Speaker A: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie. The uncensored version where we bear it all.

Speaker B: We do 1234.

Speaker A: Hello, guys, and welcome back to sharing my truth pod. You're here, and we're here. And it's pretty cool. I know. And we have a really exciting interview for you guys. And before that, we guys, if you guys want more of this amazing content and podcasting, you guys can follow us here on wherever you're listening this subscribing and going on our socials, Instagram, sharingmytruthpod, TikTok, and going on our website, sharingmytruth.com. and you can actually leave us a voicemail, you can send us feedback, you can do whatever you want. We will listen to you.

Speaker B: And YouTube.

Speaker A: Nasty it is. And YouTube. Go watch us there.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: You want to see what we look like?

Speaker C: Nasty.

Speaker A: Yeah. Hey, babes.

Speaker B: Darling.

Speaker A: Hi, darling. How are you?

Speaker B: I'm, as always, fabulous. Yeah, we'll be here just fine.

Speaker A: We just had this fabulous little interview we did.

Speaker B: It was very interesting.

Speaker A: She's so amazing. Her name is Kiana Reeves, not to be mistaken with Keanu, our canadian hunk. But no, she is so cool. She is a somatic sex educator. She's also a doula. She does courses, workshops, all these other things. And she also obviously does, like, one on ones with people. But we were able to just ask her all these awesome questions. I had a bunch of questions about, obviously the sexy part of it. Mel had a couple questions about the relationship part, but she gave great answers for everything. Like unexpected answers, which these people are. They talk about a lot of the same stuff. And we talk to a lot of incredible sex educators. We're always expecting the same answers. But she was just. I think she gave some really amazing insight.

Speaker B: Yeah, I think she did. And I think she talks about sex not just for the sake of sex, like, she's talking about sex as a whole part of your life and whole part of desire and a whole part of the connection of who you are, which I. I think is true, that sex is kind of a part of you and what you do. It's not everything one thing or none. None of them sort of things. And I think she talked about that, the connection, and I think that makes. That made a lot of sense to me.

Speaker A: Yeah. And she's the kind of person who can have multiple, multiple, multiple orgasms, which is. I mean. I mean, Mel, I know you're extremely familiar with multiple orgasms because you're a saucy little minx, but for someone like myself, who's just kind of, you know, feeling themselves and getting used to their bodies and figuring out different partners. It's a journey.

Speaker C: Right.

Speaker A: And we're all having this journey, for sure. But she has amazing insight, especially with, like, you know, the g spot and clitoral stimulation and all these things and really just feeling more into yourself than the outside world kind of stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Love what she had to say. I'm absolutely gonna take some of her little pieces of advice that you guys will listen to to the bedroom, and we'll talk about it later.

Speaker B: Yeah. And I would say not to give anything away, but I think one of the most interesting things she said is that you need to take responsibility for your own, like, sexual needs, much like you need to take responsibility for your own happiness, your own fulfillment, whatever that is. And I think sex is part of that, and that you can't put that on somebody else. And I thought that was kind of a really. I've never really heard anybody say that in those terms. Yeah. And that makes a lot of sense to me while communicating that with your partner, but not, like, putting that on somebody else, which then develops into cheating and blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: I thought that was a really interesting kind of perspective.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker A: Be able to, you know, have. Make sure you can make yourself happy first.

Speaker B: Yeah. And own. Own it. Own who you are.

Speaker A: ****, yeah.

Speaker B: What you need?

Speaker A: Well, girlfriends and boyfriends and who's whose.

Speaker B: Who's whose.

Speaker A: You guys can find her. Her Instagram is Kiana Reeves. That's k I a n a. Reeves. Like, Kiana Reeves on Instagram. And you guys can go follow her there. She has some really awesome content about, like, you know, talking more about sexual pleasure and all these tips and tricks and things like that for yourselves and your partners. And we can't wait for you guys to hear this and hear your feedback on it.

Speaker B: Yes, we do. And I think you'll really enjoy it.

Speaker A: Enjoy.

Speaker B: Next one.

Speaker A: All right. Thank you so much for joining us. Kiana. Kiana Reeves. I have to ask, is that your real name?

Speaker C: It is.

Speaker A: It is.

Speaker C: I was born before he was famous, so I love that. Yeah.

Speaker A: I'm obsessed. The real Keanu Reeves, obviously. Thank you so much for coming on our pod. Our audience is obviously so excited to really hear what you have to say. I'm so excited about what you have to say. I already have spoken to Mel about everything that I want to know about lady bits and all the rest of it, so. Yeah, thank you so much.

Speaker C: Yeah, I'm thrilled to be here. Can't wait to dive in. My favorite, favorite conversations to have.

Speaker A: Awesome. Well, we just really want to start our little conversation just having you really introduce yourself to our audience, who you are, what you do, and what do you like to do?

Speaker C: Ooh. Okay. Well, I'm Kiana Reeves, as you now know, no relation to the other guy, but I'm a somatic sex educator, and I teach embodiment and intimacy and sexual polarity and basically the full scope of, like, how to have great sex to what real intimacy feels like, and helping people work with loving. Loving. Well, and receiving love in a way that is deeply healing and important.

Speaker A: Oh, I love that. I love that you brought up receive it. That is crazy that you kind of said that. And I didn't even. I didn't even receive that information. Like, what do you mean completely about the receiving part?

Speaker C: Well, there's so many ways to think about receiving, but really, like, to me, receiving love is being able to take it in with your full heart and your full body. So for some people, it's really easy to receive love. Like love, like cute love. But to receive the fullness of love, the depth of love, to receive intensity of sexual love, all of that, that's the stuff that I mean when I talk about receiving. Wow. Yeah.

Speaker B: No, I mean, it sort of leads into our second question is, like, do you work mostly with men or women? And do you find when talking about receiving, is that a sort of universal cross all genders, or is that, you know, more an issue for women? I can. From my point of view, from my age, I can see it being a big issue for a lot of women. I know a lot of women with that issue, receiving love. I'm just curious as to, you know, do you work with men and women and where do you find those issues?

Speaker C: Yeah, so I work primarily with women and then with couples, but I do work with men. And I think the receiving. Everyone has a unique relationship with receiving. Right. It might be really easy for some people to receive physical love and physical attention, but it might be really hard for them to receive actual deep emotional intimacy. Or the reverse might be very easy for people to be in deep, reciprocal, intimate love or very challenging for them to receive physical intimacy. So I think it's unique. In general, though, I would say that the commonality is that women have a harder time receiving physical intimacy, pleasure from their partners without getting in their heads. But that can happen for men, too. A lot of men have a hard time, especially around oral sex. That can be one that's pretty common for people.

Speaker A: What do you mean by that? What? Oral sex as in men and women oral sex or just male oral sex?

Speaker C: Yeah, for a lot of women, what I hear is, like, with oral sex, I'll get in my head and I think that I'm taking too long or that, you know, my partner is not enjoying it, or we try to make it enjoyable for our partners, right. Because we think it's like a task or something that, like, we're supposed to get off. And if it takes too long, then we have to help it along by making them feel good. And it takes us out of our experience, like, the second we start doing that. So that can be one. Men also can have a big challenge. Receiving oral sex is not commonly talked about, but there's a lot of pressure on men to stay hard. And if they don't stay hard during that experience, they might try to rush it along or move you into a different direction. So receiving in general attention on your genitals, with a face, with a mouth, I think, can be challenging for people.

Speaker A: I had a big thing about that. I used to really not like receiving oral. And I also think a part of that was, like, I wasn't receiving the right oral. Like, guys, just for a really long time, just did not know what to do down there. And I was just like, am I supposed to enjoy being. Enjoying this? And I think that was a really hard thing for me. Thankfully, that's not a huge issue for me.

Speaker B: Now.

Speaker C: We're not taught, though, like, you were receiving, but we're not taught that receiving is an active process, that we're, like, actually receiving isn't just passive. Like, we're responsible for responding and saying, like, ooh, like, that kind of feels good. But, you know, could you slow down a little bit? Or, you know, can you. Can you hold my belly or, like, stroke my thighs while you do that? That would feel really good. Or can you move your fingers a little bit to the left? Like, really not given practice at that. And so we end up being in situations where we're kind of, like, instead of receiving, we are enduring, and that is not the same thing.

Speaker B: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, actually. Susie and I have talked about this. I think it's also about the experiences. Like, who are you with? And that experience leads you down a path which leads you down a thought process, which. And it's sort of a never ending, sometimes hole for people, and it can get progressively worse. Whereas they team with the right person and the right experience not necessarily love just the right experience. It would have got them outside of their head, got them thinking in about and on it goes. And I think that I see that with many people happening a lot. And I think also, to go to your point is about sex being a performance. So many people think of it like, okay, am I? You see it in the movies. That was great. You know, when people say those kind of words and you're like, was I good? Or what the hell does that mean? But it's all part of the same thing, isn't it?

Speaker C: Yeah. And for sure, sex stops being great the moment you're in your head and the moment you're performing. You might think it's great in your mind, but you're actually not in the experience. And, you know, great sex means you are attuned and embodied in your own experience. So you're. You're feeling your pleasure, like, really able to stay with sensation in your body, but you're also have a level of awareness and attunement to your partner. So you're able to. To find attunement. You're tracking yourself, you're in your experience, but you're also tracking your partner. And a lot of times, what will happen is people will go all the way into their own experience. Like, I've had this experience wherever I, um, my partner drops, not my current partner, so I'm not talking about you, Chris, if you're listening to this. But you know where a partner will drop so far into their own experience of pleasure that they've, like, completely detached from me. Right. And that's one scenario that I think is very common for women, is that their partner starts to go into this, like, feeling. So, you know, they're. They're feeling so good, but they're, like, not even feeling me. Right. That's right. Where you're like, excuse me, like, what is going on? The second is that you feel someone so in their head. Right. And it can be very hard to drop out of your head and not only be in your own sensation, but to not be in your head while you're trying to please another person. To be thinking about, like, do they like this? Or, you know, is she enjoying this? Or, you know, whatever it is that's, like, kind of happening. But I will tell you, your partner can always tell when you're in your head. Always, whether they're telling you or not. Men and women, non gender. Like, this is not gender specific. You will always feel kind of a lack or a drop in the quality of the connection when someone's in a thought loop. And so as much as you can go into breath, take a breath, feel your body, feel your partner connect with your heart. That is where the good stuff happens. And it. It's a practice of continually. It's almost like a meditation of continually coming back to breath, continually coming back to heart attunement and body attunement and just letting go of the thoughts. Letting go of thoughts. Yeah.

Speaker B: Yeah. I think letting go of the thoughts for women in particular is very difficult. And the older you get and the more stuff and you have kids and so on, and you're just, like, thinking, oh, I'll do this now, but I got to do the washing, and I got to do this. Yeah, I got to do that. And it's very hard, and lots of women fall down that track.

Speaker A: I think we've, like, we've talked about this a lot because, like, I am typically, like, I hate morning sex because I literally too much on my mind. And I think a lot of women are very similar in that, where it's just like, how could you want to **** right now? Like, I have literally too many things going on from, like, 07:00 a.m. to, like, 10:00 a.m. of all the things that need to get done before the day even really begins. Right. So. And, like, Ben could just do it if a fire was burning their house. Like, there is just so.

Speaker B: I always say that about my husband. I literally. The house could be burning down. He could be, like, **** everywhere, you know, underwear hanging from the ceiling. He wouldn't care. He's ready. I literally. Everything has to be. All my mind has to be clear, you know, I can't cope with it. So what's, you know.

Speaker A: Yeah. What's the best thing to get out of your head as a woman? Like, how do you get out of your own way and calm?

Speaker C: This is a great question because I'm, like, I feel in my life now more like how you're describing your partners, right? Like, I can do it when the dishes are dirty or when the, like, I love morning sex, even when there's, like, something to do. But that's taken me years to get to. And it is a process of being able to move from your mind into your heart and into a feeling state. So when we're. When our. All of our attention and our awareness is on all the things that have to be done, this kind of, like, laundry list of responsibilities, you are focusing on, like, the structure of the day, the flow of the day, the, like, organization. And that is not a sexy place to be. And so being able to train your body to. To kind of assess and go, all right, do I actually have you make this conscious decision? Right? Like, do I actually have, what, 30, 2030 minutes where I can set everything aside and be present with my partner? Like, that's step one. To consciously decide to set it down and then share with your partner, too, so that they can help you hold that. Say, okay, like, we have 20 minutes to have, like, the sexiest time absolutely possible. Can we set a timer so I won't be thinking about it? You know, make the requests you need so you give structure around the experience and that you're not worried. Like, the anticipation isn't, like, running alongside of it. So that would be one. And then once you kind of have the structure for it to be able to tune from that list into, again, sensation. And it's like, I'll say sensation probably 10,000 times in this. This conversation, because it is actually where pleasure happens. It is where connection happens. It is where presence happens. All of it happens in the body. So finding something between the two of you that feels pleasurable is a really great place to start. Even if that's just like kissing or looking in each other's eyes or finding a place where pleasure becomes more important and more interesting, then your to do list. And then just following that thread little by little, like, maybe you don't even have sex. You know, maybe you just lay there naked and, like, breathe and roll around and, like, dry hump and, you know, touch each other a little bit and your partner, like, plays with your *******. Like, whatever it is. It's like a sexy 20 minutes moment where nothing has to happen. There's no goal other than to feel good together and that. That make sex then not become this thing that's like a goal oriented thing we have to get done where there's this, like, no end in sight. Everyone has to orgasm. It becomes like a playground that we actually enjoy that is not full of pressure. And I talk about it with my partner a lot, actually. We kind of. We discuss this because we have, like, a difference in libidoes. We'll fluctuate. We don't always match up. And even around orgasm, you know, we were talking about how, like, when you get a massage, you're not trying to orgasm in your massage. There is no goal in massage. And yet massage is still one of the, like, the best things of all time to me, at least. I'm like screaming massage for like, 3 hours. You know, what? If we looked at sex like that, that the most pleasure available to both of us for a certain amount of time doesn't have to mean any goals happen. Then it becomes exciting. Then it becomes something we want.

Speaker B: You know, I think you're absolutely right. I think that's absolutely true, is that it doesn't have to end anything. It just can be a nice time. But I think it's very difficult. It's very rare that two people can kind of understand that about each other because we're not programmed to think that.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker B: We're programmed to think, well, where's this going? And then if it's not going anywhere, am I doing something wrong? Or, you know, however long you've been together in a relationship. And I think it takes, you know, it takes quite a lot to get to that point. And I think most people don't get to that point.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker B: You understand?

Speaker C: Yeah. You have to discuss it. Like, it does have to be a conversation. Otherwise what we'll get stuck in is, like, the cultural patterns. Right. Which is like, you're turned on. I'll be getting turned on. One of us will orgasm or both of us will orgasm. And then we, like, you know, thank you. Do this. See you next time.

Speaker B: Right, right. Yeah, yeah. Well, I say this all the time. I say it. I said it. Sometimes communicate. It's not that difficult. Just talk to this person. You're sleeping with them. Talk to them. This is very difficult.

Speaker C: Isn't it hard?

Speaker A: Like, couples are obviously coming to you. So is that the main issue that they're coming to you with is that their libidos are kind of, like, off with each other and they aren't having sex at all, or they just aren't able to make each other cun. Like, what is. What are, like, the main issues when couples coming to you?

Speaker C: That's one of them. But I think particularly with couples that have been together a long time, it's that they've fallen into some kind of sexual rut or pattern where they're like, we want to have sex, we want to connect, but it's just feeling a little bit flat, or it's just feeling a little bit, like, uninteresting. And whenever something is repetitive or redundant or predictable, especially in sex. Especially. I mean, like, even if you're having good sex. Good enough sex where, you know, you both come. Right. That's kind of, like, our definition of, like, good sex. Everyone has an orgasm. You know, sex is this emergent field that connects us with something much deeper than our day to day selves and connects us with something much deeper than our partner's day to day self, and that's why we fall in love with it, right? It's really this space of discovery, self discovery and discovery of who our partners is in that moment and who they might become. And so there's only these flavors that want to come out. And usually a way to think about this is when you start to become or notice that you're attracted to particular energy, even if it's someone who's not your partner. Right. You're attracted to this guy over here who has kind of this bold, cocky confidence or this darker quality. It's these things we crave to feel in life in general, because we feel life through sex. And so we want all of the flavors available to us. And when sex becomes this, like, singular note, that's just our one little bit of our personality that we share with, and it kind of gets boring. And so the practice that I think that people really come to me for is, like, how can I express all of my flavors, all of my desires? How can I bring that to my partner? How can we be in that discovery together and find something new and enrich, like, what's already there, which is a foundation of love and connection? The other reason people come to me is because they feel disconnected, right? Because they can't find each other. And that's. It's a similar process. It's, you know, coming into the truth of the heart for both people, and it's a process of discovery.

Speaker B: Are they normally quite deserved? Got to a desperate level? Or has one partner got to a desperate level by the time they come to you?

Speaker C: Yes, certainly. There's always, like, a reason people are reaching out. You know, good enough usually isn't. Like, when people are like, yeah, it's fine. Like, that's not the point. When people are like, we might need help. It's like when **** hits the fan, usually that someone will be like, oh, you know, we need help. And then it'll calm down a little bit, and they'll be like, oh, maybe we don't need help. But, yeah, it's usually, like, at a breaking point.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: So, like, Mel and I are coming to you. We're an adorable little lesbian couple. We've been together for, like, ten years. And the sex, like, let me tell you, she is, you know, it's getting a little boring for me. Like, let's be honest, I did a lot of something.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker A: And so what. What happens in your sessions? Do you, like, do you tell them, like, physical moves, or is it, like, you do breath work. What could we, like, expect in one of your sessions for a couple?

Speaker C: I think it depends on what the issue is, but let's say you came to me with this. Like, I'm needing something else, but I don't know what it is. The first part of that is discovering what you actually desire, what you actually crave. What are your sexual needs? And that could be an inquiry that's meditative and then journaling. It can then lead into a discussion. It could be going into sexual fantasies you've had and then trying to pull some textures apart. It could be by looking at, you know, the people that you're attracted to or drawn to in your own life, pulling textures from that and starting to get a map of that inner kind of erotic psyche that is driving your deeper craving. And it would be for both of you, because likely, if you're feeling that about your partner, your partner is feeling that about you.

Speaker B: And do people find that easy to share together in front of you, or do they do it separately? I think that that would be hard.

Speaker C: It's hard. It's very vulnerable. And, you know, what's so interesting about partnership is we think we're, like, super vulnerable with our partners, that sex is often the one place where we're, like, it is so hard to talk about.

Speaker A: I so agree with that.

Speaker C: It's excruciating because we're a afraid of, like, triggering them into feeling like they're not enough or, you know, they're not meeting our needs. We're afraid to claim the things that are maybe a little edgy or shadowy or we feel embarrassed about, or we don't even know how to put words to what it is we're craving. Right. And this is where, like, this is when I think affairs sneak in, is that there's a sexual need not being met or relational need not being met. We. We've asked for it, or we haven't asked for it. We don't necessarily know how to put our finger on it, but suddenly we meet someone who, like, is feeling or filling us in a way that we've needed for a long time, and we haven't known how to create that inside of our partnership. So we're just trying to get this, like, this need, you know?

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker B: I think it also. It takes. And I've been married for 25 years, so, you know, I know that it takes a long time. It's a. It's a lot of work if you're with a longtime partner that you love. And it's. It's a continual process, and you've got to be in it. You've got to be completely in it. I think that's part of the problem, that people don't really also realize how long it takes to, you know, really, truly know somebody. And the evolution of that to stick with that and to communicate well, actually takes a really long time. Certainly taken me a long time. And I don't think people think of it in those terms. They expect everything to, like, you know, work so well so easily. You, you know, and that's, to me, is. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker C: Being, like, being committed to staying in the mucky part, not just committed to the good part, but committed to fighting. Well, to, like, growing. Well, yeah. And it. It's not pain free, and it's not fear free, and it's, you know, if you're committed to partnership, like, you're gonna be hitting your edge around fear. If your partner is growing, watching them change and grow is scary. Same with the self. If you're growing and changing, your partner's not like, that can be really intimidating. And so, you know, I think there is this mythology that the right fit or the right partner that you won't fight or that you won't feel fear or that you'll feel safe all the time. You feel loved all the time. In actuality, like, deep, committed partnership means you're going to hit up against those walls again and again and again. And it's actually the commitment to standing in it and fighting with love in a loving way, you know, fighting with your heart wide open, that sets the foundation for that deeper intimacy that will carry you through longer periods of time.

Speaker B: I think that's what you've just said. Commitment to standing in it is a really. It's really well said. I think that's exactly what it is. Commitment to standing in, accepting your flaws, saying, okay, you know, working with yourself as well, because that's part of the process.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker B: You know, looking in the mirror and going, okay, maybe they got a point, or maybe I need to work on this or whatever. It's all tied into that, isn't it? It's a long process. Standing in that process, living it, fighting through it, and working with it. Yeah.

Speaker A: I got out of, like, a really recently long relationship, and I think the one thing that really broke us apart was, like, we didn't want to talk about all these things, and we're, like, literally, like, breaking. Like, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I think he was being disengaged and stuff, and it just got to the point where I was like, what the **** am I doing here still? And I think a lot of couples are in that because they just, like, there's not enough to keep it there. Like, would you agree with that? Like, there's something that's, like, missing, and neither of us really want to talk about it. Right.

Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, and honestly, often what's missing is the truth. Often if something doesn't feel deep enough or connected enough, it's because someone's withholding a truth somewhere. And so there's just, like, a little bit of disconnect that will continue to grow and to grow. And it is. It requires a bit of fearlessness to be ruthlessly honest, to bring the truth of our needs. And there's another myth that obviously, sometimes people just aren't a good fit, and you give it the time and sometimes you're not a good fit. But there is a myth around issues in relationships where if they don't resolve, something is wrong. And the truth is that there's usually one, two, or three core issues, core conversations you're going to have in a relationship that probably will never resolve but will need to get talked about again and again. Maybe they'll get a little easier to deal with or they'll shift a little bit, but it's a little bit like we're agreeing to be in relationship, and we know that these are some of our core patterns, core things that we'll come up against. And like that. That's okay, too, right?

Speaker B: Yeah. Not trying to change somebody.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker B: You know, we all get into relationships and we see something. I think particularly women are guilty of this, and we try and mold our partner into some kind of thing that we want, rather than saying this. This is who they are, and they're oddly the weak. The strengths in somebody are also part of their weaknesses, and vice versa. They drive each other, don't they? You know? But, yeah.

Speaker A: So I want to kind of take this conversation a little bit more sexier as I do. And, I mean, I've heard you talk about, obviously, like, clitoral stimulation and having multiple, multiple. Multiple orgasms, madame. And for me, personally, like, I'm a click girl. You stimulate my ****, everything's great. Love it, love it, love it. Why can I not find my g spot to come internally? And can everyone do that and do an opinion on that?

Speaker C: Yeah, I have multiple opinions on it. Multiple opinions from different, like, lineages that I've had trained in. The first is that, you know, the **** and the g spot are connected. They're part of the same clitoral, urethral, the medical lingo complex, and they're all wired together. So when you stimulate the ********, you're also stimulating your g spot. So that's one part of it. Have you experienced combination orgasms where you can feel your g spot more when your ******** is being stimulated?

Speaker A: I don't know. How do I know?

Speaker C: Because you'll feel like a greater amount of pleasure or like an immensely increased amount of pleasure when you're experiencing internal stimulation at the same time as clitoral stimulation.

Speaker A: Right? Like, I know that I like multiple things going on, right?

Speaker B: Yes.

Speaker C: So your g squat is activated. It is there, and it just. So one thing that happens is we'll have, like, neural pathways around pleasure that become pretty easy and our go to ways. Right. I also, like, have a predominantly clitoral neural network. And so when we've had solo sexual experiences for, you know, decades in our life and ways of experiencing orgasm with a partner for decades in our life that are primarily clitoral, that's a pretty ingrained pathway and groove and biofeed mechanism that our body recognizes. So a way to explore and expand the g spot, and there's multiple different ways to do that. One would be through awakening your pleasure through the ******** and maybe even having a clitoral orgasm. And then either by yourself or with your partner, exploring g spot pleasure on its own, just with hands or with a wand or with your partner if they have a *****. Like exploring subtle simulation that doesn't have to lead to orgasm, where you continually notice, follow, and expand and breathe into the pleasure to kind of bring those neural pathways more and more into life. It's like you're breathing life into them. You're breathing more awareness into your body. The second is to examine where you might be numb in your g spot. And if you're like me and in your early, late teens and early twenties, you had drunken sex that was poorly lubricated, you actually might have a little bit of numbness and scar tissue on.

Speaker A: Oh, definitely. Probably have that.

Speaker C: Like, let's be honest. So that's a real thing. And there's a process called de armoring that you can do on your own, or you can see a practitioner for that will help to bring any of the tissue that was inadvertently scarred or went numb or kind of had to build a protective barrier around it to protect you from pain, essentially for it to thaw and soften and unwind. And that can take one session, it can take months, but it's a process of being essentially in presence with the body and in pleasure with the body. And I think that regardless of whether you feel like you have scar tissue on the g spot or you have armor on the g spot, it's a beautiful practice to bring presence and pleasure to the area because it will amplify what you're able to experience. And so for me, for example, that's been a process for me, that's been many years of exploring how much I can actually open into g spot pleasure, and it continues to unfold, it continues to de armor, it continues to open, and more and more is available to me, but it doesn't happen overnight, usually.

Speaker B: Do you work with women who've had children? Fractional births. So obviously, there's damage there.

Speaker C: Mm hmm.

Speaker B: And what. What do you say to them?

Speaker C: Yeah, so I've had two. Two vaginal births, too, and, you know, stitches and stuff from my first birth. So there can be scar tissue. There can be changes in, like, location of pleasure. There can be numbness. There can be pain. There can. I mean, there's just all sorts of stuff that happens with birth rearranging, essentially. There's a lot of really good hands on modalities that I think is useful for post birth healing that I recommend. Pelvic floor physical therapy is one of them. Working with a hands on, somatic, sex educator, sexological body worker can be really useful to. I want to describe this in a way that people can understand. It's this understanding that the body is the repository of all of our experiences, and so the body is where memory is stored. Tissue is where memory is stored. And if there was challenge in the birth, even if you had a beautiful birth experience, if there was challenge in the birth or if there's a lot of fear, or if there was a moment that really, like, kind of gets stuck in the body and wasn't fully allowed to be felt, it can actually manifest in the tissues as tension or pain or scar tissue or numbness or just disconnect. Right. Like a lot of people. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker B: I had a very true. My first birth.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker B: Like, that makes sense. Wow. 20 years ago.

Speaker C: I mean, it's still resolvable, though, right? Is it, like, the body is the place where memory is stored and to be courageous enough to go in and to feel what needs to be felt in a gentle way. Right. It's not in, like, this big catharsis, like, get it all out at once. It's little by little to give the body signals that it's safe to feel what was hard to feel in that moment. And it's so beautiful, right? The body is so wise that when you're in a moment like birth, where you have to have all of your focus and attention on keeping your baby alive and keeping your body alive, like, of course you're not going to feel the anger towards the doctor who walked in and did this thing, or of course, you're not going to be able to have the capacity to feel whatever happened in the room that alarmed you, right? So to go back and be able to digest and cry and feel what's there and present can often bring resolution and more ease in our relationship with our pelvis and in relationship with our genitals. So I know a lot of women after traumatic births, where they feel disconnected from their sexuality or, like, it's a hard place to go. And that trauma resolution can sometimes help aid in that.

Speaker B: So do you think, I mean, so many people have so many issues with sex, something that we think, I mean, supposedly as the source of life should be in quotes, natural, easy, whatever. Is it because it goes to that core that the body is this receptacle of all this trauma, all the. Everything we've ever felt, any moment, any experience is all held as you're talking about, like in the. Literally in the scar tissue, that that's like, why so many people have so many issues when with something that you think if you were looking at the human race, we need it to propagate. So we should have figured it out, right? And we talk about it a lot more now than, you know, when I was in my twenties and thirties. So what is it like? Is it this just an endless quest for. Is it just a human thing?

Speaker C: You know, it's so many things. It's our current social inheritance. A large part of it, I think, is a current, like, social inheritance of hundreds of years of belief around sex, particularly the female body, but also that sex is a shameful thing. You know, it's like people didn't even start talking about masturbation until the 1970s as, like, a healthy thing, right? So this is like our generation. And prior to that, we've been in hundreds, if not thousands of years of shame around sexuality and shame around the human body. And it's not just shame around sex, it's like shame around dirtiness of the genitals, right? It's shame around, like, how they smell and how they feel and all of those things. And so the inherited body shame, the inherited sexual shame, and then on top of it, you have religious shame and you have familial. Relations around sex. And then you have the way that trauma does get biologically passed down. So if you have it in your history from your mother, from your grandmother, there's sexual abuse or anything around there that genetically, biologically, gets passed into our cells. But then we also have our own personal experiences, right, where we close down and we protect ourselves early experiences that maybe there wasn't full consent or we didn't know how to ask for what we wanted, or maybe it was extremely consensual, but it didn't feel right, and we didn't know how to say it. And so the body just kind of does these little adjustments to make sure we don't feel afraid again or make sure we don't get hurt again. And the great remedy or the great healer of this is learning how to open the body in the face of fear, learning how to open the body in the face of pain, learning how to open the body and be with what's true while feeling pleasure. And if those two things can happen simultaneously, then we are able to integrate the things that habitually shut us off from feeling love, that habitually shut us off from feeling connection, and habitually shut us off from feeling pleasure.

Speaker A: So as a doula, as someone who really has no idea what that is, and I personally. So my mother had a home birth. She had a midwife. Is a doula like a midwife, or what is the best way to describe that? And how do you help mothers or just, you know, families as a doula?

Speaker C: Yeah. So a doula is not like a midwife. I mean, they have similar roles in creating emotional safety in the experience. The midwife is really focused on the physical health of the baby and the mother. And so they're tracking things like contractions and heart rate and fetal position, and, you know, all of the, like, biological metrics of these two beings are both going to live. That's their primary goal. The doulas primary role is the emotional well being of the mother. And to be in the place. Like, for me, being a doula means creating so much safety in my body that allows me to attune so deeply to the mother that she can kind of rely on my safety to source from in her own. And in that sense, I mean, like, giving for anyone who's given birth, you know, it's like the wildest ride of your life. You know, there's no predictability to it, that it can be quite overwhelming, and that anything in the room that can give you an anchor of safety, it allows you to drop deeper into your own internal experience, which is where you need to be. And so the primary role, from my perspective as a doula, is to be that. That guardian of the emotional safety, the nervous system ability and resilience of the mother in the birthing experience.

Speaker B: Wow.

Speaker A: So, like, you're dealing with mostly home births, or, like, how does a doula even, like, are you dealing with the hospitals and you're dealing with the doctors and, like, how does that work?

Speaker C: Yeah, I've done both, and I don't attend as many births as I used to. Right now I primarily attend for friends because it's what I enjoy. But what I will say is there's different circumstances. Like, in the home, a lot of what you're doing is set and setting, making sure that she's comfortable, helping her find places where she can just kind of, like, nest in and get super internal. I'm doing a lot of work with the partner to help the partner learn how to be an anchor in the birthing experience so that the. The mother can connect with them and start to flow with them. And so that's one of my primary goals in a hospital. I'm trying to keep out all distraction possible, because anytime you come into your prefrontal cortex, you're, like, thinking mind. You know, you're thinking about the. The monitor and you think about the beeping and that you think about the lights and all of that takes you out of your internal experience. So at the hospital, there's a little more, like, container working that I'm doing, being the primary person that the nurses and doctors are talking to so that the mother isn't always the one being asked the questions, etcetera. Yeah.

Speaker A: So with this, like, obviously sex educator, extremely accomplished, and being a doula and all these things that have to do with, like, female pleasure and life. Yeah, like, source of life. Yeah. Is there something that happened, like, to you that you're like, this is the path. This is my path, and this is what I want to go on. Is it like, like, what. What was that point that you're like, this is. This is what I want to do, and, like, kind of what brought you there?

Speaker C: Yeah. It emerged little by little. In college, I studied spirituality and in particular, women, agriculture and spirituality. So I was, like, kind of in the excavation of pagan traditions and women's relationship with the earth as a source of spiritual nourishment. And I heard the word doula, and I immediately was drawn to it. And upon discovery, like, got brought into the world of birth and got really deep in it really excited about it. I'd always been interested in sexuality and sexuality, but never really considered it career. And then after I became a doula, I had a son, and I became a single parent in that process. Very early on, like, like, as he was born, I became a single parent. And it was really my desire for love and relationship that brought me onto the path of sexuality, because I didn't. I saw immediately the way that the world responded to mothers. Washington was not around sexuality. It was around kind of like putting us in a box of motherhood. And I wanted to be seen as a sexual person. I wanted not to be objectified, but I wanted to be desired. And I wanted to be seen as someone who's available for partnership. And so that kind of set me on this quest and studied with, in my opinion, the best teachers in the space. Ellen Heed, Kimberly Ann Johnson, Deejan Uma with the Institute of Somatic Sexology. And then in that process, discovered my current teacher, who I've been working with for many, many years now, John Weinland. And his. He took what my studies around, somatics and the nervous system and anatomy that were very much the somatic sexological focus and layered in the spiritual, the emotional, and the access point of where we feel true depth and connection, which is in the heart. So that's been my study, the primary, primary study for the last five years.

Speaker B: Wow. Interesting. And have you ever met a couple that has been from the very beginning even, to maybe the woman having a baby, have been. Their libidos have been totally matched? Do you think it's possible?

Speaker C: I don't think that libidos are totally matched continuously. I think there's couples that I know where they both have very high libidos and they generally meet each other in that way. But someone's always fluctuating. It fluctuates based on hormones. It fluctuates based on your workload, your stress levels, all of that. And I, and I know that the, one of, like, the most common complaints and challenges couples have is mismatched libido or mismatched desire in some sense.

Speaker A: And then, like, with that, like, when you're getting, like, let's say the woman obviously has the lower libido, like I'm saying obviously, because usually that's the case. How you get that person there mentally, is it like you have, like, because the guy is going to want sex mostly, most likely, right? Well, I think.

Speaker C: No, I think this is a myth. And the myth here is that we are taught that libido looks like one thing, and it's a spontaneous arrival of desire in our bodies. We're taught that because desire and libido are essentially the same thing, right? Desire for sexual connection. And we're taught that desire looks spontaneous and should be spontaneous. So that's the way we see it in movies where suddenly, like, you're both hot for each other and you both want it, and you start making out and you're looking in each other's eyes. And when we look at that model, then, yeah, primarily men are identified more often with spontaneous desire and women a little bit less so, but not always. And it can change. There's a secondary type of desire that really no one's educated on, which is called responsive desire. And it doesn't originate in the mind. It originates in the body through sensation, either through hearing something or reading something, seeing something with your eyes, watching something, someone touching you in a particular way. There's a stimulus, and the body starts to become a little, you know, like, filled with a little bit of desire. And then the mind eventually catches up. So it's a body up relationship with desire that primarily. It's not that women are primarily responsive desire and men are primarily spontaneous desire. It's that when we're looking at responsive desire as a whole, it's generally a little bit more skewed towards women than men. And when we're looking at spontaneous desire, it's generally a little bit more skewed towards men than women. But it can change again. Like, sometimes I'll be more primarily spontaneous desire, and then sometimes I'll go through periods where I'm totally just in responsive desire. And so what happens is that responsive desire often gets confused with no libido or low libido, because we're trying to access it through the mind. We're trying to think our way into feeling like we want sex, when really our bodies need to be activated. We need to be touched in a way that feels good, or we need to see something that starts to turn us on, we need to hear something. And when we validate the importance of responsive desire and the necessity of knowing that map in ourselves, then you see that actually libidos are equal, if not greater in women in some cases. Yeah.

Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I most likely, I think, have had a higher libido than all of my partners.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And I think that has been a challenge for me, just being like, I can't find a guy to keep up.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker A: What I need. And then they feel bad about it, and then they kind of fall off because it's like, well, they can't keep up. They're not gonna stay to feel like ****. But I'm also not gonna stay because I need, you know, you need what you need. So, um, you know, is there, like, some kind of a tip for a man to. If he finds that girl with a high libido and she wants to **** all the time, like, is it, like, is it, like, do you kind of just, like, are like, okay, well, maybe I'm not going to want to have sex all the time, but I'm going to want to get you off in other ways. And, like, is, like, maybe having multiple orgasms for the girl going to kind of last for longer so that he doesn't have to worry about that? Or, like, does that work?

Speaker C: Anyway, it's a really good question. We live in a world where the assumption that when you're in partnership, it's your partner's responsibility to meet your sexual needs. And when we put that responsibility on our partners, it creates a situation where we may never get what we actually need. And so while there is an agreement in partnership to attempt to do our best to give each other what we need to meet each other's needs, the actual experience of our own sexual needs is our own. And so as someone who also has a high libido, like, if my sex drive is my responsibility and I don't ever want my partner to feel like he has to have sex with me when he's not in the mood or doesn't want to, then I take the pressure off by saying, like, okay, I know how to fulfill myself sexually in a really deep way. And he really knows how to fulfill me in a very deep. But he may not always be in the mood when I am. So I can take those moments and go, okay, I'm really craving something. I, like, bless him on his. Whatever he needs to do in that moment, and I go and have an incredible, deep spiritual experience with myself. Sexual experience with myself. Then you create a dynamic that isn't about pressure and responsibility, which. Which really actually will dampen everyone's sex drive. And it'll be really frustrating for everyone involved, because the only thing you'll see is the need not being. When it becomes an open invitation to, like, come to me and, like, make love to me when it arises in you. And, like, I'm here. We're here to make each other feel good, then there's a freedom in the sexual dynamic in the relationship that will feel much more authentic and less burdensome. And likely both people are going to end up having, you know, quote unquote higher libidos because they have more permission.

Speaker B: That makes a lot of sense. It's your responsibility. It's a bit like happiness. I always say that in a relationship, it's your responsibility. It's not your partner's responsibility to give you happiness. You have to be happy. They may make you happier. Well, they should do. Which you have to be happy to start with. Right. It's not their responsibility to give you that fulfillment, that happiness, that fullness. And I guess it's the same with sex, but we don't look at it like that.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker B: And then I guess cheating starts to creep in, into that. Like you've said, you're able to do it yourself. But a lot of people, that's the minute they go out the door and.

Speaker C: Yeah, find somebody else, look for someone else.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker C: And I want to acknowledge something, too, because there's like a. There's a part of, especially for someone who's very connected to their sexual appetite and their yearning. Right. It's not always just about sex. It's not always. It's like, my guess is that your libido isn't just about getting off. It's about, like, feeling alive and feeling deeply connected and feeling full of life and feeling, like, feeling more. And there's a part of, you know, in the tradition and lineage that I study, and it's called the feminine. And the feminine is just a terminology used to describe love. It's a terminology used to describe the nature of love and all of life wanting to feel more of itself. And so there's a part of the feminine that will always want more. And that's actually very healthy. That's a very healthy expression of the feminine. But if we make it wrong or if we making. If we make it mean that it has to be filled, that's when it can get challenging. Because the truth is it will never be full like that. That feeling of wanting more is actually what calls more of our desire in our life forward. Right? Like, we want to create more, we want to feel more, we want to connect more, we want to love more, we want more babies, we want more beauty in our house. Like, we want more garden like, all of it. Like, that is a driving force of the feminine heart in all people. This is not just women. This is the feminine in a man as well. The feminine, someone who doesn't identify as a particular gender. And so the second that we can go, oh, my yearning for more is beautiful. And it can call my partner closer to me, and it can call me closer to my own desire, and it may not ever be filled. Frees us from it being a demand.

Speaker B: Okay. Yeah, no, I.

Speaker A: Like, I would agree with that. Like, it's. I think it's. It's. It's interesting. Like, obviously. Like, not obviously, but, like, you know, men have this feminine energy within them, too.

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker A: And that is what it is, right? Like, it is that we always are kind of hoping for more, wanting more, yearning for more. And if you can kind of give your partner space to give you more, but also give yourself more, if that's what you're looking for, not waiting for them. That's amazing. That's super important. I think that's what I've tried to do. There is, like, that kind of not the. Not a problem, but there is that thing where it's like, well, if I could just do it myself, why do I need someone else?

Speaker C: Yeah.

Speaker A: You know? Which I think some women might find even more now because things like vibrators have been created and, you know, men, you know, if you've gone on a real. Some really bad dates, you're kind of like, well, what is the point? Why are we doing this if I can just get myself off? Like, I don't really need someone. But obviously, like, there is that. That yearning for connection, too.

Speaker C: Obviously, yeah.

Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, but what about the opposite side of it? Like, I think there's a lot in the sort of narrative. Like, you know, we're all meant to be having this amazingly sexy, hot sex life, and. And everyone's probably lying about what's going on and whatever. And what if you're actually that person who. Who doesn't. Who doesn't actually care, who's not interested? I mean, I don't mean just being asexual, but I think there are so many levels of gray and whatever within people. We just sort of, you know, I guess it's the Hollywood sort of somewhere between Hollywood and **** that we sort of think of this ideal. Like, everyone's, you know, up against a wall and it's all steamy and all this sort of stuff. And maybe you're just like, yeah, you.

Speaker A: Know, you're okay with missionary. Is that what you're talking about?

Speaker B: I'm not specifically talking.

Speaker A: I know.

Speaker B: Yeah, you. But, like, I just think there's a lot of pressure and a lot of talk about this very hot sex life we should all be having. And maybe there. I don't know of many, but maybe there are people who really dislike just, like, a vanilla? Not really. I'm not really that bothered. I'm not that interested. I don't know.

Speaker C: Absolutely. Absolutely. So my experience in this, in working with women in particular, is that desire is always present and has always been present, whether that's sexual desire or not. Like, we have appetite for life, and sexual desire is just an expression of appetite for life. And it can be sublimated, and we can disconnect from it at an early age or midlife or whatever. And when we disconnect from it, it can feel like it's not there or we don't really care. And I will say hormonal fluctuations very much, very much do influence this. For example, if you're in perimenopause or you're going through menopause, you're like, I'm really, actually not that interested in it, because your sex hormones are the things that often drive that feeling of desiree. So that's my caveat, is that hormones do play a big role, and yet there will always be desire, whether it's sexual or not. And to be connected to your deeper desires in life is a really healthy, really important thing that will allow you to feel like you're living the deepest, most satisfying life possible. And so there, I guess I'll go on the, like, hot sex trend, because we kind of see hot sex being depicted as, you know, like you said, the people who are up against the wall. It's, like, steamy, it's fierce, it's passionate. And the actuality is some of the best sex will look like the slowest. Like, you would never want to watch it on camera.

Speaker B: Interesting.

Speaker C: Yeah, you never would.

Speaker A: So true.

Speaker C: No. And. And that is the, like, narrative we've been. We've been told is, quote unquote, hot sex looks a certain way, and that's just hot sex is all about how much you can feel and how much your partner can feel you feeling and how much you feel your partner feeling. Like, it's just. It's this loop of how connected you can be and how much you can feel in your body. And so it's not about how many positions you do. It's not about the toy, the new toys you're using. It's not about watching **** together. Like, all of that is novel and can bring some level of, like, new erotic experience, which can make people feel a little bit more alive and sparked. But hot sex is. Is about feeling deeply. And I. And that is, I think, something that old people desire. It's like a broad, sweeping statement, but I don't think there's a single person on this planet that doesn't desire to be deeply seen and deeply felt and deeply known and deeply connected. Maybe there is. There might be. There. I. You know, but I don't know. I think that's what we're going for when we're talking about hot sex and deep sex. You know, like, when you think about people who talk about, like, wild love affairs, usually they're like, I've never felt so connected to someone. It's like I knew them forever. It was like, you know, we knew each other in and out. Like, it was like this, like fire burning up inside them. And what they're speaking of isn't that the sex felt good. The sex was good because the connection was there.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker C: They were ******* deeply feeling each other. Yeah.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: I love that.

Speaker B: Wow. We clearly.

Speaker C: I know.

Speaker A: I would love to talk to you, like, for another 5 hours. Wow. And I really hope we'll have you on again. And hopefully some of our audience members will have some questions next time of their own and that they'll want to ask you. But thank you so much for coming on. We do have one final question we ask all of our guests who come on. Sharing my truth. And it's just in the spirit of sharing truths, what is one truth that you would share with your younger self?

Speaker C: Aw, that's so beautiful. So I just was speaking about this, so it's what's present for me. But it would be before I was seeking love outside of myself. To really know the depth of it inside my own heart. To know the depths of it inside my own heart and inside my own body before I made the mistaken belief that someone else could bring that to me.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Excellent. Love that. Very well said.

Speaker A: Well, thank you so much. I would love for you to just plug your little socials here. We'll obviously put it in the description below, and we've obviously set it on our intro before the interview started. But if you want to put it here, and then people can find you and follow you.

Speaker C: Yeah. So my personal social is I run four years social media too, and I do a lot of education on there as well. I'm the chief education officer, so you can find me on both. Forias is wellness.com.

Speaker A: Amazing. Thank you so much, Kiana. It's literally such a pleasure.

Speaker B: It's lightning and inspiring.

Speaker A: Seriously, I can't wait to try our little g spot.

Speaker C: Oh, good. Yeah, let me know. Tips and tricks.

Speaker A: I'll come to you and I'll talk to you about it.

Speaker B: I love it. Thanks so much and we can't wait.

Speaker A: To talk to you again.

Speaker B: Soon.

Speaker C: Love, soon.

Speaker B: Bye.

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Speaker B: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our sharingmytruth.com to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time. Bye bye.

Speaker C: Three, two, one. Yes.