Suzie: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do. 1234 hello.

Suzie: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to sharing my truth pod. You're here with Susie and Mel and Mel and Susie. And we're here to say, share my truth. Pot is on display.

Mel: Wow.

Suzie: Do you like that?

Mel: That was amazing.

Suzie: It's gonna be a new one every time. And until we get it right, yeah. Everyone's here for the experience. No one needs jiggles anymore. Except for us, Suzy. Thank you. Here's sweet little friendly reminder, guys, to give this podcast a little five star review and subscribe to wherever you're listening to it. And you can also follow us at all of our social, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTubes, arimirtruthpod, go to our website, sherrymertruth.com, comma. Leave us a voicemail, snail mail, email. Just. We want to get in touch with you, want to hear from you, share your truth with us.

Mel: Hi, babes. Hello, darling.

Suzie: How are you?

Mel: I'm fabulous.

Suzie: You're fabulous in pink today.

Mel: I am. I like a bit of pink. And at my age, **** it. You can just wear what you want. Yeah.

Suzie: ****, I love that. And then you have your little red nails.

Mel: I do have red nails.

Suzie: I love it.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: It's spooky up in here.

Mel: Yeah. Okay.

Suzie: What are you gonna dress up as, sexy nerds?

Mel: I don't dress up.

Suzie: When's the last time you dressed up? I can't stand dressing up for anything.

Mel: Well, like, in my own clothes.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: But I have a real hatred of fanc. What do you call it here? Fancy dress parties, we call them in England.

Suzie: Fancy dress parties.

Mel: That's what we call it. So when you dress up.

Suzie: Costume parties.

Mel: Yeah, costume. That's got it. We call it fancy dressed.

Suzie: Fancy dress.

Mel: Yeah. And I absolutely hate it. So I hate Halloween. I obviously loved it for my children and was. Did it? I think about the furthest I went was a witch hat. I never actually wore a costume.

Suzie: That's very big of you.

Mel: It is. But, you know, ****. I was getting them dressed, following them around in the brain, getting candy. I think that's quite enough. Thank you. It is. We don't do it in England.

Suzie: No, really?

Mel: It started to become a thing, like in the last, I guess probably 20 years or whatever, but when I was a kid, nobody did Halloween trick or treat. We'd say, trick or treat. Oh, that's very american. We didn't do it. We didn't do any.

Suzie: So there's no candy, no we don't.

Mel: We do. I think people. Kids do do it now. But it's an american thing, right? A north american thing. So, like, Europeans are just like, yeah, they sort of do it half assed.

Suzie: Is there, like, their own thing, like the collection of the harvest or something?

Mel: No. Okay. We got nothing. But we. But because of commercial, like, everywhere. Because of marketing. Yeah.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: It is a thing now for kids. That's so interesting. There's not really an understanding of it. It's not like. It's not as mental as it is in North America.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: When I moved to Canada, I was just like, oh, my God, you are nuts. And the fact that people call it a holiday, I know, just drives me insane. So give me the day off then.

Suzie: I know. The fact that people go all out with their ******* cobwebs and stuff like that on their front lawns and ****. I'm just like, why are we ruining our lawns like this? Why are we ruining our house?

Mel: Anyway, so that's my bit. It's a bit bar humbug.

Suzie: No, but I feel the same way for Halloween, Elise. And then, you know, I've been playing with bunny every year, so it's like, well, I can't break something else. New in and well known.

Mel: It costs so much, and it can be exhausting, and nobody can remember, so who gives a ****?

Suzie: Wasted. Anyways.

Mel: Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, yes. Anyway, moving on.

Suzie: Back to the pod.

Mel: Back to the pod.

Suzie: Mel, what's our. What's our topic of the day?

Mel: So this is the topic. So it's basically about. This is actually from an article.

Suzie: Oh, your flashlight's time, you sojourn. Next.

Mel: Hang on, hang on. It's all now. You're so funny. I didn't do it.

Suzie: I wish I didn't tell you, to be honest.

Mel: Oh, dear. Go ahead. Love it. Anyway, what the hell was I talking about? Oh, yeah, I. So I've actually seen this in a lot of places about the rise of the single woman. So obviously, and this is actually a quote that was put on top of a picture of Samantha from Sex and the City. So. Which is obviously my era. But there weren't. I mean, I don't think there were as many single women. And what they're saying now, statistically, and I've seen this in lots of places, that by 2030. How old will you be in 2030?

Suzie: Ew. I don't want to think about that. Mal, what year is it? What year is it?

Mel: It's 2024. Six years.

Suzie: So I'm 29, right? Now.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So if you can do that math, I'm not gonna say it out loud.

Mel: Yeah. So I. Basically, this says, by 2030, 45% of american women ages between 25 and 44, which will be. You are projected to be single. And the shift is driven by, you know, desire for financial independence, higher relationship standards, and a focus on personal fulfillment. And I've seen in a lot of other places, it's not. It's like, let's say somebody of your age who are very young, millennial, by the time you're in your forties, like, half of all women will be single and childless. I love that for us. Yeah. So this is where our opinions are going to differ. And that. That is a stark. I mean, that's a huge. If that's true, that's a huge statistic.

Suzie: I just can't understand. Like, I was thinking about it for myself. I was actually thinking about this recently about just like. Oh, like. Because since I broke up with my really long term boyfriend, someone who I literally thought I was gonna marry and possibly have children with, you know, the children have always kind of been up in the air for me, but I was always like, you know, now it's like, am I going to have children? I'm like, I'm 29. I'm having the time of my life being a single girl. Not that I don't want another relationship. Cause I'm going out to date to not just ****, to have someone else in my life. I love that. But do I want to marry that person? Do I want to go down that route? Cause I'm assuming single is being not married.

Mel: Single isn't, I think, single pringle.

Suzie: Single pringle. For real?

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Cause I feel like statistically, like you're not gonna say you're in a common law marriage.

Mel: People usually don't.

Suzie: You know what I mean?

Mel: All these statistics are always.

Suzie: You know what I mean, though?

Mel: Yeah, I think, you know, and reading into it, 50% is a lot and whatever. And what do they actually mean? Do they mean people who are just not legally married?

Suzie: Exactly.

Mel: But I think whatever way you look at it, just as a general overview, there will be a lot of women, by the time you're in your forties who aren't married. And I would say. So I'm 51. So I would say my generation was the first generation where women, or I think obviously, my opinion, were getting married a lot later. So I got married probably quite early for most people. So I was 28. I have friends who were younger, but I'd say most of my friends were in their late thirties or older. And I'd say most of my friends who are mothers are either who are my age, who are my friends from uni or school or whatever, their kids a lot younger, or friends of mine whose kids are the same age as my kids are older than me. So I would say, are you following me? So what I'm trying to say is that people were already marrying a lot later and definitely having children a lot later.

Suzie: Yeah. Yeah.

Mel: Now, I happen to come from a family where everyone was older, so for me, it was normal. My mom was 36 when I was born. My dad's mom, my dad's dad was 45. Like, we have a lot of, like, generational **** going on in my family, so it wasn't that unusual for me. But it is. Was unusual generically.

Suzie: But I do see women, like, it's not, like, unheard of for women in my generation to marry younger, as in 24, 25. But when I see that happening, because I also work for an american company, and I have a lot. Like, I go to the US a lot, and I have a lot of people who I interact with that are much younger than me and already married. And I'm like, obviously, I keep my opinions to myself, but not on this podcast. And I'm like, that is so young. And statistically, you know, you're gonna be divorced by 35. No. Is that.

Mel: Well, not necessarily. I mean, of course. Yeah, the statistics, it's not great. Yeah, I would agree.

Suzie: Like, I'm like, you don't even know what. I think back to when I'm, you know, I'm 29 now, and I think back to when I was 24, which wasn't that long ago, 24, 23. Like, but I was such a different person.

Mel: Yeah. No, it is incredibly.

Suzie: My wants have completely changed.

Mel: 100%. They do. And you're incredibly young. I mean, I didn't set out to do this when I was 24, when I met Max, when I met my husband, and he was 23, and he says to me now, like, 25, whatever years later, 20, whatever, is that he definitely felt he was very young to be in a ser. Too young to be in a serious relationship, but he didn't want to let me go. Or, like, that's not so. And, you know, it's worked out, so that's fine, but it is incredibly young, you know? And now I can see at my age, so many people struggling in their relationships. Like, then they're sort of okay.

Suzie: But, like, the ones at your age struggling now because they got married too early is that what you mean?

Mel: No, not even. Well, some of them got married early. Some of them not even. They've just been married a long time. And, you know, it's not, it's not bad, but it's not great.

Suzie: Isn't this what kids do to relationships, though? It's like, oh, you get married because you're like, my time is running out to have children, and then you have these children and then your relationship falls apart because it wasn't strong enough in the beginning, and then you're just like, well, we have to have this kid. So now we have to get a divorce, but we have to kill, you know what I mean? There's just like a bunch of happiness.

Mel: It's interesting you should say that. So I would say I have a good bunch of friends who stayed single till quite, quite late on compared to me. And, you know, seemed, or they thought, oh, my God, I'm never going to get married. I'm never going to meet anyone. And they actually met, like, really good partners because they waited and they met the love. They literally met the loves of their life. And they're very happy and they had children, but now they're my age or a bit older, and they've got like, five and six year olds, which is a lot. You know, I've got a, you know, almost 20 year old and almost 17 year old is very different. But it is what it is. It happens when it happens, but I think what is happening today, so I think when I was young, I think there's an idea from millennials that Gen X's that we got married for money and stuff. We didn't. I mean, we, all my friends thinks that. I think there was still a sort of old fashioned perception a bit. But definitely my generation, all of my friends are educated. They all went to university. Not all from privileged backgrounds, a lot of them, but not all of them, but they all went to university. They all ended up in very good careers.

Suzie: Well, you're in the very feminist age.

Mel: Hundred percent, yeah. And because of children, a lot of my friends, obviously, we've, you know, you've maybe stopped working for a bit, went back or whatever happened, you know, it's all kind of diff. We have all my friends who have different situations. Having, like, the long term corporate gig is very hard if you have more than one kid. But, you know, some have, but most of them are all married and, but not, they didn't marry for financial reasons. Right. I mean, obviously, it definitely helps if the guy makes money. And I personally wouldn't have married a schlub should put it out. A schlub.

Suzie: And I told her schlubs out there.

Mel: Yeah, exactly. But this idea that now women don't have to marry men, which is what this quote was saying, which is the statistics were saying women aren't getting married for financial independence, for financial dependence. Well, we weren't doing it either, but I think. I think that's true in the sense that you. You know, what are we comparing that to in the 19th century?

Suzie: Well, no, but, like, every generation, it gets better and better for women, obviously.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: ******* hope so. Yeah. Obviously, we are having the most. We are able to make the most amount of money we've ever been made. Right. And that's just gonna keep happening. And especially because kids. It's the reality. Kids stop women from going on with their careers a lot of the time and, like, from stopping making the money and from stopping them to get the promotion. So a lot of women just aren't having kids because they're like, well, I value my life and my career more than I value having a child 100%.

Mel: I mean, it's about really, I think you. You kind of have to have an idea of where you want to be going.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Because, you know, in theory, you can leave having babies till quite young. And a couple of my friends have been in their forties till late. Yeah. And even my aunt was in her forties, but it's late. It's. It's dicey, you know? Like, you're not sure if it's gonna happen.

Suzie: My mom had me when she was 42.

Mel: Right. And it could. Or it could not have happened. Right?

Suzie: Oh, for sure. And honestly, like, if she, like, she was still in that era of, like, you. Like, that's the normal thing to do.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: You have to have kids kind of thing.

Mel: So she had it late. Yeah, she had his baby late.

Suzie: But, like, women just don't have that kind of mindset of anymore, of being like, okay, you have to get married. You have to have kids. You have to do all these things. It's like, whoa, wait, let's rethink this. Why do we have to do these things?

Mel: Oh, 100%. And I agree with that. I definitely think, you know, we are not in a world where you have to marry a mandev or you need to follow a certain set of rules and you should do what's right for you. And I 100% agree with that. The problem for women, which is not the same for men, is when you get to 40, if you suddenly go, ****, actually, I do want the kid and I do want to be very. For men, it's easier to change, of course, and for women, it's very hard, and that's the problem. So, like, if you haven't done it, like, in your twenties, like now I'm 51, my kids are going to. One's at university, one's going to university. It's almost like you have a rebirth, like, oh, wow, you know, all this freedom. Sorry, kids, if you're listening, they won't be listening as well. But it's like, you know, you've got. You get something back again because you had them. And I wasn't that young. I was 31 and 35. I know friends who were younger, but it was youngish at the time, to be honest with you. The problem for women is if you decide, and I've seen it many times with my friends who suddenly got 37 or 38 or 40 and suddenly go, oh, actually, I do want a child. And I do. An actual fact, I bumped into somebody I know yesterday who is wasn't, it was a relative of theirs who had a baby. She's now 50 and her son is three.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So she had him at 47 and she desperately wanted a child. And, you know, that's a blessing. She desperately wanted a child. But obviously, when you're 50 with a three year old, that's no joke. And that's the problem, is that it's really unfair as well. It's really unfair that women want it. You want it all, you want to have a career, you want to probably find a mate that you want to find, not just make do and maybe you want children and you want everything and all in its time and not too early. But that's the problem. Life doesn't kind of go in this kind of systematic way. And if you get to 45 or 40 or even late thirties, you're like, oh, now I'd like a baby. It's tough. And there's lots of stories out there. Now, I saw one the other day, which I don't remember where I saw it, so that's not very helpful. But it's of a lot of women who've frozen their eggs, particularly of your generation, and probably a little bit older, sort of 35, who froze their eggs, thinking, you know, they're career women, blah, blah, blah, and then they've come to use their eggs and they're not like, they put too much like this plan work, right? And then for whatever reason, they're not viable or whatever, I don't know enough about it, but it's like they put. It's. They put all this, all the things in one basket, if you will, exactly. In that. It's gonna be fine. Cause I can just press the pause button.

Suzie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mel: But of course, nature and whatever's going on in your body and whatever else doesn't necessarily want to cooperate.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I think that's the problem. And the other big issue is why are so many women single? Well, they're probably single because we've talked about this on previous pods and we've talked about this, you and I, a lot, that you miss moi, miss va va vum, Susie. Like that, you who are very confident, you have to go up to men and approach them.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: Which is completely bananas to me, is.

Suzie: Like, there is a reason there's more single girls now, right. Because women one have higher standards. Thank God.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: I mean, and then, like, you know, as you're saying, men are. And, like, I understand why this is happening because we live in a different world and men are a little bit more afraid to kind of say the wrong thing because we're gonna, like, go after them in a weird way.

Mel: Yeah, yeah.

Suzie: And that does happen. And it's just like, men just don't be ******* weird and then hopefully that just won't happen to you. But, yeah, like, men do not approach, which is bananas. At all. At all. I will look and like, you know, whatever. I will look hot.

Mel: You look hot right now.

Suzie: All of my friends. Okay. I don't, you know, like, all of my friends are super hot. We all go out, like, literally very, very, like, small amount. Like a small amount of times that we're gonna get approached. Or if we are getting approached, it's by older men.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And it's not by men of our generation.

Mel: Exactly my point. Cause they are from the generation where you did it.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: And it's bananas to me. I mean, you. If you cannot get somebody approached, there is no hope for the human race. No, I mean, it's just bananas. And I was telling you, like, you know, when I was your age, you know, getting hot, getting my glad rags on and going out. This nice expression for you.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And you just stood there.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: With your friends and guys came up to you and bought you drinks all night.

Suzie: Here's the other thing too, though, is that I remember when I was like, 18 and just starting to go to the bars, that would happen still. But nowadays, and this is literally ten years later of, like, now going to the bars and literally, like, you could sit there all ******* night by yourself.

Mel: It's just so interesting.

Suzie: Maybe one guy will talk to you. It's so weird.

Mel: It's so bizarre.

Suzie: Men also don't look up from their phones.

Mel: Well, yeah. And this is obviously another problem.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: But you think about it, like, if you were shy. Yes. Oh, my God.

Suzie: Oh, I'd be ******.

Mel: Or, like, you know, 99.9% people who don't look like you. I mean, how on earth. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy.

Suzie: I know.

Mel: I mean, men and women, and we're. Before anybody comes at me, we're talking in this conversation about men and women. That's what they're designed to do, is.

Suzie: To, like, you know, make babies and ****.

Mel: Yeah, yeah. And it's like, how are you gonna do that if you don't meet anyone? And the hu. Like, you are. You are sort of attracted somebody. You see them, you go up to them. That's what you want to do. Yeah. And I think there's this other thing that's happened, and my husband talks about all the time, like, he would. And he's very confident, and he said he would just always go up to girls, and he had his lines, and he would get rejected all the time. But he didn't just got up and carried rejected. He just kept going. But now I feel like men are a little bit more delicate, and if they and his guy friends were all the same, and they were all like, just keep going, keep going until you, you know, score, as it were. I mean, you don't get like, okay, she rejects me. Next one. You know, like the numbers game.

Suzie: Yes, yes.

Mel: And I feel that now, men, there is this issue that they're worried they're gonna get some weird ******* situation, which is quite possible, let's be frank.

Suzie: It is.

Mel: Nowadays there are some maniacs and people who really are gaming the system. And it's horrible for people when something has actually happened to a woman, when something terrible and tragic happens, that somebody else is taking the **** and inventing a story. It's horrible. Right. But that's the nature of life, isn't it? But that men are so scared that something. Somebody's gonna accuse them of, I don't know, something ******* crazy. There's that. Then there's the thing, like you said, everyone's always on their ****** phone. Yes. And it's like, oh, yeah, we.

Suzie: I hate the dating apps. And I'm talking for me, too, but, like, ******* hate the dating apps. Like, they never work. I'm not actually meeting somebody or I keep getting ghosted. Or it's just like, I can't get past, like, day two or three. And it's just like, why isn't it happening? It's like, because people are on the apps constantly. You're always on your phone, you're always looking at Instagram, you're always looking at other things. You always think that there's something better, and that's a lot of people's problems. Also, I feel like a lot of single women are taking those. Like, we've talked about this before on dating apps. It's like you're finding out way too much information way too quickly first. Like, you shouldn't know this much about a person and make these judgments about a person. You're making it way too fast. But it allows women and men to kind of, like, be like, oh, well, you know, I feel like we're perfect for each other, and then they move way too quickly, and it scares people away. And then you're like, it's just all bad all around. But this is because we're not meeting people serendipitously anymore, right? Like, just at the bar or, like at a coffee shop or, like, at a ******* library or an art gallery. Like, there's all these places, but people just aren't willing to talk to each other anymore.

Mel: No.

Suzie: So you can't meet people. It's so crazy.

Mel: It's very odd. And if you think all the sort of rom coms, they still show this idea that you go to a party and you meet somebody or you go to something and it doesn't seem to be happening.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I think there is. I think the dating apps have also done it. And I've seen a lot of people talking about this, that women's standards are so high now that they want. You know, and this is the irony. We'll go back to an original point about money. They want the guy that makes the big bucks. They want the guy that's nice. They want the guy that's can have.

Suzie: The baby and wants to get.

Mel: They want the whole package. But of course, that's, like, however many men out of however many. I mean, that's the top. Plus, they want him to be, you know, Tom Brady. Yeah.

Suzie: Well, as a single girl right now, for me, like, I am dating the guys who are older who don't want kids anymore, most likely. They most likely don't wanna get married. Right now, that works for me because that's not what I'm looking for right now. I'm looking for single kind of fun. But at some point, you know, I'd like to get married. You know, I don't know if I want kids, but I'd like to have one partner at one point and just, like, share a life with that person. But it's just like, at this point, for men my age, it doesn't look like it's gonna happen with those guys.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Which is so bad because older guys just, like, are so much. They just give you so much more. Except for the children and the marriage, but in the general bit.

Mel: Right. But I think it's an interesting point. Like, most of the guys you're talking about are Gen X kind of age. And they are, and I could say this because my husband's Gen X. I know a lot of Gen X Men. They are more confident. They're nothing. They're obviously very cautious and very concerned about the environment. Like the sort of me, too, kind of being accused of stuff. Kind of stuff which wasn't around when we were younger or being false. They accused. I mean, is. What I mean is like, being put in a situation like. No, I. No, like, you've misunderstood the situation. But I generally find they're very confident. They've also lived life. They can hold themselves well. And also men in their fifties, and I say this a lot to my husband, is that women. Women do look a lot better in their fifties now than they did, you know, years ago when they looked about 80. And now, you know, we're allowed.

Suzie: The golden girls were supposed to be in their fifties. So. Crazy.

Mel: Exactly. Like, now you're allowed to look trendy and you're allowed to wear cool clothes and stuff like that. And obviously there's lots of procedures and whatever you can do. But I do think that men look particularly good.

Suzie: Oh, my God. Yeah.

Mel: In their fifties. But I do say this to my husband all the time. I say, just, you know, hold yours because you're gonna look really good, and you're gonna get your seventies, and you're gonna fall off a cliff. Right. Because most, I have to say that explains. Possible, is that women, then I find that women in their seventies tend to look better than women in the men in their seventies. So that's my.

Suzie: Oh, interesting.

Mel: I think there's a sort of. Yeah, I think when they get older.

Suzie: It'S such a real thing.

Mel: Yeah. But the point I'm making is I do agree. I think men, if they've, you know, looked after themselves, they look good in their fifties and they've worn their life well, and they, you know, you know, have some hair and are not too overweight and all the rest of it. They do look good. Yeah, but so the problem with single. Going back to why there will be so many single women, and I think from your point of view, you think it's not an issue. And I'm not saying it's an issue. I just think it will have lots of knock on effects because these things always do. Like, you know, you look at a population like China, and they. They don't have enough girls, they don't have enough women because they've got all these men. Right? So there will be a knock on effect if there are, you know, and then there are less children and.

Suzie: Yeah, but here's the thing. There are. And this is also a reason for why I am second guessing having children. And it is because of the environment. And I think there are a lot of women out there, millennial women, Gen Z women, who are looking at this being like, do we need more children in the world? Probably not. And they're actually making their decision because of that. And I just read an article about a woman who just, like, literally made. That was, like, the deciding factor for it, of, like, I care about the environment. There doesn't need to be any more children. I don't want any children, so I'm not gonna have children. And, like, that is, like, a point that I think about constantly. I'm like, I'm just bringing the world, and I don't wanna people who have children. I don't think you think like this, but there is that thing of, like, having child is selfish. Right? And there is that point where it's like, oh, I just wanna have a child because it'll make me feel better. Right? Like, you're not even thinking about, like, 20 years down the line when, like, what kind of a world is this child gonna live through?

Mel: I mean, yeah, I see where that's.

Suzie: A lot, but, like, that is reality.

Mel: Yeah, I see where you're coming from. But there is another argument that we obviously do need to repopulate the human race.

Suzie: Do we, though?

Mel: Well, do we all just die out?

Suzie: Why not?

Mel: Well, okay, fair enough. I mean, you know, I don't have to worry about it. You're gonna have to worry about it. Cause you're gonna be in a world where I, you know, there aren't going to be enough young people, and you won't have a pension because of anybody to.

Suzie: I already probably don't have a pension. Don't we know this about Canada yet? That's why I'm trying to marry rich baby.

Mel: Yeah, well, that's a, that's a good move. But you see, again, that's funny to me. And I hear a lot of women your age saying that I want to marry a man with cash. I want to marry a man who does. Well, I hear younger women say it and I, you know, all for that. Very smart. But that almost goes against.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: The financially independent. It just doesn't make any sense. That doesn't equal. X. Doesn't equal.

Suzie: It's all bullshit, Mel.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: You have to just live for you people.

Mel: I know. Well, I say this all the time and I'm very successful doing it, I'd like to say. But what I. The point, I think about single women and I hate, and this is very mama mellish, but the problem is, is you are, if you want to change your mind, try and change it ******* quickly, because if you get. I'm default. Yeah. And I hate this, that. It's just true. But it does run out. And you can't be 42 and suddenly decide, oh, yeah, I'm gonna freeze my eggs. I mean, you know, it's freeze my eggs. You can freeze them. I don't know if they're gonna do anything, but, yeah, like if a man's.

Suzie: Gonna get the vasectomy, make sure that he has a little sperm left for you.

Mel: You see, I'm not a big. See? And now we're going off. I'm not a big. I'm not a big fan of vasectomies. What? Yeah.

Suzie: Why? You don't have a *****. Who cares what you think about their bodies?

Mel: Wow. So progressive of you. I think if the man wants to have a vasectomy, that obviously that's entirely up to him. But it does kind of, I don't know. You'd never know what happens in life.

Suzie: No, **** him. You know, snip em, snip em all. Snip em. It's reversible.

Mel: Oh. Which actually leads into our next subject. Does it?

Suzie: Yes, it does.

Mel: Do you like my segue there, Mel?

Suzie: What's the tea today, darling?

Mel: So the tea is this. And I'm just getting her article up.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: Is this is from the Times of London? Yes. The time of is saying that. And I have heard this. This is not like actually news to me. Although this was published on the 27 September, is that the NHS, which is the National Health Service, it's like in our state, England Health Service. Yeah, is a huge organization, gathers lots of statistics, so they probably should know something is saying that women's health leaders fear that social media myths are leading to a dramatic rise in unplanned pregnancies and abortions. So, basically, and they mention, particularly TikTok, that young women are looking at content that's talking about particularly what the pill and stuff does to you, hormonal changes, potential cancer, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all this sort of stuff, and are making a decision which is not. I'm not saying none of those things are untrue. It's just they're not really balanced in the whole kind of information. So I have a very specific viewpoint of this. So I. Do you want me to start your head?

Suzie: And then, yes, of course, I will come in.

Mel: So that a lot of women think opposed, as opposed to my generation, where every girl I know went on the pill, yes, for hormone, to control their hormones, for acne, blah, blah, blah. And then some people, for contraceptive reasons, because obviously it doesn't stop all the horrible nasties, but they're saying that a lot of girls are opting out and they're not really thinking about. They're still looking at the TikTok and all, whatever they're seeing online and whatever platform, they're seeing it, because we're not going off to TikTok. I like to. And that. That's causing knock on effects. Now, I understand there are huge, huge issues with contraception, with oral contraception. I personally use the ring, which is the same hormonal contraception, and, you know.

Suzie: There'S still bad things with that.

Mel: 100%.

Suzie: That's not like, just like, you know.

Mel: I think there's a differing. And this is where we're two women that can differ, not just because we're different generations, but I'm somebody who has suffered massively from extreme, extreme pain. Yeah. Which I started my period when I was twelve. A lot of information, sorry, but I was twelve. It was very young.

Suzie: Me too. Me too.

Mel: Which was quite young in those days. And I had, I mean, doubled over, like, had to take days off, like, extreme pain.

Suzie: Horrible.

Mel: Caused me all sorts of hormonal. I'm just what they call a hormonal woman. Isn't that lovely? You know, gave me, like, really bad acne when I was younger. Like, I just got everything from it. So really, the only thing that helped me was going on the pill. And, you know, I was 17, maybe 17 when I went on the pill, and on and off. I'm still. Because I'm still not menopausal for the whole world to know, still on using contraception.

Suzie: Wow.

Mel: Because the minute I come off it, it completely ***** me up. Now, there is an argument that obviously if I hadn't done it, it wouldn't have ****** me up. And who knows what fuckage has happened along the way because of what it's done to your hormones. But I just know where the point I started from. So I think for the women who don't suffer, which I think men think that periods are the same for all women, which they're not, of course. And we all suffer in different ways. Like, some women get very bloated, some don't. Some experience severe pain, some women get acne, some women don't. Some women get all of it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And if you are really suffering, you gotta find a solution. Otherwise you literally cannot function. So you use hormonal contraceptives. And I know that, like, your point of view would be like, it does **** you up. And I'm not saying it doesn't, but I mean, at my point in my life, I literally am terrified to come off it, so I will have to come off it.

Suzie: Why are you terrified to come off it?

Mel: Because I have come off it and I just felt dreadful.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: I mean, and it affects my mood, it makes me feel.

Suzie: Is that because of the pill or is that because of your own hormones?

Mel: Yeah, my own hormone, because it's controlling me. Right. It's controlling my. So basically, I then as a. Which what most women, to go into menopause, you have to have a year of not having a period. So the only way you can know that is to come off any form of contraception.

Suzie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mel: Not have it for a year. So be basically feel like for a year, which I'm gonna have to do.

Suzie: But it might just go back to normal.

Mel: It might, but I'm fearing this is unlikely. It might. And then I can take HRT. Okay. Which is a menopausal HRT is hormone replacement therapy, which is interesting. Like, in the UK, like, all of my friends take HRT here has a very different kind of.

Suzie: I've never even heard of this.

Mel: Well, there you go. HRT is like, you know, if you, you know, if you are gonna suffer really badly in your menopause, which is like, literally, if it's bad for you, you know, a period on crack for seven years, that's horrible, you're gonna ******* take something to control your hormones, you know? You know, and women, during perimenopause and menopause, we are going off track here. But you, you know, you can feel hot at night, you can sweat, you feel itchy you feel pain. I mean, the list just goes on and on and on. And not just what that does to women, but what that does to the men or whoever, whomever they're in a relationship with.

Suzie: And there's children and, like, everyone dealing.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So you take, um, hormone replacement therapy to, well, I guess, balance your hormones. But the, the problem with, um, and I probably should look this up before I say this, but, um, with, you know, being on oral hormonal contraceptives is the different ones have different balances of. Yeah, whatever they have. Estrogen, progesterone, whatever it is.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And then obviously at a certain age, you shouldn't be having too much.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Estrogen or whatever it is. And so. But it's very problematic. Like, what do you do if you're a woman?

Suzie: Okay, well, I'll give you my little two cent about birth control because I first got on oral contraception because my doctor wanted me to go on it when I was like, maybe 16 or something like that.

Mel: Why?

Suzie: I don't know. Because I was sexually active and so kidding. She's like, kay, so you're going on birth control? My mom didn't want me to go on it, but I didn't tell my mom that I was on it because you don't need your parents permission, I think, at 16 at that point. So I went on it and my mom was like, kay, I see that you're on it.

Mel: The facts of what's in it, the birth control.

Suzie: And so, like, I say that you're on it. I don't want you to be on it.

Mel: Not.

Suzie: Because, like, she wasn't mad, she was just like, she's just like, this is not good for your body. You should be totally natural with your body. Like, if you can be, just use condoms, like, just be safe, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, honestly, like, I agree, but I'm gonna try it. So I did. Was on it for three months, and then I was super inconsistent with the pill because you have to be very consistent with the pill for it to work if people don't know that. So you have to take it literally at the exact same time every day of the ******* year. And, like, and like, even, like, you're taking those, like, placebo ones for the week of your period. So, like, so that didn't work for me. And so my doctor then prescribed the ring, the nuvaring. And when my mom saw that, she was like, okay, you're not going on the ring because she read a bunch of articles with, like, women literally going into like septic shock or whatever it is with the ring in and then, you know, losing limbs or something crazy.

Mel: So, yeah, probably because they left it in. I mean, I've been using.

Suzie: I think it was. No, I know. And some people works and some people it doesn't. Right. Like you have to kind of figure out the cons for you. So I haven't been on anything since I was really like 16 or 17. So I have literally just been using condoms and the pull up method and, well, like, knowing your natural cycle and like, I don't ever not use a condom. That was double negative. But like, you get the point. Like, I always use a condom with new people. Always. That someone I'm not in a relationship with, I'm always gonna be using a condom with. Also, I'm very, very, very aware of my cycle and my body, right. And just like, I now have sex with guys who've had a vasectomy. So that's really, really nice. Very pro vasectomy. Cause I'm like, you deal with your stuff and then I don't have to deal with my stuff, you know?

Mel: Got it.

Suzie: So obviously pregnancy is something that I do not want. Obviously Sti's are a huge ******* factor and I definitely have never had one and I've never wanted one. So that's why I use condoms for every new person I sleep with. But it's always worked for me. And that's also the point, right? You have to find something that works for you. But I also wanna say, like, everyone, everyone I knew, and that was also a point where I was like, oh, I wanna be on birth control. Cause all my friends are on birth control at like 16. Right? And like, the fact was is that like, you know, you got bigger ******* when you go on the pill. And like, you know, like, if you had bad acne, they would prescribe you birth control. Which I don't agree with, to be honest. If you have bad acne, it's a hormonal thing and it's okay to go through regular natural hormones when you are a teenager.

Mel: Hang on. Did you ever have bad acne?

Suzie: I had acne. Everyone has regular acne.

Mel: How bad? Like one spot on your forehead?

Suzie: Like some spots sometimes.

Mel: Okay, so if you. Sorry to interrupt, but if you have really bad, really bad acne.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Which at one point I did.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: Like, I mean, is this before you.

Suzie: Went on birth control?

Mel: Um, I had sort of ack. Yes, yes. So quite bad. Like covered like red, like bad, like, you know, you see those kids, like, really bad.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So then I later took this. I don't know what they call it here, but it's called accoutre. Accoutane. Yeah.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So. Which is also. People hate that, but I've taken that twice and sort of literally.

Suzie: Your skin is perfect, though, right now, Mel.

Mel: Yeah, but that nuked it. And I. Yeah, but I mean, what I'm trying to say is that if you are in a place, particularly acne, and for some young people, it can be so bad. Yeah. I wasn't, you know, it was kind of very red and, you know, spotty. I wasn't like cystic pustule, whatever. It was more like very teenagey but bad. Yeah, it is awful.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Because it affects your confidence. You can't go out. You feel. You just feel awful. So the people who don't have it have no idea what that's like. And you'll do anything. Yeah. You will literally use snake's blood. It doesn't matter. Just get this off my face in the most, like, you know, time of your life where you're very self conscious and everything else, and there's this thing that can stop you get in cramps, that can get rid of the stuff on your face and the side effects.

Suzie: Down the road, which there are potentially a ginormous amount of side effects. Of course, everything's potentially right. Like, you can still get pregnant if you're on birth control. There's always, like, you know, percentages of all these things. Like it does possibly cause cancer. It does give you whatever it is shocking of the system. I really don't know. Cause I've never been on it. Like, I've never read these things. Right. Like, there's a ginormous list of side effects that you are getting from being. From taking a pill every single day. And I also know people who have found it really hard to get pregnant after being on the pill for so long because they're so. Their body's so used to it, which is another problem.

Mel: Yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess it's. I mean that I had the complete easiest problem. I came off the pill and I was pregnant like that.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And I was. It actually frightened me because I thought, oh, my God, I've had about a hundred babies by now, literally, each time, and I only have two children. I decided to have a bit. I was just pregnant straight away, and so it was a bit. And. But to me, it proved the point, kind of oddly, that you're saying that my body is so hormonal, is like and when I had both my children, I had everything.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: I was just like a hormonal mass crazy of yuckdom. And I looked like the size of a small country, and I just had everything. Yeah, just everything. And it's all hormonal. And, you know, you're right, and I'm very happy for you. And I mean this genuinely, as a woman, that you are able to not have to do it.

Suzie: Yeah. I also like doing. Don't like being pushed into something hundred percent. I think that's what a lot of the doctors do. Right.

Mel: Yeah. Like, I'm not. They don't really do that now. I mean, I have young, you know, women in my life, so I know what doctors do, and they don't actually do that anymore. I think there's a shift away. I think there's a lot more conversation, which there was none when I was young, about what it can do to you.

Suzie: No, there was none.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: The only reason I kind of knew is cause my mom was so not for it.

Mel: Right, right.

Suzie: But all my other friends are on it. Still on it. We're on it. Right.

Mel: But I mean, it's. I mean, the other thing is just to understand, and I would. If anybody is listening to this, and possibly we're just speaking to avoid now going into void. Yeah. But, like, you know, thinking about switching, thinking about controversy, any of those things is please, please do your research.

Suzie: Yeah, you can try different ones.

Mel: Try different ones. Because I've also had the. What's the thing they shove up the IUD. The IUD?

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: The worst experience of my life. And again, like you, I had to see the gynecologist for something else. And she's like, you know, you're at that age, about five, six years ago, she said, this is a really good thing to do. Lots of my friends running.

Suzie: The hormonal one or the non hormonal one.

Mel: Yeah, I think it's a hormonal one.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And nobody prepared me. And this is my own fault. I didn't do the research. Nobody prepared me for how ******* uncomfortable it is.

Suzie: Putting it in.

Mel: It is horrendous. And, you know, it was so uncomfortable that, like, literally I had it put in. I just couldn't. It was like, oh, my. And I have quite a high pain tolerance.

Suzie: Right.

Mel: And I was. I couldn't believe how I felt so awful. And you could feel it, and I could feel it for days there. And I literally left her office, walked out the door and vomited. I was so uncomfortable, and it made me feel awful. And that's, again, like it says, you know, if you just look up hormonal contraception, hormonal contraceptives contain estrogen, progesterone or progesterone only. So those are the things to understand, you know, what your body needs, what works for you, blah, blah, blah. And that was that problem with the iudinal. I, if you are able to not have to take it and you're good at managing it, yeah, I mean, we can argue about the pull it out method, but whatever. Of course, but because you can get pregnant, my friend who just had a third baby, and she told me, I said, how, I thought you were on the pill. How'd you get pull it out method?

Suzie: I'm like, look, I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, I'm not saying number three, but like, I'm joking, you know? No, no, no. Like, it's definitely not the best thing to do, but knowing your cycle, I think, is very powerful for women, too.

Mel: I agree with you. And like, I 100%, and I think your generation and Gen Z's in particular are really good at it. Like, both my daughters have an app, like, they know, and, you know, older people just think, oh, that's ridiculous. I actually think that's really great. Yeah. Because I would have had absolutely no clue if I wasn't on the pill. I would know. I have no idea what day, no idea. And you know when you go to the doctor and they say, oh, blah, blah, blah, when was your last period? Blah, blah, blah. Honestly, if I wasn't taking something, I wouldn't know. I just know it from the times when you have to put it in and take it out kind of thing, which is what the ring you have to do. But I think if you don't have to do it, of course it's great. If you don't need, essentially, medication.

Suzie: Exactly.

Mel: To help you, then of course it's better. But I unfortunately do. I mean, I don't know if most of the women in my family, we're all the same, so we've all had to take it. We're all chronically affected by it. Which, on the.

Suzie: It's a genetic thing.

Mel: It's a genetic thing, yeah, apparently. Means we can have babies easily. I'm not sure what that means, but.

Suzie: Yeah, of course, that's why the London population is just booming.

Mel: Booming. I know, but anyway, but I think that the thing that's wrong in this, my thing about this article in the, what did I say it was in the Times, which I don't think is fair, is that it's. And it's a little. It's quite patronizing. The article is that young women now are much more informed.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: And they are going to things like TikTok because it's a search engine and they're looking for information. If you are only taking that information, that's not a good idea. But if you are doing some research, which my generation did, zero, then I applaud you. But if you're going to do the research, do lots of research, and then make a decision on everything, not obviously on the basis of one TikTok, which I'm sure lots of kids do, but at least they're doing something.

Suzie: No? Yeah. And like, that's exactly what I love about this. Right, right. Cuz it's like it was just pushed enough push in us and on us. Right. Like the idea of birth control. Birth control in general. If you weren't on it, you were ******* weird. You know what I mean? Like, as a teenager. And now that people are actually, like, thinking about, like, thinking twice about it.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: It's like, thank God. Yeah, thank God they're thinking twice. You're literally putting a medication in your body which you don't know what it is.

Mel: I agree.

Suzie: Like, of course, be as educated as you can be, but you should definitely do what's right for you. And if you are sexually active, then, yeah, you should think about protection and whether it's birth control with the condom, like the pill with the condom or anything else like that. Yeah, you should double up, girl, if you want. You should definitely, definitely double up if you can. But knowing your cycle is also very powerful and using all of the, you know, all the resources that we have now.

Mel: I agree. And there are a bunch of apps. And actually, on the subject of doubling up, that's very funny, because I went to see my doctor recently, and it was about my ring, and she's like, you do know that this, you know, it doesn't protect you against Sti's name? I've been on the earth quite a long time. I know that. Thanks so much.

Suzie: No, but also, like, who are you sleeping with?

Mel: Well, I know, but she's quite a young doctor, and I hadn't seen. I've maybe seen her twice. I've switched doctors. It was just so funny the way she said it in such a. She obviously has to really. I'm like, yeah, I got that. I know that.

Suzie: So why. Okay, and this is, like, probably the last thing I say about this, but why? Why don't you want your husband to get a vasectomy? Do you think you're gonna have another child?

Mel: Oh, Jesus Christ.

Suzie: No, but do you know what I mean? Like, why wouldn't you want him to get one? If you're gonna have more fun, you can get off the pill if you want to get off the pill. Or the ring. Sorry.

Mel: It's a very good question. I've never, I've never thought about it. I've never thought about asking him ever.

Suzie: And he's never thought, obviously, like, if he doesn't have to do it, he doesn't have to.

Mel: He would do it if I said I asked him. I feel a bit like if he wanted to do it, then he can do it. But I. I don't know, maybe it's a bit old fashioned not wanting to take his manhood away from him. Stop.

Suzie: They're not doing that.

Mel: And also, you just don't know what's gonna happen in life. I don't know. What if he got married again? Want another baby?

Suzie: What, you can't let him have that?

Mel: No, I just. I've never thought about it. And I've obviously not had an issue with contraception. Yes, because it's always kind of worked for me, but I've never asked him.

Suzie: So. Amazing, your relationship is. It boggles my mind.

Mel: Really?

Suzie: No, I love it. Anyway, on that note, besides my darlings, so talk to your doctor, make sure you're getting all the information about that. And also, girls, if you're single, you're pringling.

Mel: You are.

Suzie: And be safe.

Mel: Yeah, but please don't freak out. We didn't really talk about that. Don't. I think people are freaking out about it.

Suzie: Which freak out? Which freak.

Mel: Oh, my God. The freaking out that they're single. Well, most women, we're not going to put you in this bucket that are single are freaking out that they're single. They're telling everyone they're having a fabulous time. They're actually ******* freaking out. And, yeah, their hormones are going.

Suzie: We're talking about hormones like, yeah, their ******* hormones are like, you're gonna, you're getting old.

Mel: Yeah, but also, you're in a specific situation where you were in a relationship and you're having some fun, which I think is absolutely the right thing to do. And I would tell anybody to do that. Don't jump in. Sometimes it doesn't work that way. But we're talking about women who've been single for a very long time are just not. Nothing's happening. Yeah. And they're saying, oh, yeah, everything's great, and I'm loving it. And they're really not, are they?

Suzie: No. A lot of women are actually ******* not liking it. And I'm assuming a lot of men aren't liking it, too, because men honestly love when people take care of them. And now that they are single, they're just kind of looking for whoever will kind of bite is my.

Mel: Whoever will bite. Very good.

Suzie: But, like, women are like, okay, I want someone to take care of me. But men also in my generation now, because we're talking about kind of single women in my generation, like, men, like, they don't want to take care of women anymore.

Mel: I know, I know. It's awful.

Suzie: And it's like, okay, but then, like.

Mel: What'S the point of you? Yeah, no, I don't. But they don't.

Suzie: They are having the baby, if we are having the babies, which we are still, unfortunately, they haven't figured out how you guys have the ******* babies. Please take that off of our hands.

Mel: That would be nice.

Suzie: Then, like, yeah, you kind of have to be. You have to try to be the breadwinner. I'd love a man to just ******* be like, I am going to be the breadwinner. I want you to relax like that.

Mel: I am my husband. No, but I. Yeah, but I think women have done it to men. Like, my generation of women have raised these boys saying, you know, and raise these girls saying, you're feminism, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all this sort of stuff. And then now these girls want to be trad wives.

Suzie: I'm just exhausted. Please, someone take care of me. I make a really good meal.

Mel: I bet you do, actually.

Suzie: Yeah. And I'm a really fun travel buddy.

Mel: You're a great. I can attest to that.

Suzie: So nice.

Mel: And you're a very nice house guest.

Suzie: Thanks, guys.

Mel: You're very clean and you're very respectful.

Suzie: I try to be. And I look really cute on dates.

Mel: You do?

Suzie: Like, so cute.

Mel: You do.

Suzie: So if anyone wants to, I mean.

Mel: I don't have nice. You been up? I'm sort of today. Yeah, you do.

Suzie: Friend dates.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So anyway, that's my little resume for.

Mel: And by the way, we don't want thousands of.

Suzie: I'd love to go through those, though. Not **** pics, but everything else.

Mel: Oh, God, I'm tangled in the mud. Anyway, right?

Suzie: We have to get the **** off.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: Thanks for listening, guys. If you guys have an opinion on birth control or if you're a single lady and you need some advice from Mel because she is the advice lady. Me, because I will tell you how it is.

Mel: You will? You'll tell us how it is right now?

Suzie: I will.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: We love you guys so much. Or you're a single man and you want to know how the single ladies need to be, you let us know at sharemytruthpod on the socials or sharemytruth.com. see you next time. Sharingmytruthpod is so excited to partner with vibr8tor.com, where the a in vibrator is the number eight. This is an extremely exclusive code where no other podcast has it. If you go to vibrator.com right now, use the code MS 15. That's MS 15 vibr8tor.com You can now get 15% off anything in store that's any sex toys for you, your partner, your neighbor, your mom. We don't judge. We don't care. Get it? Now go to the link in our bio, put in the code and get jiggy with it.

Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our website, sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time. Bye bye.

Suzie: Three, two, one. Yeah.