are having affairs because that is not happening in their own relationship. But sometimes it's actually not about that. It's about the sex. Like Pridjeton is the escape. So you could be having sex with the husband, having sex with this other person, but just it's a different type of sex. Or it's a sex in a different way, or a more passionate way, or more illicit way or whatever. And that in itself is the escape, if, you know, you understand what I'm saying. And I just think, oh, I mean, this could just become a disastrous situation.

Suzie : I know. Or it could be completely fine. Or it can just kind of obviously like grief. Who has ever been through it? It's horrible. And, you know, it's really hard to get over, especially if you're mad at someone. It's just awful. So she might be able to kind of talk herself out of it anyways. Because that's what happens. You know, you go through the stages of grief, and she sounds like she's in the anger stage. And so she may just calm down on her own. But I do think this is a really great opportunity for you, our listener, to think deep within yourself and be like, okay, has this come up for a reason? And do I want to deal with it now and be able to kind of get my clarity through it too? Cause you're a much different person than you were 15 years ago. A much different person.

Mel: That's actually a very, very good point. You make a very good point.

Suzie : Thank you, Mal.

Mel: It's an excellent point. Cause often, you know, people say things happen for a reason, which sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. But it's a very good point. Have you actually asked yourself this question, listener? Have you been thinking all these 15 years, has the guilt simmered somewhere in there and done something to you or your relation or whatever, that does some weird things to you? Guilt, right? Yeah. Has it simmered away? And the fact that she's contacted you and this person has passed, which is making it all resurface, is it making you think, I just want to deal with this. I just want to, you know, either tell my husband the truth and just say, okay, this happened. I'm not proud of it. I still love you. I hope you can still love me. And he may say no. And, I mean, if he does, you're going to have to just, and I don't know how you prepare yourself, but it sounds to me the likelihood is you're going to have to prepare yourself for something. You're gonna have to either prepare yourself for carrying on the denial, which in itself is a thing to bear.

Suzie : Yeah, of course.

Mel: Or you're gonna have to prepare yourself for telling the truth. And that leads you down another path and you hurt somebody and you may destroy your life. And that's not an easy thing, but I think you make a very, very good point. Has this happened to kind of. It's like a crossroads. We've got to deal with this one way or the other. And have you actually, in some kind of weird way, been living all these years thinking, is this ever going to come up?

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: Because let's face it, if you were family, friends, and you're connected in some way, somehow this was going to come to the surface. It's very different. You sort of have an affair and somebody moves to Australia and you move to the UK and you never see each other and you're not connected. This is whatever the thing is about however many degrees of separation, it's a little bit close, isn't it? And she doesn't tell us where he lives and where she lives. Yeah, I mean, you make a very, very good point.

Suzie : I mean, we hope this listener just is able to find her solution if she hasn't already. And if you have found it and you want to tell us what happened, I'd love to hear that. But, yes, this is very difficult. Obviously, Mel and I do not have the answer. We wish we did, but I hope we gave you a little bit more clarity in talking about it. But if you guys have any sort of advice for this lovely listener, you guys can always message us on our instas, sharemytooth pod, go to our website, sharemytruth.com, tell us what you guys think. We'd love to know or if you've been in this exact situation and what.

Mel: Did you guys do and how hard it is. And I suppose the other thing I would say is if this listener, the other alternative is, could you see some.

Suzie : Professional, professional advice and not just us.

Mel: Yeah. No, but just see the opinion of a professional and not just because they're not going to be able to give you the answer. Nobody can give the answer. The answer's got to come from within you and what you feel is the best way to deal with this. And then you've got to, I'm afraid, live with whatever that is. But I mean, a professional to also help you deal with all those feelings, whatever they are.

Suzie : Guilt, denial.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzie : Trust issues, anything.

Mel: Everything blows up. Somebody to really be there who knows what they're doing and seek some professional help. And I, you know, I definitely think I've done that in the past. I think that's very. That's very positive thing to do.

Suzie : Yeah.

Mel: And look, what I would like to say is, thank you very much for sharing the story because it's hugely emotional. It's very, very difficult. Yeah, we are really. And Susie and I come from different points of view.

Suzie : We're also very.

Mel: We're not. We're really not judging you. I think the whole point of this pod is we understand that people are human. Sex is messy, emotions are messy, and it creates situations. And if we were all perfect, these things would never happen.

Suzie : It's ridiculous being perfect. And hopefully your husband, if you do try to tell him how you're feeling, he will feel the same about you and he will feel empathy. And maybe he's also had an affair and you guys can talk.

Mel: You never know.

Suzie : You never know.

Mel: I mean, that's the crazy thing that I go back to, if you're never telling the truth.

Suzie : Yeah. Ever know? Because you don't, maybe. Yeah. You've no idea. Right.

Mel: It'd be what? No, I'm not gonna say it, but.

Suzie : What?

Mel: No, I'm not gonna say okay, because it's not. No. Anyway, I really wish you the best. I really do. Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best. I hope you choose the path that's right for you, not the path that's right for me, for Susie or anybody.

Suzie : Else, or therapist or anything. Or your husband or this woman. What is good for you.

Mel: What are you gonna work out the best for you? Exactly. Okay.

Suzie : Love you guys. We can't wait to hear you guys thoughts on this. And we shall see you on the other side.

Mel: We will. Toodles. Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruth Pod and leave us a voicemail on our website, sharingmytruth.com, to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time. Bye bye.

Suzie : Three, two, one. Yeah.