Suzie: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie, the uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do.

Suzie: 1234. Hello, everyone. Hello and welcome back to Sharing My Truth Pod. Here's a little reminder to give this a review, a five star for this podcast. That would be lovely. You know us, we love that. We love to hear from you. Share your truths with us. Mel ensues. And I'm here with my best friend, Mel.

Mel: Hey, babe. Hey, darling.

Suzie: How are you? Good. I'm very good.

Mel: Excellent. Yeah.

Suzie: Feeling good, feeling fresh, feeling a little tired. But you know when it's like a fulfilled tired and you're not just like, slogging along.

Mel: Yes, I do know what that is.

Suzie: So it feels good.

Mel: A productive tired.

Suzie: Yes, exactly. And I think that's nice because it's the end of the year coming up, and it just kind of feels like, yeah, I'm allowed to kind of revel in the tiredness and then be able to relax.

Mel: Yes. What do you feel? I completely agree with that. Good. You feel that too.

Suzie: You're just kind of still tired.

Mel: No, I'm all right, actually. But that is a nice thing. To me, the end of the year is just the fact that nobody will contact you for a few days.

Suzie: I'm absolutely sick of 2023. I don't know about you. I'm ******* sick of it.

Mel: It's not been fantastic. However, not on a personal level, has been fine. My worry is whenever you say goodbye to 2023 and think 2024 is suddenly going to be amazing, and I fear it could be a lot worse.

Suzie: Yeah, we all did that in 2020.

Mel: We did. Exactly.

Suzie: We really ******* did. And that ****** it up for everyone.

Mel: Absolutely.

Suzie: I do have a good feeling about 2024, and I might have just jinxed it right now.

Mel: Oh, on a personal level, you're talking. Yeah. Okay. No, you haven't jinxed it. Touch some wood.

Suzie: Touch some wood. Where's the wood, Mel? Give me your ****. That's actually pretty funny, Mel. I'm actually funny.

Mel: You are very funny.

Suzie: ****.

Mel: You are very funny. But that was very funny.

Suzie: Thank you, darling.

Mel: Appreciate it.

Suzie: I love when you love my jokes. Yeah, I like.

Mel: Good.

Suzie: I like that. Okay, Mel. Well, while we're getting into, you know, me and you have a pretty good relationship.

Mel: We do. Thankfully.

Suzie: This could be very toxic.

Mel: It could be weird, but it's not.

Suzie: Why isn't it weird, Val? Is that fun?

Mel: I think because we're not weird.

Suzie: I know that's true. We're both the same person in a different body, a different age, and that's exactly it. Different accent, basically.

Mel: Completely different people.

Suzie: But other than that, yeah, it's the same, but no.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So today we're going to be talking a little bit about bad relationship advice.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: The advice that you get from your mother in law on Christmas Eve when she's had a couple too many chardonnay. That's the advice that we're ******* talking about. When you open up to someone you think you're going to, you don't really ask for advice, and they give it to you unsolicitedly. Yes, that's the advice we're talking about.

Mel: And don't ever listen to it.

Suzie: God. You nod politely and then you walk away from that situation and then you don't do that advice.

Mel: Yeah. Because generally what happens is it goes somewhere in the recesses of your mind and you get into a situation you might think, I don't have any other thing to relate to, so I'm going to listen to that and then that's terrible.

Suzie: It's really bad.

Mel: So, yeah, beware.

Suzie: Please don't.

Mel: The holidays and weird situations. The holidays and drinking, eating too much. Yeah.

Suzie: And seriously, when people come up to you and they're like, so many, getting married, when you're having a baby, when are you having your sex job? I heard that was happening.

Mel: Your sex job, what the hell's that?

Suzie: When you transition or something. Oh, I see about that. How's the podcast going? And you're like, I don't want to talk about the podcast with you.

Mel: No, I just want to have a drink.

Suzie: I just want to have a drink.

Mel: Can you just **** off and leave me alone?

Suzie: Turn on Fox News and shut the **** up about. No, it's fine. Anyways. Yeah, so, Mel, do you want to start us off? Yes, because I think this is funny.

Mel: This is an age old one.

Suzie: Yeah. So let's say, you know, my relationship's going okay. Me and my boyfriend, we're just kind of. We're going to think it. Married.

Mel: I don't know.

Suzie: I don't know if I'd like him. Mel, what should I do?

Mel: Have a baby. It'll save your relationship, which is the worst possible thing anybody could ever do. Yeah. If you want to make it harder, have a baby. And I love my children, and I love my babies, but it is not for the faint of heart. So if you are not in a good place, take it from mama. Mel, do not have a baby. It's a terrible idea.

Suzie: Yeah, it does not save anything.

Mel: No, if anything, it'll **** it up even more. And then you've got a baby as well.

Suzie: Well, because then after the child, okay, you're obviously, unless you put this child up for adoption, which I don't think is probably the first choice, not a great idea. You are connected not only to this child for the next, literally your entire life. You're also connected to the person you've had this child with.

Mel: Yeah. And not only that, because I lived and breathed this, my parents test each other and my mother could forever see my father in me. You actually see the living incarnation of the person you ******* hate the most in the world in your child, the person you love the most in the world. And that is very weird. And in my mother's case, she told me about 40 billion times. So I was well aware of it. But that is often something that happens and people don't mean it. And they say things like, to you, like, oh, you do that. Your father, you're your father's child. All that sort of. You say that because that's what your father would say. Oh, I can see your father and you, your mother and you're horrible. So you will be connected. You really will. Even if you're, let's say one person runs for the hills and is not involved in the child's life, which you're.

Suzie: Still always going to be reminded of.

Mel: Because they're in that person's face. They're in their DNA, for God's sake. And even, you know what it's like when people say to you, oh, you've got your grandmothers or whoever's mannerism, somebody in your family you've never met, and you can sort of be like them. Like, one of my daughters is very much like my husband's grandmother and she's never met her, but she's very similar personality and does things in the same way. So cool. So that's the same kind of. So you're still connected in that way. So, yeah, this is a very long winded way of saying, do not have a ****** baby to save your relationship.

Suzie: No. And also, I mean, don't have a baby just for anyone else is, I guess what I'm trying to say. If your mother in law, your mother, your grandparents, I don't know, someone else is like, you guys should have a baby. It'd be so cute. And you're like, I don't think I want to have a baby. Like, listen to you.

Mel: Yeah, don't be pressured is what you're saying. And you shouldn't be pressured because it's wonderful but it's a huge commitment and you have to want to do it, and you'll never be ready. I'll just caveat that. That's another piece of advice, which has nothing to do with this. But if somebody says to you, only have a baby when you're ready, that's utter bullshit, because you're never ready. Have the baby when you want the baby, and if you're with the right person, or maybe you aren't with the person, but you're in a good place.

Suzie: Is what I'm in a good place.

Mel: Anyway, that's enough of that.

Suzie: All right, well, onto the next. Let's go down to this one. Stick it out. It will get better.

Mel: Probably won't.

Suzie: It will never get better.

Mel: No, it won't.

Suzie: There's hardships in relationships, and if you've been in a long enough relationship, you'll go through a hardship, most likely. And it doesn't just magically get better because you're hoping it will. Like, if something is fundamentally wrong, it won't get better. It's never going to change unless you.

Mel: Address it and you communicate, my favorite word, and you have a conversation about what's wrong and you try and actively do something about it, knowing that you're going from not a great place to the good place. Yeah, that's a bit different. I think you aren't doing anything about it. You know when people say to you, oh, everything's going to be all right, and that's just bullshit because that's not true, because it is not going to be all right.

Suzie: I mean, it is, you know what a part of that we are saying I agree with, like, if you want it to work, it can work. Of course, obviously both. There's two people in a relationship, you have to both want it to work. But also, I would say that every single person I've ever spoken to that's gone to couples therapy leaves, not together. And maybe some therapists are going to come after me for that because they're going to be like, you're ruining my job. Literally. I do not see the point in couples therapy because you're just kind of finally letting go of your problems, which maybe is a good thing, and you're finally speaking about them, which can give you closure, but I don't think it actually saves your relationship, unless obviously, things happen. But I just don't see the majority of that happening when you actually talk about real ****.

Mel: Yeah. No, I mean, it's very expensive as well. It's a long road, but I think there's two couples therapy. There are two sort of ways to look at it. That one. Yeah. If you can't figure it out, sometimes an outside view can really help, but there is the other way of looking at it. Oh, my God. If you've got to this point and you haven't figured it out. Yeah. Maybe you're not going to figure it out.

Suzie: No.

Mel: But sometimes it depends what the situation is. Sometimes you can actually just need somebody to show you what you're doing and go, oh, okay. I didn't realize that I was doing it quite that way. And the impact of my behavior. And it can help, but I know what you're saying, but it is also a long road and very expensive. It's too expensive. It's horrendously expensive.

Suzie: It's too expensive for the relationship to end.

Mel: Yeah, exactly. If you're married and you've got Jill, like, you're very invested, you're in a situation where you're not just have to be married, but you know what I mean. Yeah. You've been together a long time. You have children, you have a house, you have a business. I don't know. You've got serious **** going on and you really kind of need to sort this out.

Suzie: But then it's like, I feel like you should probably go to therapy on your own and then figure out if there is something that you actually are understanding more about yourself and why there's these problems in the relationship, possibly, and then talk to your partner about them instead of having to talk to them through a therapist. It just seems a little backward.

Mel: I think a lot of people, couples go to therapist thinking they're going to go, and this therapist is going to say, yeah, you see what I've been saying? Such a ********. They're actually going to say, yeah, and then the other partner thinks the same thing. Right. They both think you're going to go to the couple's therapy, and the therapist is going to say, yes, you're right, that person is behaving where in actual fact, that's not what happens. No, they go to couple therapy and they show you where you're both behaving badly, which is the problem, and then sometimes you can't resolve it. No, but I mean, also, people have.

Suzie: To want to change, to change 100%.

Mel: But that's like anything like relationships, giving up losing weight, giving up drinking, whatever it is, you've got to want to do it. I mean, you've got to be prepared for this not to be very comfortable.

Suzie: And often, I only want to be comfy. I want to be like in a snuggle bear all the time.

Mel: Yeah. I am the pillow princess. You are.

Suzie: That's what they call me.

Mel: You are. Excellent name for you.

Suzie: Thank you. I'll leave you with that one.

Mel: Yeah. Is it me next?

Suzie: Yes, you were.

Mel: What am I? If you care about the other person, you have to make sacrifices.

Suzie: Yeah, I know your thing on this and I agree with it. Not sacrifices, compromises.

Mel: Small ones.

Suzie: Small ones.

Mel: I fundamentally am a big believer that if you want certain things in a relationship, say for example, we've just been talking about children. You want children or you don't want children. It's really not a subject you can compromise on. If you don't want them, you really have to be with somebody who doesn't want them. If you want them, you have to be. And I know that's harsh, and in my case, I was lucky. We both wanted them. But you will cause a lot of unhappiness. And I've seen countless women be with men who really didn't want. I know it's the other way too. And I know situations that as well, where it's the woman who doesn't want children, the man thinks he can change her, but I've seen countless women thinking they can change the man, that, no, he's going to eventually want children, blah, blah, blah. Then they have a child, and then it's just an absolute ******* ball disaster. And the word, I don't really like the word sacrifice either, because I just think that has a horrible connotation. I think you have to compromise in the sense that, let's say tomorrow. What's tomorrow? Tomorrow's Thursday for the Friday night, right? You're going out for dinner and you really would like to have pizza. And your partner doesn't really like pizza, so you're going to like, okay, let's just go and have what we both like. Yeah. Really? Does it matter? Just do, you know, just do something for the bigger picture. I mean, even, let's say you're going to buy a house or you're going to buy a car. I mean, you could. Things like that. You could compromise. Like, you don't have to be pig headed about absolutely everything. You have to realize that you can't have every single thing that you want because you're with somebody else. So you got to come together and everyone's got to get a bit of everything they want. But that's not the same as big things like children or where you, let's say, for example, I'm british, my husband's Canadian. If we had a fundamental disagreement about where we lived, like, I desperately wanted to live in England, and he was like, no, I don't want to live in. That's a problem. Yeah, right. Or situations like working or your lifestyle, you got to basically want the same thing.

Suzie: Absolutely.

Mel: And the little compromises along the way are fine. I think you have to do that. You have to suck it up sometimes. Or like the good subject at the moment because everyone's doing things around the holidays, or even if you don't celebrate, you probably have things with work or you're seeing people, or it's just the idea of it being the end of the year kind of thing, and you're socializing. ****, I've totally lost. What the ****? What was I talking about?

Suzie: You were talking about people sacrificing and the family members and the holiday. I'm back. I got you.

Mel: No, let's say you don't like your in laws or not that you don't like them. You're just like, oh, God, I don't want to be doing that. I'd much rather be doing something like watching tv, having a nice glass of wine and being in my pajamas. But you've got to do stuff for your partner. If the partner wants to really see them, or it's for the greater good of cohesive peace, you got to do it right. Yes, you've got to do certain things. And I think that's what I'm talking about.

Suzie: Compromise.

Mel: Sacrifice is different. I don't like the word and I don't think you should do that. I think you have to still be you in this relationship. Yeah.

Suzie: I think the only time that you would have to sacrifice something is like when you actually have children. Would you agree with that?

Mel: Yeah, I mean, when you have kids, and this is for another pod, but you have to understand you're not number one anymore. Yeah, you have to get that. If that's fundamentally not where your head is, don't have children because it's a lot of work and particularly for women. I'm sorry, but there is a reality. They come out of you. I'm in a relationship where we've both always worked, but there's a reality that you're the woman, you have the child. You are going to have to make more physical sacrifices. Definitely. Probably more time sacrifices and probably career sacrifices for sure. I mean, it's just a reality. Some people manage to money sacrifices 100%. I mean, God, I'd be a billionaire. No, they're ****** expensive.

Suzie: Yeah, they ******* are.

Mel: And you put your kids before. I always put my kids first. Always. What they want, want, they need. And what I want is at the end.

Suzie: That's amazing. I could never do that. Okay. La la la. Your standards are too high.

Mel: What does that mean?

Suzie: Okay, so this is an interesting one, right? Because this is someone's advice that they've given someone.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Your standards are being too high.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: So obviously, because I think we're dealing with this a lot right now, sometimes people have ridiculous standards, but not standards. They're more like expectations.

Mel: Yeah, I think that's a better word, expectation. Right.

Suzie: Like, standards are different. Standards are like the basics of how you want to be treated. I think expectations are like, he has to go buy me dinner every week. He has to do all these things, whatever it is, and it's like, yeah, you're not going to. Maybe you will find someone like that, but I think it's very unlikely. What do you think, Mel?

Mel: No, I totally agree. Actually, somebody said that to me earlier today. Their son, who's like 19, had said to his mum that girls scare the **** out of him because they've got like, this is. He's a really bright kid. He's like doing really well at university. He's going to, money wise, professional wise, do incredibly well and really sociable kid, good looking boy. And he said, girls that just terrify me of women of my age, because they want so much from me. And he's a nice kid. What he means is like, they want me to take her out to buy her stuff, to do all this stuff. He's a 19 year old in university, hasn't got much money. And I do see that a lot. And it's strange. I see that a lot in women of all ages, their expectations. And of course, it's nice when a man takes you out for dinner, that sort of traditional idea, whatever we think it is nice. But I mean, I see women, they want so much from men. They sort of are with a man for a week and they expect the man to be like, funding everything, buying their vacations, buying them a car, paying their rent. You're like.

Suzie: And they're not even going to believe them. A blow job.

Mel: Well, exactly. But hang on, hold your horses. You have to kind of get there. So I would agree that that happens a lot in terms of high standards. The other way around, men for women, I think obviously it happens a lot with younger men, that they have this sort of idea of this incredibly beautiful woman. And I'm trying to think of some sort of. What's a contemporaneous person, Susie? Of a millennial.

Suzie: A hot woman.

Mel: I don't want to say Taylor Swift because, hey, I don't think she's. I don't think she's boy hot.

Suzie: I think she's girl hot, if that makes sense. No, what does that like, girls will find other girls pretty, but boys will find other separate girls pretty, if that makes sense. Like Megan Fox is. She used to be. I don't really think she's a Hollywood.

Mel: But, like, too much.

Suzie: Yeah, but before she was definitely, like, boy pretty.

Mel: Does that make sense?

Suzie: And Taylor Swift is a girl pretty?

Mel: Yes, I can.

Suzie: That sounds so ******* stupid, but that is, like, how it is. That's exactly right for a really. I don't know. I don't know what guys think girls are attractive right now, to be honest.

Mel: I'm trying to think of somebody who's. Who's sort of young millennially. God, why can't we think of anyone?

Suzie: I don't know. I think Jennifer Lawrence is hot, but.

Mel: Sure, she's a millennial. Yeah, she is. I can see her. We're really going off topic now, but she is very attractive to men because, a. She's physically attractive, but she's got that great kind of personality.

Suzie: Personality, I know.

Mel: And you could see her, like, kind of getting dressed up for dinner, but also going to a football game kind of.

Suzie: The girl next door kind of girl.

Mel: Yeah. FYi, I'm totally not that girl, and I fail miserably. But I've tried to rectify that with my children. I just like to say that. But what the **** was the question?

Suzie: What are we talking about? Hot millennial girls versus. Anyways, expectations. Thank you. We are off the rails today.

Mel: But, yes, I think people have very high expectations. And you get girl women having these expectations. You're like, who do you think you are? And men having the same. Have you looked in the mirror?

Suzie: No. Exactly. Where are you getting these standards from? Obviously, social media is ****** because we're all putting filters on our ******* faces, and it's making us unbearable people.

Mel: It is.

Suzie: It really is. And so, yeah, I mean, that's obviously part of the problem, and we kind of have to get over that and be more. I don't want to say, like, realistic, but. Realistic?

Mel: Well, yeah, not thinking you're going to live in a $25 million mansion, you probably won't do well.

Suzie: People also don't want to work anymore.

Mel: Yeah, that's a big problem.

Suzie: Like, I hate to say it. But Gen Z, what the **** is going on? And also millennials, like, as a millennial, I can say that Covid did not help with this, but people do not want to work anymore and they expect the same things.

Mel: Oh, I know. I mean, all you have to do in this city, or any major city in the world is go to a mall in the middle of the week on a Thursday at 11:00 and it's packed, and you're like, where the **** are all these people come from? Yes. A, have they got. If they're not at work, have they got the money to be shopping? Why are they here? And you could go the next day and you could say, why am I there?

Suzie: Yeah, but I'm not a millennial. But I mean, you're like, how are you all here? How are you always shopping?

Mel: Yeah, sometimes I see the packages. You see people, like, the endlessly ordering ****. And you're like, but who's going to pay? Or, like, Uber? Uber is the same thing. Uber eats Uber. I always have this conversation with my children about endless ****** up. You calculate that know, disgusting five times, four times, and. Yeah, that is a generational thing for sure.

Suzie: Well, yeah, but convenience is a generational thing.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Oh, my lordy ******* God. Mel, will you take it away? When you're ready, Ireland.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: Can I just say. And no one can see it right now, but Mel, phone so far from her face right now.

Mel: Yeah, because I'm getting old, Susie. I've got to. Sorry.

Suzie: That was just so funny.

Mel: I've got my contact lenses. I know, but they're not bifocals. This is the gen x moment.

Suzie: I should have taken.

Mel: You should see me when I watch tv at night.

Suzie: I have three pairs of glasses on.

Mel: My head to see the tv.

Suzie: It's really funny. Anyway, go ahead, love. Sorry.

Mel: You see, you're the one who takes me off track. Okay. The sex on the first date leads to love.

Suzie: She's taking a picture. Okay. Sex on the first date leads to love. Yes and no.

Mel: Exactly. Just depends.

Suzie: It really depends. I understand why people say that this is bad advice because you don't want to just give it away, as they say. No, but it could be that term.

Mel: It could happen because you could be in a sexy situation.

Suzie: And I've had sex on many first dates. Let me just tell you what.

Mel: If you meet on your husband on tinder, you've probably had sex on.

Suzie: I mean, also, just like, I think you should taste the meat before you buy it.

Mel: Taste the. Wow. But you could do it after the third shop. You don't have to do it in the first shop, do you?

Suzie: Yeah, you don't have to do it in the first shop, but you better try it before you buy it, I'll tell you that. For ****'* sakes. Like, what if to the third date I have **** him and it's the worst, and then I'm like, I went on three dates with this guy.

Mel: True. You've wasted all that time. All that time.

Suzie: It could have been like a 4 hours each date or something. I don't know if I could even do that. But you know what I mean?

Mel: You're never getting that time back.

Suzie: You're never getting that time back. And then you just had bad sex, and that's the worst of all.

Mel: Yeah, I mean, those are all very good points.

Suzie: So anyway, I'm an advocate of having sex on the first date.

Mel: Tibia, I think it just depends on how it goes and what the situation is and blah, blah, blah. Just depends, doesn't it?

Suzie: No, it really ******* depends.

Mel: And I think it's just stupid advice to say don't do it or do it. It just depends.

Suzie: Like, what if this guy in the mood cries during sex? What if he cries? What if he cries after sex and you're like, are you okay? And he's like, I always do this. And you're like, I think you run.

Mel: For the hills, right?

Suzie: But then you've gone on three dates with this guy and now you're scared for your life because he knows where you live.

Mel: Yeah. Well, that's another whole thing, isn't it?

Suzie: That's why you.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: Okay, wait, this is off topic.

Mel: Yes.

Suzie: Where would you have sex on a first date if you didn't want them to know where you live but you didn't want to go to their place. Do you know what I mean? Because it's scary.

Mel: I don't know. Never thought about it.

Suzie: Yeah, because Mel's never had sex on the first date because she's.

Mel: That's not true. But I haven't been with my husband. He was like being cool and playing.

Suzie: He was being super ******* cool.

Mel: He thought he was very cool. But anyway, I always say to him, it doesn't really matter. It's a bit too late. But I don't know. That's a good point. I don't know.

Suzie: I've always.

Mel: Where would you go?

Suzie: For the most part, gone to the guy's house.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: To have sex on the first date personally.

Mel: Why is that?

Suzie: I think it's because you can kind of get a really good vibe. And I'm not saying you're going to not get into some Jeffrey Dahmer situation, but I don't like. There's just like this. I don't know. You better get a ****. You have a vibe before you even get. Then, you know, you kind of just like. You can share your location. Nowadays you can share your location with your best friend. I would never bring a guy back to my place first. I do not want that person to know where I live. You know what I mean? It's possible you don't want them to know where you live.

Mel: I do understand that. Yeah. I mean, the reality is it's more dangerous one way than the other way. Probably more likely. Unless you're share your location.

Suzie: Just tell your girlfriends where you are. Your best friend, a parent. I don't know, someone you trust.

Mel: Yeah, I mean, you could be a bunny boiling woman and you could do something weird, but generally it's the other way. But anyway, that's got nothing to do with. No, it doesn't.

Suzie: But I just wanted to ask you that in case you had an opinion about that.

Mel: Okay. Thank you.

Suzie: I don't know where you are. Okay, it's my turn or yours.

Mel: I don't know.

Suzie: Who cares? Okay. I think it's fine. Never tell him your number. Always let him think your number is three.

Mel: Are we talking body count here?

Suzie: Body count? How stupid.

Mel: Conversation is so annoying.

Suzie: I know, we've had it too much. I'm also tired of it coming up.

Mel: I mean, look, if you're having a conversation about how many partners you've had and you have to lie, what are you doing with that person?

Suzie: Great ******* point.

Mel: If that person **** shames you or what is it for a man? You **** shame a man? What's that called?

Suzie: It doesn't exist, babe. Because men are celebrated for being *****.

Mel: That's true. Then you're just with the wrong person. I mean, you really are. And they're never going to. If they fundamentally, if it's a man and they. To have a conversation about how many partners you've had, and you say 105 and he's had 15 and you say 100 and he goes.

Suzie: And you're like, yeah, I'm really good at sex.

Mel: What are you? Well, yeah, but if he's shocked and he carries on being shocked, stroke a little bit disgusted. It's not getting better.

Suzie: No, it's not.

Mel: Go.

Suzie: Get out.

Mel: Go, leave. Because there's another 105 men out there.

Suzie: Do a jojo.

Mel: Okay. What?

Suzie: Get out right now. It's the end of you and me.

Mel: I don't know what you're talking about. That song.

Suzie: No, that's a millennial thing.

Mel: Look at it.

Suzie: No idea.

Mel: But, yeah. Go.

Suzie: So jojo that **** and get the **** out.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzie: Thank you.

Mel: There we go.

Suzie: Mel, take it away.

Mel: Play hard to get.

Suzie: That's it. That's it. Play hard to get. That's bad advice. What do you think? Is it?

Mel: Good point. I think it's backfired on me.

Suzie: You've tried to play hard to get and it's backfired? Is that what you mean?

Mel: Well, it's sort of backfired and then it sort of unbackfired. But it can definitely backfire. I think it just kind of depends what you mean by play hard to get.

Suzie: I think the opposite is be easy.

Mel: Oh, yeah.

Suzie: And that's bad too, I think.

Mel: Just be normal.

Suzie: Just be normal.

Mel: I mean, if you want to have, like, you go on the date and you do want to see them, then see them. Right.

Suzie: I think. Just don't put all your little eggs in one basket. I've said this before.

Mel: No, for sure. Especially early on.

Suzie: I think just like, don't be always available. Don't be available at the drop of a hat.

Mel: Sure. Early on. I think you have to manage your time a little bit. It's a bit like, well, we've both been in sales jobs. You have to kind of not jump on things. You have to make the person you're selling something to think that they're getting a good deal or that you're not trying to offload this thing on them. Right. Yeah. So it's the same kind of thing. Yeah, I guess you have to pay a little bit hard to get.

Suzie: I'm all for playing hard to get.

Mel: I know some women. I can think of one woman I know who. It's not a friend. I just know her. She's like. She goes on a date and immediately she sort of texts the person, like, multiple times. She tells her the person her whole life story. She's always available, and hence she is single.

Suzie: See, like, there's proof in the pudding.

Mel: Yeah, no, definitely. I definitely think you have to play a little bit hard to get.

Suzie: I would agree. And, yeah, I think it's way better to play to be harder to get than easy. Yeah, I think it's way better. It's way better for your sanity because you're not putting all of your energy and time and hope into this one person. And you can kind of give it some thought while you're kind of leaving them hanging a little bit, they're going to be more interested in you. You're going to be kind of a little sexy.

Mel: Far.

Suzie: No, of course. Don't try to ghost them and then come back and then ghost them. That's weird. But yeah. There's no problem with being unavailable.

Mel: A little bit unavailable. Yeah.

Suzie: Well, if that's maybe a little more. It depends what you're there for.

Mel: It does.

Suzie: But I guess we're talking about relationships.

Mel: We are, right?

Suzie: Yeah, I guess a little more.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: What if we do one more?

Mel: Yeah, go on then. Okay.

Suzie: This might be an interesting one.

Mel: Oh, yeah.

Suzie: For you?

Mel: For me and for me.

Suzie: Okay. If you love each other, that is enough.

Mel: No, it's not.

Suzie: No, it's not.

Mel: No. I mean, it's very important, but it isn't enough. Life is tough and it is not enough. If you want to go the distance, you've got to be a little bit realistic and a little bit practical in the person that you're with. If you, let's say, want a certain lifestyle or want to live in a certain way, and I'm not talking about anybody funding you or whatever, I'm just saying you have to be a bit realistic. You can't live on love. That's very.

Suzie: You can't live on love.

Mel: You can't. Won't pay the rentes. It won't pay the rent. The rent doesn't know. It's not enough. It really isn't enough. And it's not that it will run out. I can testify to that. It doesn't run out. But there's got to be more. You've got to fundamentally really like each other's company and you've got to fundamentally want to work as a teen to get where you're going. Because it's not easy.

Suzie: No, I'd agree with that. I think love goes only so far.

Mel: It does and it changes. Right. Because the way you are at the beginning of the relationship, further down the road, and then as you go down a relationship and not carry on with life, whatever you're doing, having children, getting married, not doing that, whatever you're doing, there are obstacles. Things happen. Horrible things happen, I'm afraid. And they will generally happen to everyone. Something hard will happen. And that's when you're tested. And love is not enough for that. Right. You need to be there for your partner. So it's more than love. Yeah, but love obviously is very important. I don't think you can go the distance in a relationship, if you don't love each other.

Suzie: Yeah. There just has to be, like, with everything, there has to be a balance.

Mel: Exactly.

Suzie: Of love. But also real life questions, 100%.

Mel: Because we all sort of watch tv shows and movies and whatever and have this sort of fantasy. And I think a lot of women do, of whatever age have a sort of fantasy of the way it should be the person sweeping them off their feet. And that may happen initially, but that's not going to sustain you. No, because the reality is. Well, I'm afraid the reality is that I keep saying this, but life is tough. Yeah.

Suzie: And love, you can fall out of love and then what happens? Then you're literally left with maybe nothing. Which is really a tough thing for a lot of people because they don't see things coming like that. Because they think love is enough.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: And that's why people don't get prenups and all these other things, because they're just like, well, we're going to be together forever. It's like, maybe not, but that sounds a little sad.

Mel: That is sad. So I've got a question for you. Oh, God. So what is the best and worst relationship advice you've ever had?

Suzie: The best and the worst. The best, I think, that I've gotten, and I'm not married yet, but I think the best I've gotten was to marry your best friend. I think that's really good advice. Obviously, I'm not married yet, but I think it brings you to the right spot to meet the right person. Instead of just thinking about meeting them for money or meeting or being with them for any other reason, you actually are trying to find and look for someone who you're actually connected with on a friendship level and not just another level. The worst. I don't know. I've gotten some pretty bad advice, honestly. We went through most of it on this list of, like, the baby and all of this other bullshit, and you're like, yeah, I don't think you should listen to anyone who's kind of had no idea about your experience. What is your best and worst? Or do you have just one question?

Mel: I think my best piece of advice, I've had a couple of really good pieces of advice before getting married, not getting married, but I think that one was that love is not enough.

Suzie: That's the best advice.

Mel: Yeah. I mean, you've got to be friends, and you've got to also find somebody who shares the same values. I e. Love is not enough. Yeah. And I think that's very good advice. And when I got married, or just before I got married to Max at my engagement party, his great aunt. His old great aunt, of course she's old. She was very old at the time. She came up to me and she told me, she said, I've got my piece of advice. I said, great. Okay. And she actually said the reverse of what everyone else has said. Don't have a baby straight away. Get married, live your life as a couple. Enjoy each other. Enjoy your lives for, say, three years. Have some time together, know who you are without children, and then have children. I thought that was very good advice. Yeah, I thought it was excellent advice because a lot of people obviously have children very quickly, often because there's an accident that's happened and it can cause problems down the line because you never actually live as a couple knowing each other without children. As much as you love children, they take up a lot of time. Right. So it's hard to know who you are as a couple. So what was that? So what was that? Oh, worst advice. That's a good question, I think. Yeah. What was the worst?

Suzie: The worst advice is hard because a lot of it is you get a lot of bad advice in your life. You know what I mean?

Mel: You do get a lot of advice. And I think on that note, I'm trying to think of the worst advice, but I often, when I take advice, I generally don't take advice, actually.

Suzie: I generally listen to people gently nod.

Mel: Yeah. But I like to listen to different people, even if I don't agree with them. And then you can formulate your own opinion.

Suzie: I love that.

Mel: That's the best thing about advice, is listen to people. Like, I give you some advice sometimes, definitely don't listen. Exactly. Don't listen, but maybe take it and then listen to yourself, listen to somebody else, and then you'll get what's right for you. But I don't think you should absolutely listen to one other human being who isn't you, who doesn't know exactly what's going on in your head. Yeah. So that's not really answering my own question. But that's something, isn't it?

Suzie: It's something. I'll tell you that anyway, on that.

Mel: I'm now exhausted.

Suzie: No, that's good. But you feel good exhausted, right? I do.

Mel: I feel productive.

Suzie: Productive. Well, if you guys have good or bad relationship advice that you've gotten recently or back in the day that you just can't forget, you can't shake it off, let us know. Okay. You can email us. Excuse me. You can dm us on our instagrams at sharingmytoothpod. You can go to our website sharingmytooth.com, leave us a little voicemail. You can do whatever you want. Just tell us what you think.

Mel: Absolutely. More.

Suzie: Share.

Mel: Share. That's it.

Suzie: That's it.

Mel: Until next time.

Suzie: And that's it for us. We love you sharing. My truth pod is so excited to partner with vibrator.com where the a in vibrator is the number eight. This is an extremely exclusive code where no other podcast has it. If you go to vibrator.com right now, use the code MS 15. That's MS 15 at vibrator.com. You can now get 15% off anything in store that's any sex toys for you, your partner, your neighbor, your mom. We don't judge. We don't care. Get it? Now go to the link in our bio, put in the code and get jiggy with it.

Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our sharingmytruth.com, to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time.

Suzie: Bye bye. Three, two, one. Yeah, don't get on.