Suzie: Welcome to sharing my truth with Mel and Suzie, the uncensored version where we bear it all.

Mel: We do. 1234.

zSuzie: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to sharing my truth pod. We're here with Mel and Suie, and we're here to say we're calling from London town. Is there, like, a famous song, Mel?

Mel: No, I'm in the Twilight zone. There are many, but that was lovely.

Suzie: Thank you. Yeah, guys, welcome back. If you guys want, you guys can go to sharemytruth.com. comma, share your truths with us. Tell us about what happened today, tomorrow, yesterday. Tell us about your sex accidents, which we're about to share. And go to sharing my truth pod on the socials. And you go notice, like, and subscribe to this podcast on YouTube and on any of your places that you get your podcasts.

Mel: Very good.

Suzie: Hey, babes.

Mel: Hello, my darling.

Suzie: Hey, London.

Mel: We're still in London. We are coming back.

Suzie: I know. I don't want to leave. I'm having too much fun.

Mel: Yes, you are.

Suzie: It's very fun here.

Mel: It is fun. It is fun. I love London. I mean, obviously, I'm from London. Obviously, I love London. It is a very fun place.

Suzie: It's just like, ah, it's. It's like everyone is, like, busy all the time, like, you see in places like Toronto, where we live, but there's a different kind of, like, eh, everything's gonna work out. Like, keep a. Keep calm, carry on. That's the vibe here.

Mel: That's very british.

Suzie: It's exactly why I said keep calm.

Mel: But it's more like, we're very calm on the exterior. Inside, we're grumbling.

Suzie: Right?

Mel: But always keep a calm exterior, right? Cool, calm, and collected.

Suzie: Very nice watch shows. But here's the thing. I'm about to read some sex accidents, some things. Some accidents that have happened to the good people of the world. Sex accidents. So obviously, these people did not keep cool and collected.

Mel: No.

Suzie: Although maybe they did, and they just were kind of chill about it. But this is actually from a article.

Mel: In the Metro british free paper, so.

Suzie: Yeah, so this is. This is an article from 2020. Not that, like, really anything's changed that much, I don't think, since then.

Mel: I doubt it.

Suzie: Maybe with, like, robotic sex dolls as possible. But anything else, I think that's true. Not. Not the norm, though, I think. So. Sex accidents happen all the time. Like, you know, and Mel, I'm gonna read some of these, and I know you say you don't. You haven't had a sex accident, but.

Mel: Maybe I'll remember one.

Suzie: Maybe one of these will kind of make you think, oh, yeah, that did happen to me. Okay. Yeah. So this is, um, people share their sort, their stories of the most common sex accidents. Um, and if you guys have a sex accident you guys want to talk to us about, you go to sharemytruth.com about it and you guys tell us. Okay. Um, but here we go. So, um, one of them, the first one is falling off your partner or the furniture, which happens.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: That's an accident.

Mel: Yeah, I guess.

Suzie: And then you hurt yourself. You bruise your ***.

Mel: Yes. Yes. I think. You think you're more acrobatic than you are.

Suzie: Yeah. All the time. Especially.

Mel: What?

Suzie: Maybe you've had a couple too many drinks at dinner.

Mel: Yes. And you've watched too many **** movies where you get these very able people, spotted people.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And you're like, they are professionals.

Suzie: These are acrobats. The most common sex mishap has been revealed to be falling off your partner or furniture, with 75% of people saying this has happened to them before. That's why I'm like, Mel, this is for sure.

Mel: What do you mean by falling off your car?

Suzie: Like, you know, if I am riding on this couch that I'm sitting on, maybe he.

Mel: Oh, I see.

Suzie: He bucks me off or something.

Mel: I've got it. Okay.

Suzie: Or maybe you're trying a weird position on the chair and, you know, you do a tumble.

Mel: Yeah. Okay. That doesn't sound very serious.

Suzie: It doesn't, but, you know, you could always hurt yourself.

Mel: Yeah. I was thinking breaking arm, more dramatic things.

Suzie: Well, let's keep it going and then what might surprise you. Okay, next one is, this has never happened to me. Thank God. But a family member walking in on you.

Mel: Oh, my God. It hasn't happened to me. But I know so many people.

Suzie: No.

Mel: Why this has happened. Yeah.

Suzie: It's so. That's so embarrassing.

Mel: Just horrendous.

Suzie: It's just. It's not that the fact that you're having sex is embarrassing, but the fact that they had to see you that in doing that.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: You know.

Mel: Yeah. Or kids. Kids walking in is common when you think the door's locked or it's late at night or, you know, and then somebody wanders in.

Suzie: No, that's not good. Yeah. So it says here family time is important and. But there's time and place, and 71% of people have experienced. 71% have experienced the last thing you want, a family member walking in on them having sex.

Mel: Well, I've got a tip for you. Yes. Two tips yeah.

Suzie: I love it.

Mel: Number one, get a lock. There's an idea. It's not that difficult. Get yourself down to Home Depot on your home base and put a lock.

Suzie: Seriously.

Mel: Or a knob.

Suzie: A knob.

Mel: Someone else has a lock.

Suzie: Perfect.

Mel: I mean, I think that's, you know, common sense, isn't it?

Suzie: You should be.

Mel: And then in terms of children, it's not just about sex, but just get them to respect your private space. You knock, you not, and you hit, you wait to hear come in or whatever. You don't just barge in.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So that's. Those are my two bits of advice.

Suzie: Oh, my God. Okay. Well, there's actually a reader who wrote in saying that this has happened to her. So she says, having sex with my ex. I restrained him to the bed. I was on top of him having a grand old time, only for his dad to walk in and see us, but naked, along with his son's legs and arms pinned to the bed. So not the best position to be in. Maybe that's why they're exes now.

Mel: It's just hard to ever, like, live it down and not think. Are they thinking about that moment? It's all very uncomfortable.

Suzie: How do you ever go to brunch with your. With your father in law again? It's just the absolute worst. Yeah.

Mel: It's very awkward. Yeah. And I feel for her. I really do.

Suzie: Yeah. That's really horrible because you don't know what they're gonna say. You don't. They're gonna be mad or shocked or.

Mel: Or any of the above. Yeah.

Suzie: Cry. Yeah. Okay, so the next one is an eye shot. Oh, I think we all know what that is. Yes, pretty much. Yeah. So it's pretty much obviously is what it like sounds like. It's an unfortunately aimed ***********, which can be incredibly painful, but it is a very common mishap with 68% of people experiencing this. I've experienced this.

Mel: Really?

Suzie: Have you?

Mel: No.

Suzie: Oh, my God, Mel. It's painful as ****. And then you're like, got a red eye for a day.

Mel: I wonder if you could get an infection.

Suzie: Oh, yeah. You get literally herpes in the eye or chlamydia in the eye. If that happens, I swear to God, guys, and here's the thing. So obviously we call this an accident, but. But what if the guy wants to *******, like, come in your eye? That's a red flag for me.

Mel: Yeah, I got nothing to say. I just like, yeah, that's disturbing. It's like, seriously, don't go on the next date.

Suzie: No way.

Mel: In my advice, I mean, that is just peculiar.

Suzie: But I mean, like, I've had it happen with me, with like my ex. So it's not like, it's like it was a random date. He came in my eye and then I never saw him again. It's like. Or literally never saw him. Cause I became blind, but I was literally, you know, it happened and then. And then you're like, you're like twitching. You can't see anything. You're just like, that's not pleasant. It's the absolute worst. So, yeah, try not to do that. Guys, this lady wrote in, stand back, stand back. I mean, if they're like. If you're doing a facial and you know what's happening. Okay, just close your eyes.

Mel: That's an idea.

Suzie: Close your eyes. Okay. For the love of God. So this lovely lady wrote in, and she says, after a date night with my partner, we came home and after drinking a nice bottle of wine, of course, started fooling around. After going down on him for a bit, he didn't warn me that he was about to blow his load and the whole lot went straight into my eye. Oh, my God. The pain wasn't bad enough. I had to face the embarrassment of having to use, of having my false eyelashes slowly dislipping down my face.

Mel: So we shouldn't be laughing, but it's quite funny.

Suzie: No, that is really funny.

Mel: Yeah. I don't know what to say, really.

Suzie: That's really awful. But just, guys, warn your partners. It's not funny. It ******* actually really hurts.

Mel: Yeah. No, no. Yeah. The force of all that stuff coming.

Suzie: At you, it's also just like, sticky. Yeah. Sticks in there for a while. Like, it's not cute. It's not cute. It's not fun if you do it. That aftermath, like, wash your eye. Get one of those eye washer things that are like in restaurants where an emergency happens.

Mel: I can't imagine. It's the easiest thing.

Suzie: No, it's the worst. Okay, so we have the next one falling in the shower.

Mel: I can imagine that's quite common. Yeah. And you can actually really hurt yourself. Right. Because I think people, again, going back to, like, **** or seeing something, you think, oh, yeah, blah, blah, blah. I can do that. And then you don't take into account that you're five foot two and your partner's six foot five, and it may not work that well.

Suzie: It's awful.

Mel: It's probably not a good idea to be on a stool with water or whatever you're doing.

Suzie: Shower tax is the absolute worst.

Mel: This is the thing. It's a bit like water. Like, you see a lot of movies and they're in the water and it's frolicking in the waves and having a grand old time in the sea. But everything feels rubbery when you're in water and they don't share any of this information often doesn't work. Terrible. It's like when you see sort of couples in movies, like on the sand, rolling around. That's not fun either, getting bits of sand up your hoo ha, you know?

Suzie: That's right.

Mel: It's not comfortable. I mean, it may look very nice. No, it doesn't. And I think a lot of sort of. Yeah. If people use chairs or situations like that, I mean, just be sensible. Yes. Think about the size of you and the size of the person. Yeah. Because sometimes in an engineering capacity, it just can't work.

Suzie: No. And like, obviously, like, in better showers and newer showers, when they have, like, nice benches in there, like things like that. Rain showers, you know, there's like. There's different things when you have a better shower that you could do this in. You know, you're not doing the ones with, like, the tubs. It's the absolute worst.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: What, barely two people can fit in there.

Mel: Yeah.

Suzie: It's not a good idea.

Mel: No, it's not a good idea. It's just like somebody's gonna slip.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: I did know the story once of this woman who. She was in a meeting, actually. She was a colleague of my husband's and they were in a meeting and she came in with her hand in her.

Suzie: Oh, my God.

Mel: And she was very. She was actually a russian woman. She had a very loud voice. She was very forthcoming. He's like, oh, are you all right? She's like, oh, I won't do the accent. That's terrible. She was basically having sex with her partner in a hot tub.

Suzie: Oh, my God.

Mel: And sort of. And this is what she proceeded to explain to him. And just sort of. Her hand went and she almost broke her arm. Because it sounds like a great idea, but it doesn't work.

Suzie: It's also bad to have sex with hot tubs. Yes.

Mel: It's not good. All the journeys.

Suzie: Do not have sex in a hot tub, you guys. It's not. It's sexy, but it's not all the germs. Not afterwards when you have to deal with that. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, so no falling in the shower. You can. You can always opt out for a bath. That's nice.

Mel: In a bath, but still, like, it's quite hard to do those kind of things. Sometimes the best. That's the thing I would just always say is I think your fantasy or your idea or whatever you've seen somewhere is maybe plan it a bit better.

Suzie: Plan it better. No, it's a good idea. That's good.

Mel: Thanks.

Suzie: Advice. This person wrote in and they said me and my boyfriend decided to have a hot, steamy shower together. Yeah. As we were being intimate, the temperature of the bathroom was going up and up to the point where I started to feel faint. Oh no.

Mel: Oh no.

Suzie: Not wanting to put my partner off, I sucked it up and carried on, only to nearly pass out. A few minutes later, I ended up falling down in the shower. Luckily my boyfriend caught me before I hit the floor.

Mel: Yeah. Cause you could have like done yourself some serious damage.

Suzie: No, seriously doesn't sound like a good idea.

Mel: No, I do not.

Suzie: Like, turn the water down.

Mel: Doesn't sound like fun at all.

Suzie: Jesus Christ.

Mel: Anyway.

Suzie: Okay, next one, being knocked unconscious.

Mel: Holy ****. How did that happen?

Suzie: Okay, so having sex can take you to another world, especially if you get yourself knocked unconscious, which is exactly what happens to 5% of unlucky respondents.

Mel: Okay.

Suzie: It's not surprising when you consider that sex sometimes involves alcohol. And if you're having a really good time and it's easy to become unaware of the hazards around you. But like, I've heard of people just like, you know, like, you get like hit with an elbow accidentally and then.

Mel: Like, yeah, sure, sure.

Suzie: Or like you fall off the bed.

Mel: Yeah, sure.

Suzie: And I read the story once on betches and it was about this guy who accidentally, like, stuck it in her butt.

Mel: What do you mean accidentally?

Suzie: Like, you know, you know that. You know, like you're thrusting and then. And then it just goes into another hole. Things are wet down there.

Mel: Slips in. She didn't notice it was a ***?

Suzie: No, no, she did. So she like, accidentally stuck it in her *** and then she was like, she screamed in pain because she fell off the bed and was knocked unconscious.

Mel: Holy ****.

Suzie: So it happens, right? Accidental **** happens. You know, these things happen. But yeah. So this lovely woman has admitted to this and she says, I was living it up at uni and I'd fancied this guy for a while. I went out looking like a solid ten and the boy I fancied thought the same. Great, babe. Good for you.

Mel: Yeah, good for you.

Suzie: Good for you. I took him back to mine and while he was on the bed, I drunkenly undressed, thinking I was on the set of Beyonce good for you, babes. My bedroom at uni was in the loft with a slanted roof and low bed. Oh, yeah. I went over to him and tripped over my feet and the bed, which resulted in me headbutting this poor boy in the *****.

Mel: Oh.

Suzie: I reconvened to what I thought were going to be some seriously sexy moves. I was on top of him and went to flick my hair up and then knocked myself unconscious on the beam. On the beam.

Mel: Wow. That's not good.

Suzie: It's not ******* good. It's really not good. But that happens. See, weird things happen. Usually with drugs and alcohol involved. Probably.

Mel: I have a thought about the slipping in the butt. See, I'm on the butt thing.

Suzie: Well, see, that's another one, right?

Mel: That's accidental toys.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: That are not designed for *** holes.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: And they get sucked up there and lost because they don't have the end.

Suzie: Yeah. You need the end bed.

Mel: Well, I mean, to me that would be obvious, you know, but they sort of like a.

Suzie: Like, I'll just a carrot stick it.

Mel: In there and then it. The. The *** hole is a bit like the black hole. Right. So it just goes.

Suzie: Yeah, it is weird that that's what happens.

Mel: I'm not. I don't even want to think about how they have to fish that. I mean, you obviously have to go to hospital.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And that is not gonna be nice. And you're probably not gonna want anything near your *** hole for the rest of your life if that happens to you. No, I wouldn't. I'd be like, stay away.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: I feel it.

Suzie: Too bad. It's not great when you're doing it and you just. And things do happen, you know? Cause your legs are up and things are happening. You're not always in control of what's going on down there.

Mel: Right.

Suzie: And they don't know either. It's dark, you know, they don't know where your **** is. How do they know where your ******* ******* is? Right.

Mel: This is a good point.

Suzie: You never know.

Mel: You make a point.

Suzie: Really? Men have no idea. So sometimes it just happens. Not like it's a good thing, but I'm sure it's much more common than we think.

Mel: I think the problem with sex accidents is that they happen because generally in sex, we're trying to be spontaneous and fun.

Suzie: Yep.

Mel: But the things that you do that deviate or require some thought, you can't actually be that spontaneous. Yeah, that's the problem. And I think people don't get that. And that's why **** happens. Like if you're gonna get other stuff involved, yeah, you kind of gotta plan it. Cause that's what people think. They're like, oh, this is sexy and this is spontaneous, but you can't be sticking things in buttholes unless people know or standing on chairs or whatever the hell it is. You've got to like, have some preparation.

Suzie: It's pretty bad. I mean, I'm sure that sounds unsexy. It does a little bit. And I feel like if, you know, if you're, if you are a person who works as a doctor or er nurse or anything like that, and you have stories, please send them to.

Mel: They've seen the most crazy and repulsive stuff.

Suzie: People like, guys will put like vacuum heads on their dicks and like, women will put weird **** up there. Vaginas.

Mel: Well, I remember once having this, I said this a while ago in a pod, this, having this conversation while I was at university with these girls and this woman telling me, this girl woman, you know, telling me. And just a conversation, drunken conversation. We're having a couple of girls one night telling us how she put a. What's the american anubisine? An eggplant. And we were like, obviously in shock. In shock. We were still stuck on the. How the hell. There were like, I think there were three of us in her. How the hell does an aubergine get in there? That's a lot of stuff going in there. We hadn't even got to the bit that it was an aubergine or that, you know, this could get stuck. How the **** did you fish it out? How f. I don't know, but you're just like, wow. And this is like 20 odd years ago. I mean, even then. They had toys lately.

Suzie: Yeah, an aubergine.

Mel: Yeah. But the other thing, and this is like massively repulsive. And I had a friend who, when they were medic and one was stuff with animals.

Suzie: No.

Mel: Yeah. Particularly dogs. No, it's super common. And dogs get kind of obviously scared, as you would be if somebody laughed. Anyway, we're not going to go into details, but, yeah, people doing crazy stuff like that.

Suzie: That's really awful.

Mel: Yeah. I mean, yes, there's some desperate, very, very disturbed people in the world.

Suzie: Yeah. That just wanna, if they have a hole, they want to fill it up.

Mel: Or they just don't have any interaction with another human being or they don't know how to interact.

Suzie: Because I think there's also that common thing where we've all heard about like men putting weird **** up their butts because they don't want to buy a regular sex toy or their butts. And so they just put whatever they want there. And it's like, no, there's a reason that it's not good. There's a reason that you can't just do that. And they obviously go to the hospital and they have to think of some insane story.

Mel: Toothbrush stuff.

Suzie: How do they get to the hospital? I don't know. Because you have something up your butt.

Mel: I did. The same friend who was in, who was a medic said somebody once came in with a carrot. A man with a carrot stuck up his ***. Sorry to the man. This is many, as I'm sure he's fine. And apparently the explanation was I was gardening and I fell on the carrot.

Suzie: The doctor's like, naked.

Mel: Yeah. But you do know which way carrots grow, right? Yeah, they don't grow. It was just like. But I mean, what do you say if you're going to come into hospital with a carrot stuck up your *** that you can't get out? You might as well make up a story because everyone knows you're lying and it's so embarrassing. And not only do you have to, like, if you're in Canada or in the UK, you have to wait in the waiting room.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: You're not gonna be seen immediately. You are not a death door kind of person. You're at the bottom of the list. And then you get in, you got the little curtain goes around. Then you gotta explain. So why. How can I help you today?

Suzie: I gotta carry out my *** and.

Mel: Then they gotta fish it out. I mean, that's not.

Suzie: Yeah, there's surgery involved. They don't just get like a little bunny rabbit who just like, comes in there and gnaws it out. Like, you have to actually do something serious.

Mel: And I'm sure it ****** hurts. Yes.

Suzie: It doesn't feel good.

Mel: And not that carrots are not designed to be up anybody's bumhole. And hopefully that carrot was clean. Cause there's that too.

Suzie: It's fresh from the garden.

Mel: Exactly. If he was gardening.

Suzie: If he was actually gardening naked, I'm saying.

Mel: But the one thing I have heard a lot about, and I'm not really sure I understand this is men breaking their *****.

Suzie: Yes. I know. There was that famous guy who did it. Hold on, I'm gonna look it up.

Mel: Who broke his *****? Yeah, look, it snapped into.

Suzie: No, hold on. I'm literally gonna look it up. 1 second. Wait, wait, wait.

Mel: You must be able to strain your *****. Do you know something? Men can do is the balls inside the ball sack can get twisted up, I think. Ew. I've heard of that.

Suzie: That's too bad. That sounds like it's actually really painful.

Mel: That's horrendous. Yeah.

Suzie: Okay, so breaking. Okay, so it's called a penile fracture.

Mel: Penile fracture.

Suzie: Okay. So it's caused by blunt force when your ***** is erect and it hits something hard and bends. Okay. Common causes are sexual activity with a partner, obviously. Penile fracture can happen when your ***** slips out of your partner and thrusts against the area between the **** and the perineum or the pelvic bone. So you hit it that hard that it can fracture your ****.

Mel: You're hurting both of you.

Suzie: Oh, yeah. That does not sound like fun.

Mel: That sounds horrendous. But, yes, I suppose. I mean, there must be so many situations.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: Where people do crazy stuff because it's. They think, oh, this is a really good idea in the moment, then turns out to be a really bad idea. No, it just sounds and they slip or they fall. They fall off something or onto something or.

Suzie: Yeah, no, it's not good.

Mel: Or with food. I would think a lot of people, you know, think food is a really good idea to smear all over each other.

Suzie: Oh, and then you get, like, a weird infection because of the food gets.

Mel: Into the wrong place or, you know, I'm sure. I mean, let's face it, people are odd.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: So there must be some really odd stories.

Suzie: I mean, not, let's be frank, not everyone's gonna just break their ***** every day. But you just have to be careful.

Mel: Be careful. And if you have some ideas to spice things up, give it some thought.

Suzie: Give it some thought. Put some mats down. You got some yoga mats.

Mel: There's an idea for some more traction on the feet. Yes. Give it some thoughts and preparation. And don't, like, expect some amazing thing that you've seen or conjured up in your mind is gonna work first time. Because generally, most things in life don't work first time, do they?

Suzie: You know, they don't gotta work on those things. Just don't come under anyone's eye because that hurts.

Mel: Yeah. And the other thing I would say is, with a new partner, try not to do anything that you've never done before.

Suzie: A hundred percent.

Mel: Make sure you've kind of been with them for a bit. You figure it out, and then you do the new stuff. Stick to the stuff you're good at at the beginning. I think that's good advice.

Suzie: That's a great advice, Mel. Unless she's like a dom or something and it's pretty exciting, and then you're.

Mel: There for that reason. So don't, you know, no penises in *** holes without preparation and telling people. And they're really not entirely sure. I agree that it just slipped in.

Suzie: But anyway, it's obviously never happened to mal, guys.

Mel: I mean, it can slip, but, you know, it's not. You're sort of aware before anything serious can happen that it's going down the wrong route.

Suzie: I think guys, when they just want to, like, bam bam bam ram tam tam, they just do that. And then sometimes, you know what pops all the way out and tries to slide all the way back in.

Mel: Yeah, yeah. And men can be quite, see, I'm doing actions, you I'm knowing, not you kids, but you. Men can be quite forceful, and they don't realize how hard they're pushing.

Suzie: Yeah.

Mel: And yeah, of course that kind of thing can happen, but of course it can happen. But there's a point quite quickly when you know it's happening.

Suzie: Yes.

Mel: If you follow me. But anyway, don't put your ***** in a bumhole without the knowledge, prior knowledge. That person said, person saying, yes, please.

Suzie: Put a *** hole. Yes, please put a bumhole. Thank you.

Mel: Yeah, that's exactly like that. That's all I have to say about *** holes. Sex accidents.

Suzie: That's perfect.

Mel: That's it.

Suzie: Well, if you guys have a sex accident, a story that you guys want to share with us, you can go to sharemytruth.com and send us a voicemail. Leave us an email, snail mail, whatever you want. You guys can also go to sharemytruthpod socials. Leave us a comment on this YouTube. Whatever you guys want. We want to just hear from you. Want to hear about all the good stuff.

Mel: We want to hear it all. And you have been sharing. You have been very interesting. And even if you don't agree with us, please share.

Suzie: We want to know that too, because we'll have a conversation about that. Everyone has a different opinion, and that's okay.

Mel: That's totally fine.

Suzie: All right, loves.

Mel: Toodles.

Suzie: Toodles from London.

Mel: Bye.

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Mel: Now.

Suzie: Go to the link in our bio, put in the code, and get jiggy with it.

Mel: Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review this podcast and follow us on social at sharingmytruthpod and leave us a voicemail on our sharingmytruth.com, to share your stories and experiences with us. We'll see you next time. Bye bye. Three, two, one. Yeah.